Women are programmed from an early age to look for our Prince Charming who will sweep us off our feet. We dream of our own wedding day and living happily ever after. When we do get married and realize that our marriage is not perfect and we are not living happily ever after, many women begin to look for that perfect man who will bring total happiness to her life. Many of us grew up believing that life and marriage can exist in total peace and harmony 100% of the time. When in reality, marriage is about compromise, resolving conflict and healing our personal issues.
Conflict is not something that we look for when we are dating. As a matter of fact, most of us will avoid conflict if we can. We might even leave a relationship because of it. What if conflict is coming up to illustrate what your issues are? What if your partner is giving you a gift with this conflict? What if these issues that are surfacing are coming up to be healed? What happens if we walk away from our issues? All of these questions are answered below.
It is true we attract what we are. If we live in fear, we might attract a partner who we are afraid of. Or perhaps our worst fears are realized when our partner has an affair and betrays us. There could be anger issues that surface. Or perhaps security is our biggest issue, we might be plagued with joblessness, or financial issues throughout our marriage.
The way we heal is by drawing to us, what we need to heal and illustrate what our issues are. Which is why when we leave a situation before we have learned our lessons and dealt with the issues completely, we end up attracting another mate, with the same or similar issues. You might think it is strange that we would attract someone that would be like an acne treatment and push out all our yucky stuff to the surface. However, everyone has issues. Not one of us on this planet is perfect. Looking for the perfect partner where there will be peace, calm, joy and happiness 100% of the time only occurs in fairy tales. If we didn’t have this sharp contrast, we wouldn’t appreciate the wonderful blissfully happy times when they occur.
If we don’t complete our lessons on a particular issue, we will attract another partner where we will. You can’t escape yourself. You can’t escape your issues. You can divorce, move away, and find another partner who will bring exactly what needs to be healed to the surface. They may trigger us to react emotionally. We might even blame them for “making us feel” a certain way. Yet, they are not the issue, we are. Leaving a partner thinking that you can escape is not the answer. If there is love between the two of you, it is far better to stay in the marriage and work on these issues to heal them. If you don’t, you will find another who looks very different, but will have the same issues which will help you work on and resolve yours. There is no escape, it is why we are here.
- Breathe and take a moment to get centered before speaking out with intense emotion. Once words are spoken it is very difficult to take them back.
- Make sure you listen to what your partner is saying and repeat back to them: “I hear you saying, that when I ________ that you ____________.” This way your partner feels heard.
- Use I statements. “I feel that ________” “When you say _____ I feel __________.”
- Avoid pointing fingers. No one wants to be told that they are wrong. We shut down when someone makes us wrong. Telling your partner that you are right and they are wrong is ego-based. it will not win you any kisses, favors or brownie points.
- Look inside to see where this issue has come up before. Where did it originate? Most likely you are upset and triggered about something that has NOTHING to do with what is going on in the PRESENT MOMENT. Most of our issues are from childhood.
- Take responsibility for your own actions, emotions and words.
- Remember at the end of the day, you will be climbing into bed with your partner. Love is the name of the game, not winning.
Jennifer is more than a certified coach. She holds certificates in Energy Healing, Hypnotherapy and NLP. She is highly intuitive, and compassionate. Yet at the same time direct and will hold your feet to the fire. She will push you, be your biggest cheerleader and GET YOU. She has an innate ability to understand you at a soul level. Clients have commented that she understands them like no one else does. You can’t say more than that about a coach!