Sex is wonderful. Doing the horizontal mambo can be enjoyable, restorative and invigorating, with someone who loves and appreciates us. Even having recreational sex can be fun, when we KNOW that is all it is. The flip side is when we aren’t sure. Being used for sex can leave one of us feeling shamed, guilt ridden, empty or used. Women have been at men’s beck and call for eons.
Today is no different. Men want sex, and most women want connection and relationships. Because of the way women are wired, we often see situations through a mirky haze of fantasy or emotional data, rather than truth. Our emotions kick into overdrive after having sex with a guy. Oxytocin is released when we have sex, which causes women to bond with a baby, or the guy in her bed. We trust sometimes when we shouldn’t.
Women fantasize about having a guy’s babies when that is the last thing on the guy’s mind. Guys are wired to spray and pray. It is in a man’s DNA. Procreation is the name of the game. As many women as his little sperm can impregnate. Until a man is ready to settle down, his focus is catch and release. Getting our headlights screwed on straight allows us to see through the haze of fantasy, recognizing what we really have is a booty speed dial. Or maybe booty speed text (a TOOTY). Whatever the case here are ways to tell if you are destined for a real relationship, an STD, or an emotional downhill spiral.
Your only connection outside the bedroom is through text, then you are a TOOTY. A guy who is interested in you for something other than your warmest, wettest parts will call you. He will get to know you. He will spend time with you outside of the bedroom. He will be interested in meeting your friends and family. A booty tooty will only be interested in spending time alone with your booty! When you mention going out, his go-to phrase is, “I would rather be alone with you baby!” We incorrectly take this to mean he cares. This guy couldn’t care less.
The only time he calls or texts is after 9:00 PM. Ignore his text, reply in the morning.His voice is warm and sultry and sexy, “What cha doing?” C’mon over baby!” and you do. If you respond once to this call, you are off the rails. A relationship will never happen. Get a hobby! Phone a friend! Take up painting. Take your mind off him. Turn off your phone at 9:00 if you are tempted.
You are never seen in public together. The only activities you have with this guy are “X-rated.” You cozy up on a couch, in the back seat of a car or in the sack. He never has taken you out for breakfast, dinner or a real date. Block him. Send him packing. He is not your guy. Guys can tell if we have self respect up front. We are the ones who set the tone for what we want. If he feels you are a pushover, you will find yourself bending over a couch on your first date. You deserve more. Recognize your self worth. No one will respect you, if you don’t respect yourself.
On again off again. Yes, the patterns in the bedroom also repeat outside. If you only hear from him every two to three weeks, you are the stand-in booty. This is like playing second string for a basketball team. You are benched until he hits a wall, then you hear from him.
You’re Hot! The only kind of talk you get from him is dirty talk and the most emotion you get from him is when he is coming. He rarely uses your name, calling you Boo, Babe, or some other pet name. You are being played with a player and this is a booty call. If your only conversation is about sex, referring to sex or when you are going to have sex, you are a shoe-in booty call. You are the sure thing. Buy yourself a vibrator and wait till you are strong enough to say, “Hell No!”
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is an author, inspirational speaker, sex educator and coach. You can check out her website here: