Addicted To Love?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Everything is better when we are in love. We can’t sleep, can’t eat. Yes, Robert Palmer was correct. We are addicted to love! We have a one track mind. 


The sun shines brighter, birds sing sweeter, if we are able to eat, our food tastes better while our hearts are all aflutter. Our blood chemistry changes when we are falling. We begin to let down our guard. We open our hearts and there is nothing better than the feeling of new love, returned. We feel beautiful, sexy, amazing and oh, so happy. (Which is why we are so happy when we love ourselves completely.)

For some, the act of falling in love makes their palms sweat, they feel that it will never happen to them. I have talked to hundreds of people who feel love will not come to them in their lifetime. They are probably correct. It is what they believe. 

Some people avoid love. They avoid love by quickly find that the people they are dating are annoying and have flaws and faults they can’t deal with. These same people shun attachment and avoid dating out of fear. When we are able to look at the way we explain our choices by saying, there was something wrong with everyone we meet, we can begin to move beyond our fear of loss. What is worse than loss of love, is never having loved at all. W take risks every day in business, driving our cars and in other ways. However risking and opening to love, may be something we need some assistance with. Some people who avoid love are married.
Our beliefs and our thoughts are what create our world. With belief, intent and conviction, those same people could have the love they so desire. All they have to do is change their mind. The mind is what we are about to delve into. Just what happens to our brain when we fall in love?

To the outsider, we seem crazy. Well, maybe we are. We are crazy in love! If you have ever felt that euphoric feeling, acting ridiculous, giddy and silly, you are not alone. When you look at the one you are passionate about, some areas of the brain are activated.

However, a large area of the brain that governs judgment is deactivated and switched off. We are much more trusting of someone when we are “in love.” We seem to be blind to their faults. Professor Samir Ziki, of neuroaesthetics at University College, College, London feels that this may be because of the biological need to reproduce. We are much more likely to want to “reproduce” with someone we have no judgment about. Which means the most unlikely couples can come together.

The Danger
If you have ever chosen someone that was not the best for you, you will remember friends, family members asking, “Don’t you see?” We don’t. We have no judgment. Which is why the very things we fell in love with in the beginning are the traits that bug the shit out of us later on. (I am sure you have never experienced that.) The area that controls fear and other negative emotions is shut down when you are in love. Which is why you are not afraid of anything negative happening.
Addicted To Love? 
Studies have shown that the chemical dopamine registers at much higher levels in those subjects who are in love, than those who are not. Dopamine

can cause acute feelings of reward, a feeling of being high on life. Dopamine is key to our experiences of pleasure and pain linked to addiction, desire, euphoria. A surge in dopamine can cause us to feel the same way a cocaine addict does – not wanting to give it up. Another chemical that is found to increase is PEA, phenethylamine. Which is also found in small quantities in chocolate. It stimulates the nervous system, acts as an antidepressant in both sexes during periods of romance.

You Might As Well Face It, You’re Addicted to LOVE!
The side effect of the rising dopamine levels is a reduction in the hormone serotonin. Serotonin is a key chemical that regulates moods, appetite and sleep cycles.

Scared Into Love?

Adrenaline is another chemical released when we are in love, which is the reason why our palms sweat, our mouth may go dry or we may feel jittery around the one we are falling for. Adrenaline is also the reason for two people only vaguely attracted to one another, experience a frightening experience together and fall madly in love. 

Fear In An Affair

One of the reasons some people feel so drawn to cheat is the rush of feeling so fully alive. Fear of being caught while having an affair can cause a rise in adrenaline in the body. Even when the affair is only meant for illicit sex, couples often fall in love, due to the increased production of adrenaline in their bodies. What begins as physical can turn into something greater due to the chemical released in the body.

Falling Out of Love

The excitement and adrenaline rush of new love does not last forever. It has been Scientifically proven to only last up to two years. Many people think that when the honeymoon phase of the relationship ends that love is gone. It has just changed. 

After the initial “in love” phase ends we need to focus on the qualities that we love in our partner. Over time, we drop into a routine. We can become comfortable, even complacent. When the newness wears off our relationship we can feel like we are no longer in love. Love ebbs and flows like the ocean. Over time, it deepens and becomes mature, confident and often routine. We may not feel exactly as we did when we fell in love, but there is still a spark lying dormant, it is always there, under the diapers, laundry and karate classes. 

Keeping love fresh, renewing interests and having deep meaningful conversations helps to keep the embers burning brightly. Just like a puppy grows into a mature dog, that still needs to be petted, loved and walked, so too mature love needs to be nurtured, encouraged and noticed. When we begin to take each other for granted, we feel

unimportant and insignificant. 

We forget about how much we mean to each other. It feels good to be wanted. When our partner doesn’t express a desire for us, we can feel unappreciated, or even unloved. When another begins to pay attention to our partner causing us to realize just how wonderful they really are, it is often too late. Love never ends, it just takes our time, energy and attention. Remember your loved one this Valentine’s Day, not just on February 14th, but every day. Every day is Valentine’s Day when you have a love. Nurture them, appreciate your partner, keep them close and don’t forget to make love. 

The Joy of Love

People in love lose weight, get in better shape and take up hobbies they might never have considered before. Falling in love pushes us beyond where we have gone before. We risk more, we expand beyond our limited beliefs, the little box we have created for ourselves. Falling in love, might quite possibly be, the best thing ever to come across our path. Why not make yourself more open to love, by loving yourself fearlessly. Join Jennifer on her new radio show on BBM Global radio, ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. Like me on Face Book. Comment on this post, I would love to hear from you.


What people are saying about Jennifer:

I met Jennifer at one of her workshops that a friend recommended to me.  At that time I was searching, and wanting some help out of my deep depression and anxiety.
Keeping in touch, I joined her on line workshops, and eventually her coaching once a week.

One of my earliest coaching sessions with Jennifer, I felt complete trust, like I have never felt with anyone in my ENTIRE LIFE.  I told her my deepest darkest secrets, and she welcomed me into her loving space.  For this, I will never ever forget, and will be eternally grateful.    

She allowed me to be where I was, no rescue, no high expectation – no pat advice that I have heard over and over – not landing anywhere in me that could really grow.

Her advice was simple and doable, small steps to move forward – with kindness, and no judgment allowed me to open up.
The meditations helped me see my guides and myself in a new light.  

As I grew in compassion and respect for myself as a result from the coaching sessions, vast changes in me occurred.I feel happier, more peaceful, more truly loving now.
In both my professional life and personal life, the changes though subtle, were highly significant:  I easily am present with people and they sense this.  If nothing else occurs, I feel that this is a huge gift, to be able to connect with people so that they feel heard and significant. N.A., Atlanta, GA

Contact Jennifer now for questions, or to set up an appointment

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