Today, the New York Times printed an article about people with a low level of sexual interest or ISD. Inhibited sexual desire is what scientists are calling low libido. This could occur in someone who previously had a higher level of sexual interest and now does not, or in someone who has never had much interest in sex.
The person with ISD might be interested in sex with another person, but not their partner. Boredom, lack of sexual attraction, could all figure into the equation. Unless we have the back story we don’t know. What I do know is that distaste for sex with a partner can occur when the partner is demanding of sex, too frequently for the other. Or, if one partner is afraid of the other. Fear figures prominently into the ability to become aroused by your partner. If you don’t trust, or are afraid that your partner might hurt you, you could very easily lose interest in sex.
The point is that everyone is different. If your partner does not know how to arouse you, or pleasure you in a way that raises your sexual energy enough to receive pleasure, you might lose interest. It also happens with partners that have been together for years, where it feels more like they are siblings than lovers. If a woman is not being brought to orgasm frequently, she may decide sex is not worth it to her. When there is no culmination of the sexual experience for her, she will be less likely to want to pursue subsequent encounters. In other words, more orgasmic experiences, more sex.
Some people, I have found do not like sex at all. It does not matter who the person is. A woman in the UK remarked on one of my articles that although she loves her husband of over 30 years, she has never been molested or abused, but does not like sex – at all. She finds it distasteful.
What Sprout Pharmaceuticals was trying to do was categorize low interest as an illness. Their new drug, Flibanserin, has been tested on a group of women, initially for depression. They discovered that it helped women have an increase in sexual desire instead. However there are side-effects that are negative. The FDA has not approved the drug. Sprout has been trying to get a Flibanserin approved for what they consider an illness. There is still some dispute as to whether it is or not. Men feel desire then arousal. Many women feel nothing. No desire until their partner begins to arouse them and then they feel desire. A follow-up article was written in the New York Times, entitled, There Is Nothing Wrong With Your Sex Drive.
My sense is that women lose interest in sex as they get older, have children or are stressed. This is natural and normal for women. Men however, can have sex when stressed, sex when the baby is crying and there are guest in the house. Men and women are wired differently. Just because women do not get aroused as men do, feeling desire first, then arousal, does not mean there is anything wrong with the woman.
From the women that I work with, interest in sex is dependent on their partners personalities and how the two relate to each other, as much as libido. The better a couple can relate outside the bedroom, the better their sexual experiences are inside the bedroom. Intimacy can increase with more frequent sexual encounters and an open mind. It is never too late and you are never too old. The more frequently a woman has sex, the more regulated her hormones become. Diet, age, health, fitness and body image are all parts of feeling sexy and attractive. Having a partner who appreciates you and the way you look, creates a better sex positive mind-set. The key is to tell your woman how much you love her, how beautiful she is, and how much you desire HER, rather than just wanting to use her as a receptacle. Women can tell the difference. It is
not a good feeling to just be a port in the storm. It is far more uplifting and positive an experience when your partner wants YOU, rather than anybody to fulfill their need to release pressure.
If a woman’s partner rarely or never tells her she is beautiful, lovely or attractive, she will be less interested in sex with her partner. The more lovely, attractive she feels, the higher her interest in sex becomes. Praise, appreciation and genuine connection make sex great.
It has been my experience that women in their 40’s and beyond, who have a healthy self esteem have more frequent sexual experiences. When a woman does not feel positive and accepting of herself, she is less likely to want to engage in sexual encounters. The flip side is that when younger women have low self esteem they may engage in frequent sex, looking for love.
Sex can be confused with love. Yet sex can happen in the absence of love. Love can be experienced without sex. The two can be mutually exclusive. As a Master Gardener and landscaper, who previously created beautiful landscapes Jennifer has since moved on to helping others with self love, weeding from the inside-out. Her experience has shown the benefits of changing inner paradigms for greater love
and outer abundance. She draws on the insights that she has gained in her journey and personal healing, coach and as an intuitive consultant. Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of the books, Odyssey Victim to Victory: An autobiographical account of Jennifer’s healing journey and awakening. Odyssey details her journey from trauma and abuse into unconditional love, and: Orgasm For Life a unabashed guide to experiencing unbridled BLISS and joy. She is also a hypnotherapist, inspirational speaker, radio host, Trainer, Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner and Master Energy Healer. She has worked with thousands of men and women since 1998. Her new radio show, ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE, airs in March on BBM GLOBAL Network, TuneIn and Roku Box. Visit her website here: JenniferElizabethMasters.com