11 Steps To Deepen Intimacy

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters


Although the word INTIMACY conjures up thoughts of sex, true intimacy is much more complex than just sex.

Men and women want the same things we just go about getting them in  different ways.

True intimacy means a profound closeness and vulnerability between two people, that honors you. Intimacy is built on mutual respect, safety and caring. Intimacy is created by sharing of experiences with another that listens, honors and supports you and will not use these details against you. When you are able to expose all your deepest darkest secrets, hopes, dreams and feelings with another you develop a closeness and trust. 

Most people have insecurities about allowing someone to see their unprotected soft underbelly. Dropping our protective shield around our heart means letting go of past hurts and allowing someone in very close. Even in long-term committed relationships and marriages, intimacy can be missing. Just because you have been with someone a long time, does not mean that you have true intimacy. 


Living authentically, being your true self and speaking your truth from a place of compassion and integrity are key ingredients to deepening intimacy.

Being your true self at all times is living authentically. If you mask your emotions or hide your true self you are not being authentic.  

There are great benefits to allowing yourself to be vulnerable in a relationship. Here are some ways to create intimacy in your relationship to deepen the bond between you.

  1. Recognize that you are two unique individuals. In healthy relationships you remain separate rather than joining to be “ONE.”Come into your relationship whole and complete, rather than expecting the relationship to complete you. Having time apart and together gives you space to be yourselves.  
  2. Have fun together outside the bedroom. Go hiking, shopping together or exploring. Place tennis together or go dancing. Physical experiences outside of the bedroom help to create intimacy in the bedroom.
  3. Do you pick fights to avoid getting close? Some couples fight to have make-up sex. Watch for developing patterns within your relationship. Avoidance can be a problem and a red flag for people afraid of intimacy. Fear can block your relationship from going to the next level. Think of it this way, what is the worst that can happen? You might get hurt? Isn’t it worth risking getting hurt to have the relationship develop into a spiritually bonded intimacy?
  4. You have to love yourself first. Accepting yourself completely including your faults will allow you to be accepting and loving to your partner. You can only give what you are willing to give to yourself. If you don’t love yourself completely you will not love another completely and unconditionally. 
  5. Accept your partner for who he/she is without trying to change them. Accept the fact that neither of you is perfect. Loving and accepting the other as they are is unconditional love. 
  6. Be open and willing to learn from your partner. Your relationship is a mirror of what is going on inside of you. Rather than blame the other person, look inside take responsibility for what is yours and focus on what needs to be healed within you instead. 
  7. Practice conscious communication. Good communication involves listening to what your partner is saying rather than tuning your partner out. The better your verbal communication is the better the sex will be.
  8. Focus on love. Looking at your partner with the eyes of love rather than using a magnifying glass to amplify faults and issues will keep your relationship in balance. Focus on the good in you also. Stay in love with your partner by not amplifying their faults. Avoid criticism of your partner. You are not his/her mother or father. They are an adult – lovers don’t criticize. 
  9. Enjoy time apart and being alone with you. Solitude can teach you a lot about yourself. Our journey of self discovery is one taken alone – even when we are in a relationship. Revel in the time alone. Use it wisely. Practice meditation or yoga to help you connect to Source energy.
  10. Don’t have expectations of your partner. When we expect our partner to love us a certain way or give to us in a certain way or time frame we are setting ourselves up for suffering and disappointment. Instead let go of any expectations. 
  11. You have to risk it all to have it all.You have to take risks to have deep intimacy. Putting yourself out there, being vulnerable can be risky. However, the benefits can be great. Taking risks = deeper intimacy, deeper bond and closer more meaningful relationship.
Jennifer is an intuitive life, love and relationship coach. She coaches from her heart and life experience. She is your relationship cheerleader, helping you see all the good when you can’t, the catalyst for deep healing and self love and acceptance. You can reach Jennifer by e-mail HERE.

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