Can You Live Without Affection?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Humans need touch to thrive. Unless you have a close connection with your partner, you are probably not getting enough affection. After years of marriage, many people stop having sex, and rarely touch each other. This is just sad. When we don’t get love and attention from our partner, we can feel very alone and lonely within our relationship. 

Do you hug people when you first meet? I do. I am a hugger. When an outstretched hand is offered, I rarely shake it, instead I walk forward and hug the unsuspecting soul. I like to hug and connect heart-to-heart with left arm up over the other person’s shoulder. This way when we hug, our heart’s connect.

I recently went on a shopping expedition, at a store in Denver. I was sent there by a dear client. I rarely shop, but when I do, I buy several things at a time. I spent several hours trying on different clothes and outfits to find just the right thing. After I paid for my purchases, the owner of the shop came around the counter and said to me, “What fun I had helping you. You were so OPEN.” She hugged me good-bye as she had enjoyed helping me as much as I had enjoyed shopping. A hug signals acceptance. A hug shows you that you are loved. 

We just don’t hug enough. We don’t touch each other enough either. Whether you are an adult, a teenager or a senior citizen, you are not getting the touch you need to thrive. Our animals need touch to thrive as well. When we live alone, having a cat to hug or dog to embrace, can also fill the need for touch. When we are touched and hugged our immune system is bolstered. We feel better. Our neurological system is calmed down through touch.

Babies die even when their needs are met, but there is no cuddling, stroking or skin-to-skin contact. Dr. Rene Spitz was concerned in the 1940’s when the babies left in her care and in a sterile environment were dying. They were fed, changed, bathed. Yet, they were dying. She discovered that they were not being touched, stroked and were devoid of skin-to-skin contact.

Love and affection go together. We need the touch of a caring hand, a kind look from someone who loves us and hugs to actually thrive.  

When we are not in a relationship, hugs or having a hand to hold or someone to share life with seems like a far away dream. Even when we begin to date, affection may not be a part of the dating process. Sex can be present, but affection absent. Kindness, a loving touch, someone to listen to you and look at you when you are speaking all shows caring. Taking time to get to know someone will allow affection a place. Sex does not replace affection. Affection comes first, when you allow a relationship to grow naturally, rather than pushing to have your sexual needs met by a complete stranger.

Lonely in Marriage

Often when we have been with someone a long time, affection goes out the window. What replaces affection can be silence, avoidance and we can feel lonely within our relationship. But it doesn’t have to. 

The next time you pass your partner sitting at the table, touch them. Stroke the back of their hand, or put your hands on their

shoulders. Or how about offering a shoulder rub, or a foot massage. There are all kinds of ways to touch each other to show love that are non-sexual. 

As we age, affection replaces sex. We may still be sexually active, but the frequency may be reduced. Instead of every day, or three times a week, we may begin to have sex every other week, or every three weeks. With the reduction in sexual activity, we need additional touch. We can sit on the opposite ends of the couch together and rub each other’s feet while we talk about our work day.  We can hold hands when walking through the mall, or town. Our society is void of touch. This lack of touch makes us feel disconnected. 

We are high tech and low touch. But the human need remains. 

We spend hours on the Internet talking to “friends” on FaceBook, that we don’t even know. How about shutting off the computer and your phone and sitting and holding each other on the couch and talking for a change? Connect heart-to-heart and massage each other’s hands. Or how about something

completely different: lie spooning on the couch and watch a movie together? Spooning with your partner will give you the benefit of more than 12 hugs before the movie is over. You might be surprised what pops up between you!

10 Reasons You Need Touch

  1. Being hugged and touched reduces anxiety.
  2. You feel more confident when you are being touched.
  3. You feel accepted.
  4. You feel connected to others.
  5. You are being validated unconsciously by being hugged and touched.
  6. You bond with others through touch. It is the way we become more connected in our relationships with our children, and partners. Over time, some people touch less. Touch is something we need to work on and remember. It keeps us close. It keeps us bonded. Teens need touch and hugs too.
  7. Your immune system functions better when you are touched.
  8. Lowers blood pressure.
  9. Improves your outlook. Makes you feel more positive.
  10. Many of us are sensory deprived. All senses need to be expressed for healthy brain output. Feeling a soft blanket, walking through sand, soaking in a hot tub, or slipping into freshly washed sheets.

For those of you who are lonely and alone. You would be surprised who will hug you when you need it. Be open to receive. Take my Love Yourself Fearlessly course and find yourself being open to a new experience. By the 4th week, I have had many people find the love they have been looking for, right in front of them. Know that you are never alone. 

This article was inspired by Matt Chase a Linked In friend of mine. Here is his article that inspired me:

Jennifer is a life, sex and love coach. She helps women and men love themselves fearlessly. She also assists with sexual dysfunction. She is an ordained minister, hypnotherapist,

Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner, Energy Healer and catalystic healer. Just talking to Jennifer can bring up your issues. 

She works with people committed to heal their lives, and live a life of passion and happiness, grounded in the moment. She assist people with clutter of the mind and home. When there is harmony inside there will be harmony in the home. When there is clutter in the mind, there will be clutter in the home. Whatever is going on inside you is reflected in your outside world. Jennifer empowers, encourages and gives you a swift kick in the ass when you most need it – with compassion and directness. She will be your biggest cheerleader. She will be your biggest fan. She will get to know you and treat you with the respect you deserve. Visit her website here.

Looking for THE ONE? Jennifer has helped many women find the love they have been desiring for 10, 20 or more years. Of course, it begins within. YOU are the one you must give love to first, to find the love you are desiring. Jennifer is the one to take you there.

Humans need touch to thrive! Watch my video below.

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