Marriage Is Not THE Destination

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Wedding Bliss and Joy

I hear women planning their weddings, pouring time, energy and love over bridal magazines, it seems to me that many feel that a wedding is the final destination. “When I get married I will be happy!” seems to be the sentiment.Yet, marriages are ending at an alarming rate, people are depressed and suicidal, which is far from a blissful state. What is wrong with this picture? 

It was a very happy day

For me, it was not until my fourth marriage that I finally was ALL IN. I gave everything to my marriage. I was no longer looking for someone else. I was completely committed and, in love. I felt satiated with life. I thought I found THE ONE. Boy was I wrong. Within months of our wedding, he was having affairs. Being a psychic I knew these things. I was awakened from a sound sleep when he was away ostensibly visiting with his daughter. At 10:30 after being asleep for half an hour, my guides roused me, saying to me, “You should have heard from Jeff (name changed to protect him) by now.”

My happy place in Alpharetta, Georgia

I called him. Instead of him picking up, his phone went straight to voice mail. I could feel guilt on the other end of the line. I knew what this meant. He was not with his daughter. He was with someone else. Why after all these years, inner work and healing did I experience this pain and suffering? Because I had more work to do. I had cleared energetic patterns, but I had not cleared the emotion that I had stuffed deep down for over 50 years. I had covered up pain with anger and stuffed it all deep down inside.

Discovering your spouse or partner is having an affair is devastating. You begin to question what is wrong with you. The point is, that it is not you. It is them. They have a void that is not being filled. They looked to you to fill it and you did not. No one else can.

Each of us have our own lessons to learn. We all experience pain, suffering and trauma on some level to help us look within and grow. Pain is the catalyst for growth. Without it, we stagnate. Our soul purpose is to evolve and become enlightened, but most people have forgotten what we are here to do. Not everyone turns within. It is the higher road, but not an easy one. We each have to take responsibility for your own life, happiness and bliss. We depend on our marriages, husbands and wives to fulfill us. When this does not happen, you do what I did, you divorce them. 

Returning from India – Atlanta, GA with Ariel
Yet, happiness does not come from re-marrying another. It comes from deep introspection and self discovery. I had done so much of this it made me really question what was going on. After three months of grieving, screaming, crying and tossing his crap out of my barn, I let it all go. He was the catalyst for deep healing of my blocked emotions, and thankfully, I learned to let it all go. I was grateful for what he gave me. I let him go with love. Each person we encounter has something to teach us. Learning the lesson and recognizing the gift is the important message. Instead most of us blame our spouse or ex for what they did to us. When we do, we are missing the point. If you do not learn, grow, forgive and let go, you will attract another who will teach you a more difficult lesson. This will keep repeating until you learn. Your fulfillment, your happiness is an inside job. You are the purveyor of your own bliss, joy and happiness. You are the one who needs to say, “I choose to be happy. No one else can give that to me.”

We focus on what another can give us. Yet, what we give ourselves is permanent. Self acceptance, self care, unconditional love. Until we give it to ourselves, we are giving to others to manipulate, control and to attempt to fill the empty places within  ourselves. No other can fill a void. No other can love you enough. No other can validate you as you can yourself. 

When another is expecting us to fulfill them, to be responsible for their happiness, it is a huge burden. It is an impossible task. Yet, men, women and children spend lifetimes attempting to make others happy, to no avail. It is not possible. You will feel like a failure if you make this your life’s mission.
The old me, hugely popular but very unhappy

Instead love and accept yourself. Love yourself no matter what. Love the journey, the joy ride, rather than look to an event in your life to make you happy. No ring, certificate or marriage will give you happiness permanently. This is an experience and feeling you give to yourself. Live in the moment, rather than focusing on how some future event will make you happy. Each event in our life only comes one time. If you are focusing on the future, you miss the joy of the moment. You miss the love that is present right now. You miss out on living life to the fullest.

After The Wedding

When women (especially) focus on the fact that getting married will make them happy, they wake up days or weeks later and feel let down. If the wedding and being married didn’t make me happy, then it must be my husband’s fault. We blame the men for not doing it for us. Many women begin looking or another for this very reason. It may happen in 5, 10 or 20 years down the road. If you are not happy with yourself, no marriage will make you feel better about you. You may have the greatest guy in the world, but unfortunately you don’t see him as great, because you don’t FEEL great. This very thing recently happened within my own family. My son married a beautiful girl. He was deeply in love and committed to her. 

Her focus was on the wedding, rather than the relationship. Everything had to be perfect. She spent hundreds of hours creating center pieces for each table, decorations and give-aways for the guests. She put so much energy into the wedding. When my daughter (her bridesmaid) tinted her hair 6 months before the wedding, she freaked out. Yelling at her on Face Book, “How could you do this to me!” She was a bridezilla. The wedding, rather than the relationship was her focus. Within 2 years she met a guy at the gym that shone brighter – he must be the one that will do it for me! My son was devastated. 

Self Love Is The Key To Happiness

When we look for happiness outside of ourselves, we find that a love, marriage, job or car only gives us a temporary charge. The feelings don’t last because there is not enough love for ourselves. We are giving to others from an empty place. There is simply not enough to go around. When we are filled with unconditional love for ourselves, it is a very different story. Instead of focusing on our faults and being perfect, we need to accept ourselves the way we are – as if we will never change. We all have parts of ourselves that are less than stellar, because we are human. We also have talents, gifts and expertise that no one else has. We are all unique. When we begin to see the magic within ourselves, focusing on the beauty within, rather than seeing ourselves as ugly, imperfect and lacking everything shifts. Everyone of us have personality traits that make us different, those parts that don’t smell or look so pretty are the ones we need to embrace unconditionally. Those are the parts that are harder to love. Loving all of us, even those parts that are hard to love, fill us. Instead of feeling incomplete and broken we begin to feel full.

Our connection with God, Allah, Source energy is the other half of the equation. I have never been a religious person. I was not even sure God existed until well into my 30s. I needed proof and my life sure did not show me that there was a God. Many of us feel this way. It isn’t God that does bad things to us. It is our patterns, family programming that is in place for us to grow. We look at our lives upside down. We were taught backwards. When we were children we were taught that self love was selfishness. This is not so. I recommend doing The Divine Presence Process Meditation to fill yourself to overflowing. I have a You Tube video that many have used and found their love within.

We are not looking for another to MAKE US HAPPY. Sex becomes dull quickly. We begin to blame our spouse. We are not all in. We may have spoken the vows, but we don’t believe them. Since we don’t love ourselves, there is a constant search for the next best thing – whether it is a lover, or subsequent marriage. 

Famous People and Movie Stars

Have you ever noticed how rare it is for movie stars and musicians to have long-term marriages? People in the lime-light are often filled with self-loathing and unworthiness. They are faking it till they make it. Models fall into this category as well. They usually have very low self esteem. When our self esteem bank is low, we can’t take criticism, we get extremely defensive and reactive when there is any conflict. We are often in tremendous fear of our partner having an affair or leaving us, because we don’t feel good enough. Our thoughts create, so we end up creating just what we fear. Sadly those marriages that had such a beautiful spark of love, end. 

How Do I Focus On The Present?

  1. Breathe deeply. Quiet the mind chatter. 
  2. Stop blaming yourself for what you did or didn’t do in the past.
  3. Recognize that each event, relationship or experience in your life is to teach you more about who you are.
  4. There is no right or wrong. It was not wrong to fall in love or marry that person. It was just an experience.
  5. Let go of your story. Life is a series of experiences that we create for ourselves with our thoughts. If you continually tell your story of woe (I am so sick….  I am so lonely….. I am so broken… I am so depressed…. and I sick and tired…) The Universe will send you more of what you are focusing on. Stop telling your story. 
  6. Focus on the positive. Take your attention off the negative and magnify the positive. Whatever you focus your attention on will grow, whether it is positive or negative. You would rather have the positive, right? 
  7. If you have issues with 1 – 6 it is time to book your private session with me so that I can assist you to live in the moment, empower you, expand your awareness, heal, grow and evolve. If not now, WHEN?
Jennifer is the author of the forthcoming book: Orgasm For Life. She is awakened, living in the moment fully connected to The Divine. Her sessions are enlightening, heart-opening and life-changing. If you are ready to live life to the fullest, happy with you, connect with Jennifer to schedule your private session now. [email protected] or visit her website and check out what others have experienced through her coaching and teaching.

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