What is normal for one person, isn’t normal for another. What I have found is that when there is a will there is a way. Attitude however, can block us from living a life outside the “normal” limits that society teaches us it “should” be.
What I have learned is that most women have an attitude later in life that is closed, rather than open. Shut down instead of willing. Bitchy rather than loving. I feel it is time to change the crone days into Goddess days. I never liked the name crone anyway.
As we age, we become wiser. We may become happier with who we are. We have learned a lot during the process of life. Sometimes we have to be hit over the head to recognize the lesson, but eventually we learn. What we have to do however, is not become jaded from what we have learned. We often become men haters, because of the past. We forget that our men have loving hearts too (when they are loved also). We give and we get. It is the flow of life. When we don’t give. Not only do we age and become hardened, we also miss out on the beauty of living in the moment and saying “HELL YES!” to the Universe. Hand holding can be a bridge to opening the door to something more a little later on. Start small. Take baby steps if you have not been having regular sex.
Age is just a number. I don’t abide by any rules that have been previously set down by any society about what age means. I don’t feel old, hard or set in my ways. I am always open to learning new things…. well most of the time, if you use your sense of humor and kindness. I prefer to be asked nicely, rather than dominated or
nagged into doing something. Cajole me, love me, praise me, humor me and I am putty in your hands. But tell me what to do, and I will resist and fight like a wild banshee! I feel most people would agree that they would rather be treated with respect and an adult, than nagged like a child.
Sex After Menopause
I have spoken to hundreds of men whose wives have been going through menopause. These men for the most part say they are living in sexless marriages. I am sorry for those men. They feel unloved. They want sex. They want body contact. I was talking to a man last night at Costco, in fact who said he had another 8 years
before he thought his wife MIGHT allow him to have sex with her again. Of course he commented that I would work for him, in the meantime. I am not interested in meddling in someone else’s marriage. Been there done that and my t-shirt was given away to Goodwill over 30 years ago. Never again. Remember cuddling can provide an avenue for so much more. Just don’t expect anything. Be patient. Be loving and caring.
The loss of libido is a natural part of menopause. It can begin in peri-menopause and shift when the process of menopause is complete. Some women have a slight drop and others a total lack of interest. Women are not motivated like men are in sex anyway. To have a loss of libido for some women is not a problem. They don’t miss it. Others do. To have no sex drive at all after experiencing a healthy sex drive can be a real challenge. There are all sorts of ways to combat this issue naturally.
The hormones estrogen and androgen (female testosterone) drop dramatically. This shift in hormone levels changes everything from the brain to the vagina. Even breast tissue changes. Many women are so disinterested in sex, that seeking assistance to shift their libido does not enter into their consciousness. Talking about this issue together is necessary. Menopause affects the relationship, not just the woman.
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Exercise Is A Must! Regular exercise can help prevent the aging process, cancer and reduce stress. There are so many reasons to continue to move and stay active. Your health and happiness depend on it. Get out and walk 40 minutes three times a week, at the very least. You will feel
You’d rather look at him, wouldn’t you?
better, sleep better and look younger. My mother is 92 and still active. She never stopped walking, moving and communing with others. Reading keeps the brain active. Don’t forget to exercise your brain too. We are never too old to learn and grow, it will keep you alive and thriving.
Atrophy is A Real Thing
If we don’t continue to exercise our vagina, internally, it will shrivel up and die. It will shrink, the tissue will become so overly tender that the only thing that will shift it is estrogen. There are many ways to get estrogen. The safer way is to continue having consistent sex. Keeping the hormones level. If you stop having sex in the hopes that one day, things will get better, your husband will be looking for a massage therapist who gives happy endings. You think I am kidding? I am not!
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Getting Turned On
Speaking from experience, we need to be turned on with a gentle experienced tongue. Brought to orgasm this way gently. Sometimes, penile penetration is just too painful. For the men in the crowd, let me explain what I am talking about:
Envision your penis feeling like it is being seared with a blowtorch. Then envision someone cutting through the skin on your now scorching hot, painful penis with a serrated knife. That is what penile penetration feels like when there is no estrogen present and the vagina has atrophied. It is beyond the pain of having a baby painful. Painful sex is not like what you have seen in 50 Shades of Porn. Believe me when I tell you, there is NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING that is appealing about having your vagina torched with a red hot blow torch and then cut with a knife. So tell me, what compassion can you give your wife? How can you see getting beyond this very sticky and painful place of no-no- hell-no sex?
Read My Book That’s How
Orgasm For Life has the power to turn on a 92 year old widow! Oh yes, it did! It will turn on Hugh Hefner without Cialis, or Viagra! It will turn on a postmenopausal woman with no sex drive at all. I have women tell me all the time, “I stopped reading it because I was so turned on and I don’t have a partner!” My response is masturbate! Enjoy the ride!
Getting turned on is one of the missing components in being post menopausal. It doesn’t mean you are dead! Many people continue having regular sex well into their 70’s and beyond. Where there is a will, there is a way! You can still have and enjoy sex. It just may take a few tries some coconut oil, taking maca powder or other sexual plant-based stimulants, that are completely safe. Visit your health store and check out the natural products that can increase lubrication and hormone levels naturally.
If you don’t use it, you lose it. Regular sex, each week, is better for your body and hormones than attempting to wait two or three months between sex sessions. Your hormone levels will drop too much, because your brain will say, “Well that chapter has closed! We don’t need those hormones anymore!”
For Men Only
Perimenopausal and Postmenopausal women may suffer from (but not necessarily) depression, sadness because they can’t have babies anymore, then they realize “YAY I can’t have a baby anymore! I don’t have periods anymore! I have freedom from the threat of getting pregnant!” Crazy? No not really. We get a little jazzed after we realize that we really didn’t want another baby anyway. The knowing that it is no longer possible can create some sadness at first.
Think about it this way; if you had been having a regular friend come by each month, that made you realize you are a woman, different from men in this wonderful way, that you could create and carry a life in your lovely body, then after 45 or 50 years of having that monthly visitor, you no longer had it, how would you feel? A little crazed, dazed and confused. Yes, that about describes menopause. It is a huge life change. It makes us older women. It makes us – crones….. ew! We may be wise, just don’t call us OLD!
We still need to be told we are lovely, attractive and sexy. Maybe even more so now, because we don’t get the wolf calls and whistles like we used to, unless the parking lot at Costco is incredibly dark, like it was just last night! What was he thinking? He was old enough to be my middle son!
When It Comes To Sex
Be like Monty Python: Now for something completely different!
Sex after menopause can be oral, or just a massage and a hand job. Get creative. Maybe sex can be mutual massage and manual masturbation for you both. Think outside the BOX! It does not have to include penetration. Remember, your woman has a tender vagina. It is not as young and stretchy as it once was. The skin might tear much more easily. Once it does, sex is excruciating. Pushing through a tear is like having sex with one testicle in a vice grip. Would you want to? No you wouldn’t. So be nice. Be kind and most of all be sensitive to her needs. Passion can still arise, it just might look a little different. Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach. She helps women find the love they know they deserve, but can’t find on their own. She teaches what she has learned and worked for herself. Self love is the cornerstone for a happy and passionate life and love life. She is very good at what she does. Here are what her clients say:
“I owe it all to Jennifer. I am in a happy, committed relationship that is exactly what I ordered. It would never have been possible without Jennifer’s help.” M, LA “Jennifer got me like no one else ever has. She listened, supported and guided me. I could not have gotten to this happy place without her loving support.” C.A. Check out her website and praise page for more testimonials here.