By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters July 14, 2013
|Jennifer Elizabeth Masters, Grand Canyon, AZ 5/24/2013|
Life is good. It is real good. It has not always been this way for me. I struggled with issues of guilt, self hatred and shame from early childhood. Even into adulthood I often felt ashamed of myself and I certainly wasn’t happy. It did not matter how beautiful someone said I looked, I did not feel beautiful. In fact I felt ugly, dirty, unworthy, unlovable and lost.
I now refer to those days as my old life, it feels so foreign to me now. I so wanted to be loved that I had to be in a relationship to feel whole. I felt like a three-legged table without someone in my life. I felt empty inside, depressed and negative. I needed someone to do what I couldn’t do, love me. With each new man I hoped that he was THE ONE, my TRUE LOVE. I spent unwisely when I was upset. I would use money allocated for rent, or utilities for clothes for myself. It was a compulsion. It seemed to be the only thing that made me feel better, if only for an hour or two. When I got paid the first thing I would do was to go and buy myself something expensive to make myself feel better. I had heard that it was important to feel good and we certainly were in a hedonistic society where making yourself feel better was supported by the media. Newer, bigger better was prevalent in all the commercials and billboards. I was not responsible for myself or my spending.
|For Heaven Scapes, with my kids|
I maxed out my credit cards and then could not make my payments. My behavior created more issues as I was not being a good steward of my money. I complained about my life because it really did suck! I had no idea that what I was doing was perpetuating more negativity and lack into my life. I had no idea that my money problems were being created by me and the thoughts that I was thinking. I was so shamed filled and negative that it made me physically ill.
Sexual abuse in my childhood created shame, anger and guilt. I had no idea that I had inner rage that was being suppressed. The history of bladder infections from the time I was 21 was a sign of being pissed off, but at that time, I was totally unconscious (not awake and aware) and had no idea that my anger about the molestation created it. I was chronically depressed until I was in my 40s. I suffered from insomnia due to the depression. It was not until I began my healing process and began to heal my inner child and let go of the shame and self loathing that the depression lifted. It was tied to my repressed anger, I did not know was there. I did not know that repressed anger caused depression. Oh my God! When I released the anger I began to sleep better. The depression lifted. It was not a pill that made it go away, it was letting go of the past.
|Jennifer Elizabeth Masters and Ariel Resuta SFO, 2013|
|Ariel Resuta and her mom Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Boulder, Colorado Creek Fest 2013
The Path Of A Seeker
As I went to a hypnotherapist or healer for an issue and found out how magically and wonderfully it worked, I would sign up for the course and become certified in it. By the time I was 48 I had taken so many classes, courses and certifications I had the equivalent of a University education. Certainly every bit as costly. It was worth every penny. No amount of therapy or anti-depressants gave me the relief that getting to know who I was and loving myself as I was, did. I began to live in my truth, and followed my heart. I became a healer and certified life coach full time. I was passionate about healing and helping others to love themselves. I saw how it transformed my entire life.
Coming Into Alignment
|Flagstaff Mtn. Boulder Colorado Jennifer|
It was not a matter of me changing who I was. It was coming into alignment with my true self. Instead of being agreeable all the time, I said, “NO!” I began to take better care of my own needs, getting enough rest and meditating regularly. Instead of being with people who were negative, I steered clear of them, even if they were family. Especially if they were family. Changing patterns of behavior meant for me that I could not spend much time with those that helped me create my co-dependence. I healed my relationships with all of them. I forgave everyone. I knew they would never change. They were not on the path I was on. That was their choice. They expected me to be the same, but I wasn’t. I am reminded of the story of the crab who attempted to escape from the cooking pot, as he/she gets to the top of the pot, the others pull the poor sucker back down to be miserable with the rest of them. That is what happens with family who don’t change. They want to make you as miserable as they are. You can’t let that happen. I love my mother where she is. I know at 91, change ain’t gonna happen. She is who she is. I have accepted that. I can’t change another. I can only change myself.
|Living in the moment Coronado, CA|
Changing others is a sign of co-dependency. I have been there multiple times, worn the t-shirt and donated it to Goodwill about 15 years ago. I stopped dating men who need rehabilitating or rehab. It is a pointless waste of my time and energy. I used to make men my projects. It took me out of my own pain and suffering thinking I was helping them. I wasn’t. That was my ego making up stories to get me from realizing how I was suffering inside.
|My oldest son, Adam Gates and me, Boulder, CO 2013|
I used to be afraid of my husband. I was afraid to say what I thought. I was afraid to go against his edicts. I capitulated when he strongly disciplined my sons, against my inner wishes. I caved. I gave in, I had no will of my own. The fear led me to feel even more guilt-ridden and ashamed. I began to move through fear. Divorcing him gave me freedom, it also helped me realize he was my biggest teacher. Of course he wouldn’t respect me, I didn’t have respect for myself!
I learned along the way that our relationships are a mirror for ourselves. It is so much easier to blame another for what is going on in our lives than to focus on ourselves. Blame however, removes our responsibility. It takes our power away. When we step out of blame, it is a form of graduation. It raises us up to personal responsibility. When we become responsible for ourselves, we stop making excuses for being late not doing what we commit to. Excuses are dis-empowering. They reduce us in stature. Excuses are another form of blame. Blame is a low vibration as are guilt, shame and fear.
|Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Kaibab Trail, Grand Canyon, 2013
Moving from Boulder, CO to California 2013
Being who I am is easy now. It does not cause me suffering. I don’t feel guilty for being me. I can speak my truth. I am able to stand up for my beliefs. I don’t cave in when I feel something isn’t right for myself or my family. I stand up tall and feel beautiful. I don’t make excuses for who I am or what I say. When I make a rule for my daughter, I feel good about it, instead of apologetic or guilty. I used to feel bad when I made unpopular decisions for my family even when it was in every one’s best interest. I don’t feel guilty for anything anymore. I look 10 years younger than I did 10 years ago. I lost the 20 pounds that had hung on when I didn’t feel good about myself, effortlessly. It is funny how everything works better when you love yourself completely.
I began to take what others would call risks. I began to really live in the moment. If I was driving down and road and saw something that looked interesting, I made a bee-line for it. I experienced beauty wherever I was. My daughter might groan at first, then she found herself enjoying the experience of spontaneity as well. Our life had more joy and wonderment living in the moment. Instead of planning everything, life took on an organic movement to it. Vacations became spontaneous. I trusted my inner guidance, and it never ever failed me. Selling my landscape business in 2011, moving from Georgia to Colorado were huge. After 1 year in Boulder, Colorado, and the death of Ariel’s father, we needed a change. Listening to inner guidance, we moved to the Mojave desert in California. These decisions were made in the blink of an eye. We were packed and in California within two weeks of deciding. Confidence comes from living authentically. Standing in your truth. Being who you are, and LOVING WHO YOU ARE BEING. Living in the moment instead of the past or the future was part of my healing. Stepping into my BIG SELF, or my High Self became a natural and organic part of this transformation into enlightenment. Living authentically eradicates fear. I used to live in the gray area, of no decision. Wavering on life. It is very painful there. There is no peace when you live in the gray area. Not only do you hurt yourself when you are undecided, but you also hurt others. Living authentically and being true to yourself means that you are compassionate with yourself and others.
|My handsome sons, Adam and David Gates|
I stopped judging others and focused on myself and what I was experiencing. I began to live instead of exist. I spent time in Spiritual practice every day, without fail. Meditation began my day and gave me a solid foundation for success. Coming into stillness with myself was the calming influence that helped me begin my day from a place of peace and grounding that transcended the chaos that was my former life. I was grateful for everything I had. I learned to do without things I did not need. I only bought what gave me joy. I was much more careful with spending and liked my life clutter free. Nick-knacks and objects no longer were the focus, instead my relationships were always in the forefront of my mind. I only spent time with people I wanted to. I spent a lot of time alone. I regrouped and rebooted when I was alone. I made sure I got enough rest, healthy food and lots of laughter. I stopped watching the news 17 years ago. I had not read the newspaper since the 80’s. I only watched comedies and movies that helped me grow. Documentaries and knowledge held the power for me. I was no longer static or stagnating. I was constantly growing and evolving. Learning and growing with each experience. When people criticized me, I listened and thought about what they said. I checked inside to feel if there was merit or truth in their words. I did not get upset with the messenger. I stopped taking things personally and my emotions no longer ruled my world. I stopped looking for THE ONE, at every turn years ago. I was happy with me and could be happy living the rest of my life by myself. I trusted that if it was to be, I would not have to look for it, he would find me.
Happiness and Joy
Happiness and joy was what I breathed. It replaced suffering and depression. Love filled my heart. The more I loved myself, the more love and happiness exuded from me. Instead of meeting a world of angry people, I found life to be joyous and a wonderful expression of me. I still experienced emotions deeply. Instead of repressing emotions I allowed myself to feel them fully and in moments they were gone. I became a magnet for new clients who wanted to work with me, because they could feel my energy. When I did psychic fairs clients told me repeatedly that they picked me because I felt so grounded. The higher I vibrated, the more money flowed in. I became fearless, which aligned me for prosperity. There is recognition that we are spiritual beings experiencing our humanity, rather than the other way around.
Contact Jennifer through e-mail, or through her website.
|Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Beverly Hills Hotel, 7/7/2013
Jennifer is Self Actualized and enlightened. She is a certified hypnotherapist, Soul Sculptor who breaks the mold, speaker, and author. Her ability to channel creates a coaching experience like none other. Hearing the voice of The Divine creates a high-level experience for the client which bypasses the unconscious, clearing the way for true healing and growth to occur quickly. For those deeply committed to personal and spiritual growth, Jennifer offers a free 30-minute consultation to see if there is a good fit. She works with those deeply committed to personal growth to Love Yourself Fearlessly. She has created a process to help her clients love themselves compassionately, clear patterns of self-sabotage and live authentically. Those truly committed to deep spiritual growth can choose private intensives to deeply connect to their High Self in each moment. Jennifer leads intensive retreats to Maui, Bali, and India several times a year. Read more about Self Actualization here.