Events in our lives help us to unravel unanswered questions. After being on a healing path for over 30 years, I recently experienced a rift in my personal universe. I knew there were parts of my childhood that I did not remember for a reason. Our denial of events is our soul’s way of allowing us to heal and become grounded enough to be able to hear the whole truth.
When Bonnie Groessl recently interviewed me on her radio show, Holistic Entrepreneur, she asked me how I became a love and passion coach. It was an interesting question which created ripples out into the universe for you, my readers. My hope is that my story will help others heal their lives. When we let got of judgment as to why a deeper understanding of ourselves emerges.
There was a time when I felt bat-shit crazy. I was overly emotional. My relationships were tremendously challenging. I overreacted to the slightest of comments. I had hidden rage that bubbled up from
nowhere. I was overly concerned about others liking and accepting me. I was depressed for over 20 years. Insomnia plagued me during that 20 year period. I worried, obsessed and was fearful. I sought validation outside of myself. I had affairs, was promiscuous and constantly had to have a man in my life to feel whole. Criticism would throw me into a tizzy. I had difficulty letting things go. I hung on with a vengeance. I kept score. I was a victim. That was then.
Shifting Your Perspective
Through deep introspection, I began to take responsibility for my actions. I became aware of my intense emotionality and reactivity. I began to recognize that I blamed everyone for where I was. I dug deep, looking for answers to my slew of health issues through Louise Hay (You Can Heal Your Life), Bach and Bach (Prescription for Healing) and a thousand other self-help books. I saw a hypnotherapist, then took his course and became certified in that modality because I saw how it helped me. I went to an energy healer and became certified in Spiritual Response Therapy because I saw how that helped me. It was my trip to Bali, in 2010, to study the Akashic Records that shattered my reality.
After learning how to channel The Ascended Masters, I spent a day on my little front porch, facing the Indian Ocean, while my classmates toured the island of Bali. I opened my Akashic Records and asked questions about myself, my family and my life. I wrote all day. My disbelief of what flowed through me was met with horror. It couldn’t be! I was shown visions of what happened when I was barely a toddler. Even with this, I couldn’t believe it. I continued to be in denial of the truth until my daughter came to me when I visited her in Colorado a week ago. She confirmed what came through me. My father molested me, made me perform oral sex on him when I was barely old enough to stand up in my playpen. After years of personal healing, letting go and surrender, my angst was more about my children than it was for me. What deeply affected me was what my mother did.
I had three psychics tell me that my father molested me. Because I had no memory of it, I was sure that they were all wrong! I knew who my perpetrator was; it was not my father! My brother would not tell me who molested him. Molesters have always been groomed by someone else. Molesters molest because they were first molested by someone else.
The Shocking Truth
My daughter who was not yet 19, bravely told me that she was a sex addict. She explained to me what had occurred for her in recent months. The fact that she was born awake remembered her past lives and other families, helped her to recognize what was happening with herself. She was self-aware.
An earlier possession (removal of dark energy) that I helped her with highlighted questions in her mind. She asked, when did she get this dark energy? While she was doing a spiritual bath to release this energy, my daughter was cognizant enough to ask questions. She was given answers that shattered her beautiful
world. She had been molested between the ages of 5 and 8. She could not remember. So she began to dig deep. She asked me who could it have been? We both wracked our brains. She even wondered if it was me? There had been a one-time event with her father; it was only a look, no touching – which led to her living with me full time.
To protect my daughter’s privacy, I will tell you this; through a walking back in time, we found the one event, where I left her for a few hours with the very person I did not realize was a molester. She was given an ice cream float and fell dead asleep half-way through it. A 6-year-old child with a sweet tooth, would never fall asleep with ice cream in front of her. We deduced that was when it occurred.
I was hyper vigilant as a mother with all of my children. I protected them and never left any of them alone with my brother or babysitters unless I was certain of their background. I knew that as far back as I could go, there was molestation on both sides of my family. I did not know about my father until recently. It was what brought my parents together. They vibrated at the same rate – low. They were both dysfunctional with addictions of their own. I had no idea who my parents were. My remembrance of my father was idyllic in some ways. We often canonize the dead when they are gone. He has been gone now for 26 years. I have let this go.
My Denial of The Truth
The part I was unaware of was that my father was molested by his father. He became a child molester as well. He was careful to stop before the ones he chose were three years of age. He knew that we would not remember. He even made a comment at the dinner table when I was a teenager. It did not dawn on me at that time that he was looking to see my reaction, did I remember? It went right over my head.
I was in denial of my parents as child molesters. When my firstborn son was under the age of two, my husband and I felt we needed a vacation without him. It was what 30-something parents did; get away from their children. It was a vacation of regret. During our week of fun in the sun, our son was being tortured in ways we will never know. Upon our return, I found him with a fever of 103, crying inconsolably with a raging ear infection. When I demanded
of my mother why she didn’t take him to the doctor, she just shrugged, like it was no big deal. She wouldn’t even divulge how long he had been like this. It was a side of her I had never seen before – consciously. She was cruel and heartless when it came to babies. She didn’t like children. I was in horror. How many people are there like this on the planet? Millions of children are molested every day. It was why my children were never in day care.
People who are molested are always imprinted with a very dark energy. Sometimes, there are several of these dark energies. If the person is not evolved, these energies take over, running the show. Think back to Amity Ville Horror. This energy is very difficult to get rid of. I had three of these types of energies on me, which I had to remove. These dark energies often masquerade as other things. The dark energies can cause sex addiction, alcoholism, and other addictive behaviors. People with dark energies are often termed bipolar or schizophrenic.
What is strange is that as soon as I had gone through this transformation, people began to flock to me to have the same done for them. How did they know?
The Result Is Sex Addiction
Studies have shown that 82% of people who were molested become sex addicts. My sense is that the other 18% were under the age of 3, but don’t remember the event. Sex addiction has the root in a lack of self-love. It is understandable that someone who has been molested is riddled with low vibrational feelings of guilt, shame and self-loathing. They feel somehow that they are to blame. They feel broken. I have seen thousands of people with shattered souls – soul fragments that break off like shards of glass. This shattering causes the soul to feel broken, rather than whole. It is part of the healing work I do, restoring the soul fragments to their highest energy and rightful place, within the soul.
What Is Sex Addiction?
Sex addiction is the obsession with sex. It is a physical need to have sex that takes over your life, your thoughts and often ruins marriages, relationships, and families. It can include, but is not limited to masturbation, pornography, and fetishes. Sex is the driving force in someone’s life when they are a sex addict. The need for sex is a need for love that is never found. As emotions begin to bubble up from the past unremembered (or remembered events), sex is used to push those feelings of emptiness back down. The urge for sex is a search for love, that never comes through sex alone. When molestation occurs, it is usually by a trusted loved one. Confusion occurs. A search for love through sex is what ensues.
My Personal Experience
When I was a sex addict, I felt restless. I had to have a partner. If I didn’t have one, I would go to nightclubs and look for someone. I was a serial monogamist. Jumping from one relationship into another. I always had to have a guy. It is the reason I was married four times. I continued to feel like a victim into my early 40’s. My healing began when I was 32 when I told my family about my abuse. It was like coming out of the closet. Secrets eat away at the soul and need to come out. Even if you tell your healer – you have to tell someone.
To this day, my mother treats me as if I am the perpetrator, rather than the innocent victim. She was jealous, mean, cruel and hateful to me growing up. I did not feel loved by her. With my daughter’s help, we re-traced the children she molested by noticing who she hated most. Strange the ones she molested, she then hated. There are some things I will never divulge or discuss with my family members because they will not believe me. My daughter and I know the truth. That is all that matters. I have done my healing work; it is not my responsibility to make others heal or face their inner demons.
I recently had a strong conversation with her about the truth. I no longer feel like a victim, it is why I wear a ring on my right hand – VICTORY. It is why I wrote the book, Odyssey Victim To Victory. It is my journey from darkness into the light.
Love Is The Answer
You have heard it before. Love is the answer. Love heals everything. Yes, it does, but you have to know how. Just saying that you love yourself is not enough. Your unconscious mind needs to be reprogrammed. The past is lovingly released. Which is where I come in. I did it for myself, and I can do it for you. I teach you how
to begin to soften your gaze and recognize your light, purpose and Divinity. Self-love pulls you out of the dark. When you love and accept ALL of you, no matter whether they are faults, foibles or issues, happiness is the result. It does not mean you are perfect. It does not mean you walk on water, but you have traversed the fire walk of life!
Healing Changes Everything
There are layers that need to be traversed and healed first. Spiritual re-parenting is done which changes the thought process in the mind. Mantras, meditation, and deep energy healing shifts your energy and re-boots your operating system. It is like a system re-set on a computer. It does not happen instantaneously, for some, it can take between six and ten months. When you think of it this way, how much does one divorce cost today? How about two, or three? What about the pain and suffering you live through every day? Through this healing, loving relationships are made not only possible but probable. When you completely love and accept yourself, you become a beacon of love and light which attracts a loving person to you.
Often women molested in childhood have the (fight, fright or freeze) fear frozen in the cell walls of their vagina. I did. Vaginal orgasms can be next to impossible. 40% of women have difficulty having orgasms. It is my belief that molestation plays a large part in the frozen G-spot as well as challenges with an orgasmic response for many. Sex can be pleasurable, but until a sexual healing occurs, orgasms can be illusive. I have a chapter in my book, Orgasm For Life dedicated to walking you through this process with your partner.
Everything Happens For A Reason
Pain is a driving force that pushes people to heal. When the pain becomes too great, people want something to shift. They search for answers. It was like an incendiary bomb for me. I knew that I needed to heal to become happy with my life. When I did, it was as if the elevator went all the way to the top floor. All my lights were turned on. My soul purpose
was revealed. Through my story, others have hope. Through my healing, others get healed as well. We become the butterfly – the transformation itself.
Many of you don’t know this about me. I became a Georgia Master Gardener in 2000. I was the Lawn and Garden Manager at an Ace Hardware in Woodstock, Georgia. Shortly after that, in July os 2001, I opened For Heaven Scapes, Ltd. a landscaping design and installation company. I did everything from perennial gardens, sod, walkways, water features, rock walls and complete landscape installation and restoration. My company logo and business were all about transformation. Having this landscaping company was grounding and therapeutic for me. At the same time, I began doing hypnotherapy
on the side and then energy healing work. I continued to push and grow taking workshops, certification courses, like Train The Trainer
My family lovingly supported me in my business
Courses in NLP and Hypnotherapy. My book, Orgasm For Life was guided. Shifting into sex and passion was a natural transition for someone who loves sex, has healed addictions and codependency. I hope that you will read my books and discover your inner soul’s purpose on your road to healing. Be the butterfly and transform your world!
What I can promise you, is that when you lovingly accept all of you, your life begins to change. You become happier, filled with purpose and fulfilled, instead of empty. You recognize that you are light, rather than dark. You are not crazy. The depression and reactivity lift. The connection is what is left. Deep grounding and a realization that everything happens for a reason. Yours is that you have a higher calling on this planet. The world needs your light. The world needs you. There is no one else that has your gifts, your story or your life. If not now, when? E-mail Jennifer now to set up your discovery session to see if her work is a good fit for you.