Is it possible to have sex with someone that is gratifying and ecstatic that are NOT in love with?
The answer is YES!
Sex and love are two entirely different entities. You can have sex without love. You can have love without sex. However, to bring the two together is what makes love better, deeper, more meaningful and much more intimate.
Intimacy does not necessarily have to do with sex, but sex creates deeper intimacy for two people in a committed relationship. It is difficult to have deep intimacy without a commitment. Trust helps to deepen intimacy. Without trust, uncertainty is present which blocks deep intimacy.
Sharing your naked body with a complete stranger is a totally different experience than making love to someone you know on a deep level. Once you let someone in completely you share your hopes, dreams and desires. Sharing you inner being with your partner can feel risky and scary. However, moving beyond the fears of intimacy creates a deeper connection that is unsurpassed. Trust builds, fears diminish and you begin to have a comfort and closeness that you cannot have with a complete stranger.
Trust, builds intimacy. You can’t trust a stranger, you don’t even know who they are. You haven’t shared your dreams, fears and hopes with them, you have no history. Yes, there is a difference between sex and love.
Does this mean that sex with a stranger can’t be amazing? NO! Sex with a stranger can be exciting, titillating and exhilarating. You have no past history. There have been no fights. You have not had births and deaths together. The act of sex is completely free of any past event. Rarely however, does sex with a stranger give you the mind-body-spirit experience that sex with someone you love does. It is a moment by moment experience.
The downside of sex without a connection can be that you are performing sexual gymnastics, rather than making love. It most probably means that you are not connecting on a deep and intimate level, because you have not let the person in. Your sexual needs may be met, your body may feel exhilarated and satisfied, but it can leave you feeling empty and lonely. You may even feel shame afterward. Society has taught us that this type of sex is bad. Freeing yourself of society’s more´s is needed to be free enough to not feel this shame.
Sex is the most intimate experience that two people can partake of. It deepens a love connection and brings two people closer together. Hormones are released that make you feel “in love.” Being aware of this rush of hormones will alleviate chasing after someone who may never call or think of you after a one-night stand.
I would love to hear your comments. What do you think?
Jennifer is an empowerment and sex coach for women. She empowers women to love themselves as they are, even the shadow parts. She herself has healed her life from self-hatred, low self esteem, co-dependency, addiction and shame. You can reach Jennifer at [email protected]