By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
How often do we hear or think, “If only you were different, I could really love you?” Maybe you have children and your new partner does not want them. Perhaps you don’t look the way your partner perceives their ideal mate should look. Or maybe it is something else.
It seems that most men have anger issues that they have not deal with. Some are controlling, or even jealous. Perhaps they put you down, or have addictions. What about the sneaking feeling that he is not telling the complete truth?
Women can be controlling, bitchy and outright confusing. Both sexes have our own share of issues. We are humans, and we are all works in progress. When we look at someone and point out their issues in our minds, what we are also doing is focusing on them instead of us. When we don’t have addictions, anger issues and control issues, we will attract someone who also has healed their issues as well. As long as we have work to do on ourselves, we will continue to attract partners who will illustrate to us what work we do have to do. For example, if you have been co-dependent, you may continue to attract people who are alcoholics or addicts. Until we really are free of our co-dependence, our vibration continually attracts those who will help us heal OUR ISSUES. Loving ourselves unconditionally through the process is what we need to do.
It is so much easier to look at someone else and say, “They are emotionally unavailable.” If you have attracted someone who is not available emotionally then neither are you. It’s okay. Not all issues have an equal match that is immediately evident. Sometimes women have a fear of anger, then attract a man who rages and/or yells. We need to overcome our fears. Self advocating, rather than shrinking away is what is needed. Stepping forward and addressing what is bothering us is key. Often we keep quiet for fear of retaliation. When we don’t speak up about what is upsetting us, the issue will continue. When we don’t have the issue, we will no longer attract this kind of partner.
What We Are Saying To Ourselves
When we look at another person and point a finger, we are focusing outside of ourselves, when the focus needs to be on ourselves. What is the source of this attraction? Do I have a similar match? Looking at your partner and saying, “You are the one with the problem!” is acting in denial.
Side-Stepping A Problem
When we begin to recognize that we are the one with the insecurity, or the fear that needs healing, we need help. It is difficult to clear anxiety on your own. I did it, but it took me almost 30 years to do it on my own. One of the biggest issues that both men and women
have is not addressing a problem when it arises. We tend to keep quiet so that we don’t rock the boat. If your boat is unstable, I have news for you: it is already rocking! Speak up. Talk about the issues AS THEY COME UP. Don’t keep setting problems aside, as they will build a mountain of resentment that will be difficult to overcome. Ask questions. Don’t be afraid.
How To Speak Up Without Blame
- Use “I” statements. For example, “When you call me a piece of do-do, I FEEL bad. I would prefer it if you treated me with respect, caring and love.”
- If someone does not accept you the way you are, tell them so. “It feels to me that you want me to change. Unconditional love, accepts me as I am. Do you not love me as I am?” No one is perfect, not even your partner. Acceptance is key. If they don’t accept you, move on.
- If your partner is not accepting you now, they never will. Non-acceptance speaks volumes about the person that you are with. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who does accept you? Ask yourself this question, “Do I accept myself, the way I am?”
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of Orgasm For Life. This fabulous high energy book will help you look at yourself AND your partner compassionately. It will help you bring back
the passion, create new ways of making love and help you understand what you both need. Jennifer works privately with people committed to heal, grow and evolve. If you have anxiety, depression, addictions, or are unhappy with your life, you have come to the right place. Jennifer has been where you are. She suffered from co-dependence, depression, anxiety, health issues and insomnia for over 30 years. She worked diligently on herself, developing in the process a plan that works. Healing and change does not happen over night. Jennifer is a cheerleader, guide, and Intuitive catalyst. Her work is transformative. If you have not done it on your own, call Jennifer now. She is available for a one-time session to see if her work is a good fit for you. (770) 480-5500.
If you would prefer, send her an e-mail now: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com Or visit her website: http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com