Addictions can be as simple as being addicted to caffeine. You might need to have your cup of java to get yourself moving in the morning. You don’t beat yourself up over it, you just do it. The problem with sex addiction is that most addicts beat themselves literally and figuratively over it.
All addictions come from the same source. Not knowing who you are, and a lack of loving the self. Self love, self care and nurturing are all loving caring acts. When we don’t love ourselves, we often act out our suffering on others. We often lash out, destroy the love given or refuse or reject it without even knowing. Addicts often think they are being loving while giving “selflessly” to others. The problem is that this giving is coming from an empty place, in order to RECEIVE something in return. We are often instead met with, “I didn’t ask for you to do this!”
The bottom line is that all humans have addictions to something at some time in their life. Most people reel over this revelation, but it is true. Codependency is an addiction. We were all born with codependency. Every baby on this planet is dependent upon their mothers to care for, love and nurture them. When these basic needs are
addicted from birth?
not met, WHAMO! We have a void inside us that can’t be filled. We search for love, often through sex. We crave success, wealth, fame, relationships, and sex to fill the hole that is seemingly bottomless. This whole has to be filled by us first. We have to give love to ourselves.
It is a Universal Law of The Universe. The Law of Reciprocity. You have to give to receive. You have to give love to you first. When we don’t we attract others who have deep holed that they need to have filled. When two people feel unworthy and unlovable, the relationship can’t succeed without tremendous effort. Often both parties have their own addictions.
Don’t feel bad. You are in very good company. Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen, David Duchovny, Michael Douglas, Bill Clinton and the list goes on. To get to the point, following this guide will get this party started in a good and healthy way. Below are positive steps you can begin right now to help you begin your recovery. Why do you want to
David Duchovny, where life meets art. He played a sex addict and became one.
recover? Because you feel broken. You feel that a need just can’t be filled. As soon as you climax, you want to do it again. You are reaching for your joy stick instead of dealing with the source of the issue.
In hypnotherapy, we call the source of the issue the root cause. It can also be called an emotional trigger. Men masturbate to fill a void. Masturbation shifts your emotional state. It lifts you temporarily. You feel a rising feeling, and a blissful state. The truth is that what you are missing is the love of yourself and a spiritual connection. For those of you who don’t believe in God, The Divine or a Higher Power, perhaps you can beleive in The Universe. The Collective Consciousness perhaps?
I have worked with hundreds of people on issues of addiction. I have helped women heal codependency so that they can go on to attract positive, loving and balanced relationships. Happiness is one of the side effects of working with me. Women come to me with depresssion, anxiety and end up being so much happier as a result of the tools I give them that work – everyday!
Women more than men seem to be driven towards healing codependency. Perhaps because more women seem to have an inate spirituality. Men are trouble shooters. They solve problems with logic. Sprituality does not involve logic.
Men though, like the fact that they jerk off to “relieve pressure.” It is a rare man that says, “I really want to heal this so I can be in a healthy relationship. I get it. I was in denial that I had a real problem. Sometimes, it takes a divorce, a DUI, or family intervention to help the addict recognize that there is an alcohol or drug addiction. Most couples don’t talk about a sex addiction. It is too private a matter.
Your Mission Should You Choose To Accept It
This is what you need to do to begin to heal. If you masturbate 3 times a day. Cut back to once or twice instead. Each time you want to reach for your joy stick, reach for a pen and paper instead. Granted you might not have quite as much fun with the journaling, but you will find out what the source of your pain is. Addiction comes from feeling unloved, unlovable and unworthy of love. Self rejection is the underlying behavior. You have been running away from yourself by masturbating. Watch little boys. When they feel uneasy, they squeeze their penis to give themselves a little boost. It is like a mood altering drug. The little penis drug.
Write down the feelings bubbling up when you have the urge to masturbate. I know guys don’t want to FEEL. But the bottom line is that the underlying reason you feel empty is the reason you are reaching for your joystick. Each time you masturbate you are trying to change the way you FEEL inside. It has nothing to do with sexual arousal. You just THINK it does.
Feel the emotion you are feeling fully. Don’t run away by masturbating.
Shift Your Focus
Focus on You for a change. Look inside and get to know who you are. Answer these questions in your journal. Without internal focus, you are living outside of your body. Take a step inside you. If you need a little help getting there, put your dominant hand on the center of your chest, the heart chakra. Breathe in five times, exhaling slowly. This will help center you and bring you into your heart-mind, rather than your ego when you answer these questions.
Who are you? Where did you come from? (this one usually stumps people. Answer: _Child of God. God. This does not mean you have to start attending church. However, the spiritual part is a large part of healing you. Denying who you are has gotten you into this state.
What do you love about you? List 10 things.
What do you love to do? List 10 things.
What are you passionate about? List at least 3 things that you are very passionate about. Are you doing any of these things regularly? Are you doing them at all, ever? This passion will become your soul purpose. How you give back. Being in service to humanity on some level is a necessary part of healing. For me, I serve by helping people live happier, connected lives in love and with passion.
Soften your focus. Instead of beating yourself up with thoughts and words, be gentle and kind to yourself. The more loving and accepting you can be of your flaws and faults the higher your emotional fulfillment becomes. Instead of emptying your emotional gas tank you begin to fill it yourself with positive thoughts and feelings.
I like to use mantras in the background of my mind. I recommend you do it for two weeks before you say, “Oh that doesn’t work for me.” Don’t knock it till you have tried it. Mantras change your negative unconscious beliefs from running amok, to congruent longer and slower brain waves, that feel good. Begin with something simple like, “I am the light of the Divine inside me.” If that doesn’t work for you, how about, “I LOVE ME?”
Turn off your television. Stop watching the news and reading the newspaper. Okay, you don’t have to, but you will see that a lot of your angst and suffering comes from media. I have not watched the news or read a newspaper in 20 years. It does not mean I am a PollyAnna. I don’t tap into the fear-based media, or the mass consciousness of fear. If you wonder how I live a happy life every day – it is by being in the world but not OF it.
Healing The Family Of Origin
Not many people have wonderful childhoods. However, you don’t have to continue feeling like a victim and hating on those who have hurt you. Instead the work with me, heals that past. I have loving ways to change patterns that were born from trauma, abuse, neglect, or abandonment.
Believe me I understand all the reasons that make it so difficult to forgive the people who have hurt you. You don’t need to have a written or spoken apology to let go and heal the past. Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. It unburdens you. It heals you. Forgiveness is a letting go.
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Letting Go You can’t have permanent healing without letting go of all fear-based mental constructs. Control, manipulation, jealousy are all fear-based mental constructs. Letting go is a release and surrender. Remember that doing the same thing over and over is the definition of insanity. Surrender is a much brighter path to your tomorrow.
What People Say About Jennifer
Jennifer coached me from a place of darkness, despair and depression. After a several horrible codependent relationships and a nastry breakup, I felt lost and thought I needed a relationship to feel whole. Jennifer guided me to wait to date. I followed her advice. I now am in a loving, supportive relationship instead of one that was debilitating and abusive. CM Los Angeles
Jennifer Masters has remotely cleared several members of my family. One case in particular has been both subtle and profound in the positive changes that have occurred. I am grateful for her power and dedication.JLI, Denver
Jennifer saved our marriage! With her loving, compassionate coaching, we are now able to communicate with one another in loving ways on every imaginable level~ So grateful! G and SS
Contact Jennifer for your self discovery session to find out how she works and whether her work is a fit for you. Doing the assigned home work is part of the process. Each week lifts your vibration higher and higher. By the third week, you already feel better, happier and less depressed and much less anxious.