By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Why make a big thing about a gift? Sometimes people give you things and expect something in return. Sometimes people give you things and expect you to return the thing they gave you when you are done with it. Sometimes people give you a gift, like a favor. After receiving the favor you spend days, cleaning up their handiwork repairing what has been done. What about those people who give you a gift and then make you pay for it in different ways? In all of these cases, this is not a gift.
“When someone gives a gift and there is a cost to the receiver, in any way, it is not a gift. ” Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
You can quote me on this. We receive gifts of all sorts over the holidays, birthdays and at other times. How do we handle
situations where people give to us with strings attached? How do we respond when someone wants something in return? Or better yet, how do we handle people who manipulate through gifts?
The Gift of Sex
Have you ever had sex with someone, then wished you hadn’t because the cost of the manipulation was too great? Both men and women can use sex as a tool to manipulate or extract something in return. For some women, even when they are not professionals, it can be money, a home, or jewelry. Even married women can use sex to manipulate their husbands. Manipulation of any sort is a low vibrational behavior. People use manipulation when they have low self esteem, or feel disempowered.
When we receive a gift from someone who is known for asking for something in return, we have several choices. We can:
a) decline the gift
b) ask questions when we receive the gift. Do they expect it returned to them at some point? We can do the if/then response. If you want this back, “No thank you.”
c) remind ourselves not to associate with people who are manipulative
Be watchful for your own manipulation. Do you do things for others expecting something in return? Do you ever give gifts that have a cost to the receiver? It the answer is no on both counts, perhaps you need to rethink your association with someone who would need to attempt to control or extract certain behavior from you.
What is the meaning of manipulation? The Free Dictionary.com defines manipulation as the following:
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