Asking For What You Want In The Bedroom

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters


Not able to have an orgasm, or want more information about how to have better love and better sex. Last night, Devi Ward had me on her fabulous show. Devi is a former stripper, monk, turned sex educator and Tantra teacher. She is fun, wise and lovely. The two of us together certainly enjoyed this interview. I invite you to listen.
Healing is something that is needed for those who have been raped, molested, or sexually assaulted. Part of this interview discusses my own personal healing and how I went from being non-orgasmic to multi-orgasmic.

I was inspired to write Orgasm For Life because of my own inability to have an orgasm. Although I enjoyed sex during my life and marriages, having orgasms didn’t happen. 
What Is The Problem?
Most of us don’t talk about sex. Even married couples don’t discuss it. We need to talk to our partners so that when difficulties arise we can talk about our issues. We tend to get huffy when something doesn’t work for us, or our partner doesn’t magically know how to touch us.

Don’t Take It Personally

Yes sex is personal. It’s extremely personal, in fact. Taking it personally when our partner does not touch us the way we want will lead to arguments. We can’t expect our partner to just KNOW. Communicating what we want is paramount for understanding. Men want a road map. They want to know what you like.

Our Partners Don’t Read Our Minds
We expect our partners to intuitively know how to please us. Women are enigmas. We change with our menstrual cycles. We change with our moods. Men have difficulties trying to figure out what we want and like in the bedroom. 
Women Are Constantly Changing
Our bodies are constantly changing. Our emotions play a large part in what we want. Our moods change. Knowing that, we are not mind readers, we need to let our partners know what we want. The best way to let our partners know what we want is by exploring our own bodies, so that we know what we like. 
Vulnerable When We’re Naked
We are never so vulnerable as when we are naked. We want to let our partners know delicately, without demanding. Letting your partner know what they are doing well first, then what you would like them to do differently is important.

Don’t Want To Bruise Their Ego

We can ask for what we want without being a dictator. Barking out orders in the bedroom can be a turn off. Telling your partner what you like that they are doing well, should precede a request for something you want changed. For example, “Baby, I love it when you grab my ass when we are making love, can you suck my nipple harder next time?
Afraid Of What They Will Think of YOU!?
Do you think your partner will think you are a HO? Full disclosure is important. For our partners to know what we want, we need to let them know. Tell them. Remember not to judge your partner when they tell you what they want.
It takes courage to ask for what you want. We have to accept our partner without judgment, shame. Acknowledgement of the hidden shame about asking what we want can make it easier. Being open minded and willing to try new things, and understand where your partner is coming from. We are all looking for love, acceptance and understanding. Each of us is different with different needs. Acceptance leads to a deeper connection and certainly fewer arguments.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is an author, sex coach, and sex instructor. She is available for private and confidential sessions regarding love, sex and issues between the sheets. Her website is: 


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