Get Connected and Be A Better Lover

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

I work with men and women. I talk about our differences in wiring in my book and here on my blog. The biggest difference I see is in the macho men. Let’s look into the mind of the macho man. The macho man thinks he knows everything. He feels and thinks he has it going on. The macho man doesn’t think he

Randy Savage wrestler

could improve, or learn, because he already knows it all. His first reaction to my book, “I don’t need that I know what I am doing.” This guy is the very one that needs to read my book. His wife or girlfriend is the one not coming. He is not in his heart, he resides in his little self or ego. 

In my book, Orgasm For Life, I talk about a woman married to a macho man for 35 years. She thinks she might have had one orgasm. One orgasm in 35 years! She isn’t sure, because she had nothing to compare it to. When she told him she wasn’t having orgasms, what did her macho man do? He beat her. He yelled at her. In his mind he had it going on. The truth destroyed him and he had to pound his anger out on his wife. It was not her fault. He kept doing things the same way over and over and thought in his mind – he was right. 


The ego is not the true self. It is the false self. Usually, people who appear to have a large ego have low self esteem. The big ego is a cover up for how they truly feel about themselves. It is okay, I have been there. But acting like you have it going on – all the time, can leave your partner wanting. So let go of that false self and let me help you be a better lover. A good lover always knows there is room for improvement. A good lover is always looking for deeper connection, processes and higher levels of pleasure. A great lover is someone who is connected to their own heart.

Right below, are some practises that will help you connect with yourself and get out of your mind. We want the heart-mind to work together. When you use phrases like, “I have to FIGURE THIS OUT,” you are in your ego-mind not your heart. 
  1. Connect to your HEART. Close your eyes. Place your dominant hand flat on the upper part of your chest so that when you dip your chin down, it touches your hand. Now breathe into the space your heart is, slowly and completely. Exhale slowly. Breathe in again 4 more times, exhaling slowly. After doing this slowly for 5 times ask yourself how do I feel? Do I feel safe? Do I feel connected? This is where you want to be when you make love to your woman, not in the “I know what I am doing,” place. Ask her what she needs. Ask her what she would like. Listen to her. Listen without an agenda. Don’t judge what she says, or comment, except to say “Okay, I can do that.”
  2. Shake it all up! There is a meditation that OSHO taught. You play music that gets you to move and you shake. Shake your whole body. Keep shaking your arms, your legs, your feet, your head. Shake everything. Don’t worry about feeling silly. Sometimes silly is a good thing. Remember you are getting out of your mind. This shaking will help you connect with YOU. Your true self. Which is where you want to be when you begin to give her a loving gentle massage.
  3. Gentle Touch. Do something different. Touch without touching. WHAT? Offer your lady a massage. Rub your hands together until they are really warm. Hover your hands above her body, without touching. You will feel the heat of her body, she will feel the heat of your hands. This is an amazing way to tap into a higher energy of love making. We do things the same

    way all the time. Try something completely different. A surprising outcome may be such a wonderful response in return. Promise to not touch her genitals until or unless she wants you to. At which time, you will ask, “May I touch you here?” Asking gives a reverence and respect to your woman. It will help her to feel amazing, safe and relax into pleasure. How about giving her an orgasm first. Or maybe JUST the massage. Leave her wanting more. 

The truth about being a great lover is getting out of your head and into your heart. A connection is something that comes from tapping into our hearts. We feel connected to each other through our hearts – then our body connection is so much more profound. Remember, my story about my guy from 40 years ago? I am still thinking of

Heart connected sex is the way to her heart

him because even after all these 40 years, we still have a connection. A connection can’t be replaced by sexual prowess. It is not a technique. As a matter of fact, sensuality is not technique. It is fluid, motion, feeling into each breath, each kiss, each touch. It is not about rushing to the end result and being done. It involves a higher love. One that will buoy you up and keep you awake at night you feel so high! That is what you want. That is what she wants. Give her your heart, your body will follow.

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach. She empowers men and women to become heart-centered, passionate and happy. She has healed her own codependency, and sexual issues to help others heal theirs. With a compassionate heart and intuitive mind, she is connected, dialed into the truth of who you are. She helps you find you. The real you, that is so utterly amazing! E-mail her now for your discovery session to see if her work fits your intention for growth and happiness. 
Feel her skin, smell her scent. Feel the warmth of her body, but don’t just plough her. Wait till she asks for it. Slow down. Give to her first. Remember ladies come first, last and always!

Much Love,

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