Overcoming Neediness

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

You are on a first date. He seems amazing.  You can’t wait to call him or text him to set up a second date. You inundate him with text  and phone messages. Then he doesn’t call. What happened?

You might even text him a few times afterward saying how wonderful an evening you had. WRONG! One text saying you had a great time, “Thank you for a great evening.” is fine. Anything more than one text is needy.

Give it time. Give it space. Breathe. Keep your feet on the ground. Notice and reflect on the date. Remember what he said to you. Did he listen, or was he texting someone else while on his date with you? 

When we are needy we tend to blow up and make insignificant things significant. We begin to think about spending the rest of our life with this person. We may even try his name on for size and wonder what our children will look like. Yet, we have only had one date. We might embellish their personality traits, overlooking their flaws. We also have a tendency to over look red flags. We need to remove our rose colored glasses that make him look better than he really is.

Instead of chasing a man, let him chase you. Men love the chase. When we are too available, too easy or always around, they don’t have to chase. They become the fat lazy dog, that doesn’t have to work for it. Men don’t like that. They love the thrill of the hunt. Allow him to come to you. Allow him to miss you, think about you and make the first move after he has met you. Allow the man to be the man. Yes, this is the 21st century. But some things never change. Men’s makeup is one of them. Men are the hunters and gatherers. Allow them to be the man. 

Neediness is very unattractive. Men find it a huge turnoff. How can we overcome our needy tendencies?

What is The Underlying Cause of Neediness?

Personal insecurities cause us to feel needy. When we feel we are not enough, unworthy or have low self esteem, we undervalue ourselves. We feel we have to take whatever we can get. We feel we need to settle, because we are afraid we will be alone. We are often so afraid of being alone that we will accept less than we deserve.

Our Mind Makes Up Stories

Our mind creates scenarios about possibilities with people in our lives. We can get carried away with these stories. Living in fantasy is not real. It is not healthy to follow these stories and embellish what is real. Being stuck in daydreams can cause us pain. Instead stop and breathe. Just be. Living in daydreams takes us away from reality. It drains our energy. Compulsive thoughts can stop us from really living. Stopping these day dreams will give us more energy. Instead watch and witness what is happening. 

How Can I Stop Being Needy?

  1. Relax and just allow things to unfold naturally.
  2. Stop trying to push a new relationship into something that it’s not. 
  3. Enjoy each moment of a new relationship. It is only new once.
  4. Be patient. 
  5. Take off the rose colored glasses. See this new person as they are – human with imperfections. 
  6. Do not contact them more than they contact you. 
  7. Do not suffocate your new found love. Give them space. Know that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Don’t try to spend every waking moment with them. 
  8. Do the things that you love to do. Exercise, spend time with your friends too. 
  9. If the other person tells you that they are not interested, or stop calling you, let them go. Don’t try to reel them back in – by doing things to get them interested in you.
  10. Find a spiritual practice to help sustain you. I meditated every day. This meditation helped to fill the emptiness, I used to feel. The Divine Presence Process Meditation
  11. Find other things to keep yourself busy. Do what you love. Many of us put aside our own desires putting the relationship in first place. Your needs are important. Do not make another more important than yourself.

Raising Your Confidence

Growing internally needs to be your number one priority. Know that it is okay to be alone. If you don’t love being alone with you, how can you expect anyone else to? Find something that you love to do, that fills your soul whenever you feel alone. No one is responsible for your happiness, but you. Make an intention each day to feel strong, whole and complete. No relationship or other person can fill you with happiness permanently. 

Happiness comes from within. Each of us is responsible for making ourselves happy. Knowing yourself well – spending time getting to know you and choosing to love yourself changes everything. We are our own worst critics. Yet there is nothing broken or wrong with us. There is nothing wrong with anything. We just make choices for ourselves. When we know ourselves as love, we stop looking for love outside of ourselves. As we begin to expand in this love we make different choices for ourselves. You will begin to experience yourself in a new reality.

Letting go can feel scary. We don’t have to know everything as we move through life. The not knowing is a new place to be. Know that you are not a victim or a martyr. Let go of the self persecution. Just recognize that we do these things to ourselves. Our thoughts of condemnation. You have limitless resources inside of you. Awareness changes everything. You will begin to notice, and just say to yourself, “I see that within me.” Loving yourself, thanking it, with love and gratitude will allow you to move into harmony, rather than disharmony.

Here are some ways to change your perspective. We create our own life. You are already worthy. You are already enough. The more you love and accept yourself, the more beautiful you feel, love radiates from within. You experience yourself as being FREE, rather than trapped. You are safe. The more you love yourself the more you attract love to you. 

Give Your Confidence A Boost!
  1. Take responsibility for your own happiness. No one can make you happy. 
  2. Know that our relationships mirror what is going on inside of us. Ask questions to discover more about yourself.
  3. Be compassionate towards yourself. 
  4. Let go of judgment and control of yourself and others. 
  5. Forgive Yourself. The Ho’oponopono Prayer is below.
  6. Breathe. Deep breathing brings you into the present with conscious breath. 
  7. Stop focusing on the past. Let go of your stories most of them are not real.
  8. Allow yourself to FEEL. When we rail against feeling, our emotions get stuck in our body. Allow your energy to MOVE.
  9. Spend time doing what you love. 
  10. Nurture yourself each day. Take salt baths by candlelight, read, meditate. Spend time doing what fills your soul every day.
  11. Use either mantra:  I AM WHOLE AND COMPLETE AS I AM.   or I AM STRONG!
  12. Spend time alone. Don’t look for a new relationship until you are sure you won’t repeat old patterns. 
  13. Experience yourself and your life, rather than judge.
  14. Stop striving for perfection. Each of us is human, which means we will never be perfect. 
  15. Embrace all of who you are, rather than trying to cut out the parts of you that you don’t like.
  16. Stop pushing your energy. Surrender into each moment. Feel what you are feeling. Drop inside to feel what you are feeling.
  17. Be grateful. When we are grateful for what we have, our vibrant health each day…  more good comes to you.
  18. Be authentic without fear. The more authentic you are, the happier you will be with your life. It is exhausting trying to please everyone and be what we feel others want us to be.

Ho’oponopono Prayer – For Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not a form of correcting, but rather letting go of the attachment to the past events in our lives that we have had reactions and judgement towards. Our reactivity towards events in our lives will begin to diminish. As we begin to shift our reality, we are triggered. We can choose differently how we react to events in our lives. Life is always and in every way working FOR you, rather than TO you. Life is our teacher. Learning to observe our lives with different eyes, changes everything. Use a softer focus or lens to view your life. View yourself with eyes of love, rather than judgment.

I am sorry
Please forgive me
I love you
Thank you.

When you feel ready to change paradigms to move out of fear and control, Jennifer can help you shift realities. She can help you get beyond where you are currently. You are far greater than you know. Jennifer can help you step into your BIG self, your High Self. 

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of Orgasm For Life. She is a life, love and sex coach. She has been a hypnotherapist since 1998, an energy healer since 2007, a certified life coach since 2011. Her website is: http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com

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