How often do we rush into a session of sex without being completely present? 50% of the time? 60% of the time? All of the time? Think about your last tryst. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what a tryst is, I am referring to a roll in the hay, sexual congress, coupling, rogering, boinking. Whatever you call it, sexual union can be greater than ourselves when we make it mindful, and are completely present.
The more conscious we can be when we couple, the more intense the experience will become. Being completely present during your lovemaking will allow you to be completely focused on your experience. In fact, I recommend that everyone spend just 10 minutes a day in complete silence, so that all your experiences become more pleasurable. Your day will be more peaceful and productive and you will feel happier, focused and clear. No matter where I travel to, I meditate every day. I get up 30 minutes or an hour early to be sure that I have enough time. Without meditation my day will be less structured, I accomplish less and my writing is not as clear. Meditation is the foundation of my day.
We Have Contact!
Instead of just doing the physical part, look each other in the eyes. Really SEE each other. We connect to each other’s souls through
our eyes. Eye contact is often not part of lovemaking at all because people don’t feel secure enough, or are afraid to be completely seen authentically for who they are by another person. Even those who have been together for years, forget to look their partner in their eyes. Try it, you may love it! Let me know how it worked for you.
I am so excited about the prospect of teaching people to meditate to have conscious sex, that this is becoming part of my teaching. Meditation will help you calm your thoughts, slow down respiration, calm nerves, reduce stress and keep you healthier. Meditation has been scientifically proven to improve health, focus reduce pain and stress.
Think You Have Too Much Monkey Chatter?
Even those who have intense monkey chatter in their minds can slow down their thoughts and quiet their mind. If I can get you to
sit still, turn off your cell, television, computer and stop talking for 10 minutes you are GOLDEN!
You don’t have to sit in the lotus position (cross-legged) to meditate. In fact you can sit up in bed, in a chair, or on a couch. Meditation works best if you choose the same time of day, and same place to meditate. This lets your body know what is coming. Meditation can be done in your car, in a hotel room, outside in a park, out in the desert, by a stream, ocean or mountain.
I have meditated in all these places. A mountain top is my favorite
place. However, the most common place for me to meditate is in my bed. I love my bed, it is quiet, soft, comforting and I feel at peace there. I don’t meditate lying down, as I would fall asleep. Meditation is an awareness, being more present, awake and conscious than normal. I have witnessed Buddhist monks meditating on beaches, in parks, where there are plenty of people, children playing, it does not matter.
Make sure you are comfortable before you begin. If you are sitting in bed, prop pillows up behind you so that you are supported. If you are sitting in the lotus position, be sure that you can hold the position for at least 10 minutes, comfortably.
Light A Candle
You can make your meditation simple. Sit down and get down to it. Or, you can make your meditation a ceremony, which is what I do. I light incense and a candle or two. You don’t have to. If all the extra details will stop you from meditating, keep it simple. You can always add the extras at another time, when you feel really comfortable with the amount of time you have and your meditation. The key is to sit down and meditate. The other things are not necessary.
The key to meditation is not focusing on the thoughts. Thoughts will come and go, I will give you three different ways to quiet the racing thoughts that will help you tremendously. I used to have incessant thoughts. I thought I could never meditate. Now, I work
with clients who tell me the same thing when they begin. Many have come to a place of no thought. This is a fantastic place to be. I teach my coaching clients meditation, because it is such a helpful tool to finding peace within. The three exercises to quiet the mind have been provided because everyone is different. What works for one, might not for someone else.
Close your eyes. Envision a laser entering through the back of your head at the base of your neck. Envision this laser exiting through the top of your forehead. Sit for about 5 minutes, just envisioning the laser coming through the top of your forehead (where your hair line should be).
Sit with your head straight. Do not raise your chin as you do this exercise. Turn your eyes upward toward the ceiling, without moving your head upward. Only your eyeballs are turned upward to look at the ceiling. The muscles in your eyes will pull a little. This is good for your eyes, we rarely exercise them in this way. Sit for about 5 minutes with your eyes turned up looking at the ceiling and begin your meditation now.
This third exercise is call the balloon meditation. Envision a balloon above your head. Every time a thought floats by, put it in the balloon. As another thought comes in, just say, “Oh that’s another thought….. I’ll just put it in the balloon.” The key is to not beat yourself up, as that focuses on the thought, creating more thoughts.
Focus On Your Breath
Most people do not breathe deeply enough. Deep focused breathing is what brings you to the present, and will help you calm down. Just notice your inhalation. Breathe in deeply and slowly. Exhale completely and slowly. Notice your breath. Focus your attention on your inhalation and your exhalation.
If you have read my articles about Tantra, you will already know the power of a mudra. A mudra is a hand position. Mudras although simple, are a powerful way to clear your energy, help calm the mind and can heal your body. I have provided a link for mudras
here if you wish to examine these further. I recommend keeping it simple. The Gyan mudra is easy, quick and known by most. Each mudra does something different for the physical body and emotions. Mudras can help clear up physical disturbances. They focus on the 5 elements, earth, wind, air, fire, Aakash (ether). There are Hindu mudras and Buddhist mudras. The Buddhist mudras are a little more complex.
The first one is the Gyan mudra. Bring the tip of your thumb and index finger together to form an “O,” pictured here. This mudra is effective in cases of mental ailment, helps you to feel happy, increases memory & intellect, calms the mind.
Apaan mudra. Helps clear the body of waste from ears, nose, eyes, mouth. Helps when urine is obstructed and helps with constipation. Join the tip of the thumb with the tip of the middle and ring finger, keeping the other fingers straight.
A mantra is a repeated phrase, as an object of concentration, done either silently or out loud. For beginners I recommend a mantra as it helps give the mind something to do. It will also help to deepen your meditation. I have provided a list of possible mantras for you. Choose something you feel comfortable with. Each mantra will do something different for you. A mantra can be healing in itself. Begin doing the mantra out loud and then go inward repeating it silently, slowly. As time goes on, you might want to go to Pandora and listen to some Deva Premal mantras or Satnam Kaur. Their music and mantras are beautiful. Playing in the background all day long will help your home feel more calm, peaceful and raise the vibrational energy of your cats and dogs at the same time!
I am love.
I love me.
I am the light of The Divine, inside me.
Wahe Guru. (elevates the spirit)
Meditation prior to having sex can elevate your experience to be one that is more than merely physical. Look each other in the eyes, prior to beginning to meditate and then meditate together for just 10 minutes if you can stand it. I would love to hear your experiences. I have provided my Divine Presence Process Meditation for those of you who want a deeper experience and a blessing at the end. I do hope you enjoy a deeper, more connected experience with meditation and being completely present with your partner. Much Love, Jennifer