Do You Choose The Ass Hole Every Time?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Interested in hearing who Jennifer is on the air? Hollis Chapman, author of the book Pursue Your Passion interviews Jennifer about her book: Orgasm For Life.
This is Jennifer’s second time on Hollis’ show. Our last time was synergistic, laugh filled and very entertaining. Find out what makes Jennifer tick, and more about her book.


I was a stubborn person most of my life. Historically, I was highly emotional and reactive. Since I was a kid, I battled with issues of low self-esteem. There were many reasons why this is so, but for the purposes of this blog, suffice it to say, my foundational learning was based on not feeling good enough. Because of the way I grew up without validation and positive reinforcement, I felt like a victim. I had deeply ingrained patterns of hatred of men (childhood molestation). I continued to attract men who would abuse me. (Or so I thought). I attracted people who would abuse me. I was victimized in the workplace, marriages and in my life. It was my focus. Even when men tried to love me and show me what I was doing (being reactive) I could not hear them clearly. My programming turned their words around and it all felt like abuse.

I would get pissed off and go to my corner – or leave the marriage. I could not hear the truth if my life depended on it. I divorced, left, moved on and clearly ran away from deep intimacy and connection. It was what I did. My fear of being victimized enveloped me. I did not love myself.  I thought I did, but I didn’t. I created my own reality with my programming, which continued to replay in my head.
When we don’t love ourselves, we look for the bad boys or bad girls who will abuse us, mistreat us and abandon us. We unconsciously think that is what we deserve. We have patterns of being unworthy, undeserving and unlovable. We might be addicted, people pleasers unconsciously believing we have to give others love to be loved and accepted. We clearly do not love and accept ourselves. We do nice things for everyone else, in order to be loved and accepted. We are thirsty for validation and acceptance. Usually, our mothers had similar patterns and never validated or accepted us as children. I would never have believed this, had I not lived through it.
I went through men like some women change socks. I experienced many different types of people in this process. Each relationship taught me more about myself. I evolved, I read, did workshops, studied everything I could get my hands on. From Traditional Chinese Medicine, Hypnotherapy, Neuro-linguistic Programming, Energy Medicine, Energy Healing, Life Coaching. You name it, I became certified in it. If I found something that helped me feel better, I studied it. I experienced it deeply and it changed me. I began to feel better, more positive. My depression and insomnia healed. 
Our relationships provide a mirror to our own soul. They show us how we feel about ourselves by reflecting our issues back to us. It took me a long time to recognize how this worked. I did not want to believe that I had a deep rage I witnessed in my partners within myself. If your partner is abusing you, it is because you feel unworthy and undeserving of love. You do not love and accept yourself. You are not seeing who you are clearly. You may be avoiding feeling your emotions, conflict or deep conversations about what is truly going on inside of you. You may even avoid therapy. Because this may show you the truth. We avoid the people who do not lie, because we would rather live in denial than see the truth of our own issues. We run away in many different ways. Denial, avoidance and being emotionally unavailable are all ways we do so.
I found that the source of my own depression was repressed anger. When I finally began to release it, I found the pain that had been hiding underneath. 
I kept being attracted to the wrong people for me. The bad boys who would lie, cheat, steal my possessions or money. What this highlighted for me was my deep insecurities, my unworthiness and my neediness. I had deep patterns of hatred of men that I refused to see. I hid the truth from myself refusing to see, repressing who I truly was as well as what my unconscious mind was thinking.
All this, believe it or not, is for your highest and best good. All these events are put in place to evolve your soul. 
If everyone you choose seems to be an asshole, you do not love yourself. It is not the other person, it is YOU! Blaming them for where you are is not accepting this truth. Often we work for people we think are assholes. If assholes is all you see – it is time to look at the ugly truth – you have self hatred. It is not outside of you, the issue and truth lies within.
This is not to say, we need to continue to condemn ourselves. We need to love ourselves, completely, unconditionally and be kind to ourselves. I guide my clients to change their perspective. Instead of holding that magnifying glass in one hand and the baseball bat in the other, let them both go. Think of yourself as a newborn child. Love yourself anyway. Love all of you. Love the patterns, love the shadowy parts. This is what you need. Self acceptance and love is the key to healing. Being hard on yourself is what got you into this state. 
Let go of the fear. Let go of the control. Sink in deeper to the truth of who you are. Under all the insecurities is a beautiful peaceful place. There is beauty that lies within. We just need to be accepting. Loving and nurturing to ourselves. All of this shadowy stuff begins to unravel when we soften our gaze and look at ourselves with love, rather than hate. Hold ourselves in high esteem, rather than recrimination. 
Think of yourself as a newborn infant. When a newborn cries, or poops, we lovingly hold them, change them and feed them. We don’t beat them up for their behavior. We accept them and love them as they are, where they are. Using this same lens to view ourselves, gives love a chance to flood us. Acceptance is the way. Love holds the key.
Love is all about beauty, compassion and acceptance. It is not about judgement, condemnation or victimization. Evolution is our soul purpose on this planet. We are here to grow, learn what love is all about and change the world in some way. You cannot change the world when you can’t see the light within you. Offering your heart a loving smile, seeing yourself through the eyes of love is the way.
Sex is a way to better understand ourselves. It allows up to open, flower and let go. Through love-making we connect with another, smile lovingly at them, and enjoy some pleasure along the way. Life is supposed to be fun. Sex can add a new level of enjoyment, open you up to the light that you truly are. In an orgasmic state we are the closest we can be to The Divine. We experience a glimpse of awakening through orgasm, as the energy surges up our spinal column through the central channel to the brain. The blissful state we experience is that of God. 
If you continually attract people into your life that hurt, cheat, lie and abuse you, hiring someone like Jennifer could be the best thing you ever did for yourself. Loving myself changed my life. Life does not have to be difficult. We certainly do our best to make it so.
Jennifer is a self love, life and sex coach. She is the author of the forthcoming book: Orgasm For Life. She is awakened, dialed into The Divine, The Ascended Masters and your guides. Her sessions involve an interaction and conversation with God and The Ascended Masters. She has the unique ability to cut to the chase, saving you years of therapy and continued pain and suffering. She is adept at finding your issues, revealing them to you compassionately, guiding you into the light and power that you innately are. Her website is:

To schedule your discovery session, or to work with her you may choose to e-mail Jennifer at: [email protected]

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