Women think that they know what they want. We look for and seek out the sexy, hard-edged bad boy. When he treats us badly and sleeps with our best friend, or mother, we wonder what the hell happened? Yet, what do we expect? We picked someone who is a rebel, selfish, self-centered and disloyal. Why are some women like the moth to the flame? We can’t wait to self-destruct? Afterward, we cry to our friends about what an ass hole the guy was. When unconsciously we knew all along that this person would show us his true colors.
I was one of these women in the past, I longed for the sexy, hard-edged bad boy. The one all women would be attracted to. Women have a tendency to throw themselves at bad boys, at least I did. When we pick the really HOT GUY, usually there are many women vying for his attention and affection. The problem is that these bad boys are only reflecting back to us, the way we feel about ourselves – self-destructive, self-sabotaging and hateful.
Yes, when we look for the bad boys, we do it because we hurt ourselves with our thoughts. We are self-sabotaging. We attract someone to us that will hurt us the way we hurt ourselves. These bad boys are only a reflection of the inner workings of our mind. We feel unworthy for someone who will treat us like a Queen, so we attract a man who will show us our unworthiness. They will prove to us that a man can’t be faithful to us. We feel undeserving, and they reflect that right back to us. These men don’t apologize and are never at fault, they blame their women for their issues, whether they are alcohol-related or sexual indiscretions.
Self-loathing is something we don’t like to admit. When we expect perfection in ourselves, we are filled with an inner self-loathing. We don’t accept ourselves as we are. If you are one of these women who always seems to lean towards the bad boys, this is showing you your own lack of self-worth. We constantly tell ourselves we are not good enough. We beat ourselves up, looking to be perfect but miss the mark entirely.
Fast Life, fast cars, James Dean consummate bad boy
The truth is we are already perfect as we are. We are perfect in our imperfection. We have nothing to change, nothing to heal. All we have to do is begin to love and accept ourselves as we are. When we let go of our need to be perfect, we recognize we have already arrived. We are already there. We have already WON!
What Others Think of YOU is none of your business!
Worrying about what others think of us shows us our lack of self-love. When you truly love yourself, you don’t need to be validated by the outside world, your parents, siblings or friends. You already know who you are and are happy with you. Focusing on what others think shows you that you have not stepped into your personal power. Your power is in there, under the insecurities. It needs to be dusted off so that you can see your sparkly interior. Seeing the beauty within you, loving what you see, rather than chastising yourself, or feeling loathing or hatred when you look at yourself naked is key. We have to love all of us, not just a piece or a portion. We can’t cut off an arm, leg or a part of ourselves that we don’t like. We all have faults, personality traits that aren’t stellar and need some tender loving care.
Looking at ourselves with a soft focus instead of the Mother Superior with the metal edged ruler that beats us every time we don’t choose well. Instead of loving acceptance and compassion for who we are leads to fulfillment and internal permanent happiness.
Eventually……We Begin To Learn
I used to go for the bad boys. I was married to a couple of them. They were not faithful. They treated me badly. They treated ME the way I treated myself inside. I didn’t respect myself and they were disrespectful to me. It was all mirrored right back to me. All they were doing was reflecting back to me my internal circuitry of insecurity, lack of self-worth and self-hatred. I thought I loved myself. I didn’t. Loving yourself is not just saying, “I love me.” It is feeling it in the depth of your soul from the deepest part of your being. When you love yourself, you love life. You have a passion for living that makes everything come alive. Your purpose is evident. You live on purpose each day in every moment. You live in the present connected to your own Divinity within you. You feel connected to everything and love everyone. Loving acceptance of you, means you stop judging and CRITICISING you and everyone else as well.
It is So Much Easier To See Fault In Others
When our self-esteem is low, we easily see fault in everyone else. We point out other’s mistakes. We try to change others. This focus on others takes the focus off ourselves. Seeing fault in others means you are in denial of your own issues. Denial is one of the underlying signs of addiction. Codependency is an addiction. Being addicted to relationships – needing to be in a relationship because of neediness is the worst reason to be in one. Instead, love yourself first. When you love you completely accepting all of yourself you will begin to radiate that light of love out into the world. When you do, you will attract healthy balanced men into your life, rather than one who is addicted, abusive or will cheat on you.
The Big AHA – We Mirror Each Other
When I began to realize that every relationship I had was just a reflection of how I felt about myself, my world began to change. I realized I was not a victim. Everyone was not out to get me, as I previously thought. The Universe was not hateful. It was just confirming to me the thoughts that I had. When I began to focus on positive thoughts and asked questions instead of making closed-ended statements, it was like magic. Good things began to materialize for me in all areas of my life. Instead of saying to myself life is hard, I began to see how life worked FOR ME! I began to manifest in-the-moment when I asked: “How can I effortlessly and easily (have /create or receive) _________.”
I did not have to control everything and everyone. I didn’t have to try and change my partner, my children or my mother or make anyone better. I was in denial of my own sense of worth. It was far easier to look at others and see all their imperfections thinking that I was helping them.
When you can let go of what everyone else is doing and focus instead on yourself, you look within to see why you are triggered by something someone else does or says? You recognize that the reaction you had is YOURS! Hence when you are angered by something – you are not a victim, you are just experiencing an internal issue of your own surfacing. When someone cuts you off on the road, if you get angry it is not that they are doing something TO YOU, your internal issues of being powerless are coming up for you to see. You are not powerless. Obviously, that person was in a much bigger hurry and needed to get where they were going faster than you. That is all. It is something to put some love into. Acceptance and forgiveness for you.
The next time you look at a hot guy that you know in your heart will screw around on you, have compassion for you and love yourself some more. Look at where you have abandonment issues. Remember how Jennifer Anniston felt when Brad had an affair with Angelina Jolie. Awful! Sure he was cute. Yes, he was hot, but he broke her heart. Is this what you want for yourself?
Love is not supposed to hurt. Love does not ridicule, disrespect, abuse, abandon, or cause harm.
Begin Loving You Right NOW!
Let go of trying to be perfect.
Stop worrying about what others think about you.
Focus on the positive.
Look at yourself with eyes of love.
Stop beating yourself up with thoughts and words.
Soften your focus. Think of yourself as a newborn baby. You would not beat up, or think negatively about a newborn baby, neither should you of yourself.
Know you are already ENOUGH!
You are WORTHY!
If you continue to attract men that treat you badly, it is time for you to hire a coach that can help you change your perspective. You don’t have to change. Instead, begin to look at yourself with a softer gaze. Let go of the baseball bat and the magnifying glass that you view yourself through. Jennifer has healed her own self loathing and low self esteem. She has been where you are and has compassion and understanding for you. At the same time, Jennifer will be direct, clear and help you see things differently. If you are ready to have permanent and lasting happiness, positivity in all areas of your life and live your soul purpose, you have come to the right place.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of two books, the latest is Orgasm For Life available on Amazon.com. Jennifer is a healed healer, having healed past childhood trauma and sexual abuse, sexual dysfunction and depression. When she began to love herself, her pain, illness, diseases – Fibromyaligia and Epstein Barr syndrome magically disappeared. Your thoughts create illness and pain in your body. Healing self loathing can heal the pain in your body as well as change your life. Schedule your FREE 30 minute session with Jennifer to work through an issue, or see how working with Jennifer will change your life for the better. Live your purpose with PASSION. Live a passion filled life. Have a book within you that is bursting to come out? Jennifer is holding a retreat this fall to teach aspiring authors to channel their own book. E-mail Jennifer NOW