By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
It is not news to anyone that men more often than not want sex more frequently than women. I am not saying this always is the case, but generally speaking, men are more motivated by sex than women. Men are testosterone based, as my friend Linzi Levinson from Voice America, Illuminating Now, says and women are emotion.
So you want more sex and you wonder why it isn’t happening more frequently. Here are some of the reasons why.
- You may be coming too quickly and therefore not satisfying your woman. Women typically need more time to get from zero to 60 mph. They need time to become aroused, get into the mood and get revved up. In my book, Orgasm For Life, I call this HTP. It is a problem. If you come within the first few minutes, it is a problem. More frequent sex does not make this HTP go away. (Read my book for the solution anger/rage is the reason. This anger is hidden.) When the woman is not satisfied on a regular basis, she becomes disinterested in sex and either shuts down sexually, finds another partner or self stimulates, possibly with a vibrator.
- You may be making love longer than two minutes, but you may not be giving your woman enough stimulation in the right places. Every woman is different. Some like their nipples squeezed, sucked or pulled, some like their neck nibbled, kissed or bitten. Some women want you to have three hands and digitally stimulate, nibble, kiss and lick all at the same time! Women need more than 2 minutes of foreplay. If you are not stimulating your woman to orgasm before entry, you are missing the boat, and the orgasm for her. The key is to slow down, take your time and pleasure her first. She will be so grateful you will have her smiling and pulling you into the bedroom for more~!
- Focus on HER pleasure, instead of yours first. You will come, don’t worry. You usually do, right? But women more often than not, DON’T. This is where the gap is. Women need 20 – 40 minutes of stimulation, digitally (fingers), orally (tongue, lips) or all of the above. Take time to stimulate, get her really aroused. Even if she begs for it, stimulate her longer. The G-spot will not even show up until 20 minutes of stimulation. If you want her to experience a G-spot orgasm and have you being called “THE MAN” take your time. Stimulate her for 20 minutes – not just in one place either.
- NO TARGET PRACTICE! Some men look at women as if all we are is breasts, ass and a vagina. Notice other body parts. Her face, her eyelids, her ears, neck…..Believe me we are so much more than sexual body parts. We have a beautiful face. Tell us we are beautiful. We have a neck, kiss it, nibble on it, touch and stroke our arms, our legs and stomach before you zero in on the TARGET. Spend time massaging, stroking, kissing all of her before you zero in on the vagina or clitoris. Follow #5.
- Spend 10 minutes kissing, 10 minutes stroking, 10 minutes all over body massage, 10 minutes oral sex, 10 minutes of digital stimulation, then you can make love. Anything less than 20 minutes of foreplay is not enough for MOST women.
- Every woman is different. We are different during ovulation, menstruation, pregnancy. Different times of the month and different hormonal imbalances can change sensitivity. What works today wonderfully well, may piss us off tomorrow. Take careful note of hormonal cycles, sensitivity at different parts of the month and act accordingly.
- Make sure your woman has an orgasm one, two or three times before you do. Each woman is capable of being multi-orgasmic. The trouble is that many men are in a rush to “GET ‘ER DONE!” Enter and get off and done. This leaves women wanting. This means you don’t get frequent sex, because you are not a great lover. Being selfish in bed will get you cut off. The more giving you are to your lover, the more you will get in return. Taking time to pleasure all her hot buttons, will get her to the big “O” before you do. Make sure she has at least one orgasm, or maybe two, before penile penetration.
The point here men is, focus on her pleasure. Tell her she is beautiful. Tell her she is lovely. Give to her FIRST. Then you will have her coming back for more. Remember the reason I wrote Orgasm For Life was that 80% of women fake it, because they are not having orgasms. The reason they are not having them, is because their partners are not giving them what they need.
Make love in her head first. Arousal begins in the head. Start with love-making in the morning. Leave a rose on her pillow. Tell her when you leave in the morning you can’t wait to get home to her tonight. Whisper in her ear what you want to do to her when you get home. Leave her thinking about your kiss as you walk out the door. Give her something sweet and sexy to think about.
Women can’t get aroused when they are fighting with you. When you haven’t told her how beautiful she is. They can’t focus on sex when the kids are crying, there is laundry all over and the dishes aren’t washed. Women are different than men. Obviously! That is why you are attracted to them in the first place. More in my book, Orgasm For Life.
Jennifer is an author, inspirational speaker and has been on over 200 radio shows in the past two years. She is a life, love and sex coach. Her website is: JenniferElizabethMasters.com