Love and happiness are thought to go together. Many people believe that if they could just find someone that loved them they would be happy. I used to feel that way too. In fact, I felt that way so much that I was married and divorced four times! I didn’t love myself. Instead I looked for someone else to love me! The problem is that when we don’t love and accept ourselves, we are often resistant to love. We think we want it, but just as often we send it packing, by rejecting those who love us. We might not even feel loved by the other, because of our own resistance to love. We might further reject love by saying no in the bedroom, or withholding affection. When we don’t love ourselves, our first two centers are often totally blocked. We don’t feel safe, because we don’t trust ourselves.
Many people are still in search of one or the other. I am here to tell you after searching for love over and over again, that happiness within, outweighs relational love every time, because our lives get better, we become happier, peace filled and full of joy! When we don’t love and accept ourselves, our relationships are wrought with issues, challenges and conflict until we love ourselves completely. We are out of balance, often overly emotional, or triggered by others. Our lives are often filled with chaos, conflict and strife. We struggle with the simplest of things. Once we lovingly accept ourselves, with all the warts, wrinkles and flaws, relationships become easy.
When we truly love and accept ourselves, we are happy just being. For me, I am happy whether I am with someone or alone. I am not looking for someone else to fill a void inside me, because there is no longer a void to fill. This is where real love abides. When we love ourselves above any other, love just shows up when we least expect it. When we are happy with ourselves and stop looking, love appears! I further posit that we can love anyone that we choose to love.
Once we are happy with ourselves, love just happens.
Each of us has a story. We were born. We all had a family of origin. Many of us had parents who were dysfunctional on some level, with inadequacies and issues of their own. They did the best they could with what they were given by their parents. Many of us feel that our parents didn’t love us enough or praise us enough, allowed us to experience trauma in some way. Everything that happens in our lives is created, to help us grow and evolve. Over the years, I have begun to see these experiences for the gift that they are, rather than the victimization of a child. We are all here on this earth for the same reason; to grow, evolve and become enlightened. Whether you are a believer in Divinty, Buddha, Mohamed, Jesus, or an altheist, we are all here for the same reason: PERSONAL GROWTH.
Life is a gift and it is best lived by being present with each moment. When we focus on the past, regretting what we did or didn’t do, we are stuck in the past. We can’t live in the present always looking over our shoulder with regret. Recognize that you had an experience. Be grateful for it and the lesson you learned. You can always improve. Whether it is becoming a better lover, a kinder more compassionate person, or letting go of the hurt, pain, suffering and emotions from the past will help you be happier in the now. The same thing is true about living in the future. If you constantly wonder when will you meet your love, or when will you be happy, you never will. Breathe. Breathe again. Come back to what is happening in this moment. When we live in the future, we miss the joy of what is happening RIGHT NOW!
2. Stop Critisizing Others
When we attempt to fix or change others it is because we are not happy with ourselves. If you critisize others it means you are critical of yourself. Drop the magnifying glass and the baseball bat. When we beat others up, we also beat ourselves up as well. When we focus on flaws, flaws are
all we see. We all have flaws and faults. We are human. When we expect others to be perfect, we also are striving for perfection within ourselves. Instead of looking at everyone’s flaws, focus on the good, everyone has good inside of them. Softening your perspective allowing you to be happy with you as you are, without having to lose 40 pounds or with the job you have now, with or without a partner, or with the partner you now have, will help you be happier. Many beleieve that happiness comes from some outside source. Happiness comes from you. It comes from you choosing it. Choosing to be happy with what you have. Happiness comes from self acceptance. Accept your children, lover, family and friends the way they are, rather than trying to make them BETTER, or trying to fix or change them. This is what life is all about. The more loving you are with yourself, the more loving and accepting you will be of others. The less you critisize others, the happier you will be with you.
3. Let Go Of Needing To Be Right – Stop The Fight!
If you are fighting with others, you are in conflict with yourself ~ internally. If you find yourself having arguments with everyone, you probably have some self righteous anger within you. Needing to be right comes from the ego self, rather than your heart-connected higher self. If you fight with your family members it is
because you have not resolved internal pain. You may be blaming others for the way you feel.
Love is not about winning, it is about compromise and acceptance. We can’t change anyone but ourselves. We can’t make someone else do anything. We certainly can’t change anyone but ourselves.
Happiness is not about being right or trying to fix the world, or have everyone join you in your opinion or beliefs. Once you give up having to be right all the time, you will find conflicts cease. When you stop fighting with yourself, you will find yourself better able to get along with anyone.
4. Forgive Everyone – And All Past Hurts and Let it GO!
I know many people that are continuing to tell their story of woe well into their 60’s and beyond. Everyone has had challenges. Everyone has experienced hurts, grief and strife. Your parents,
lovers, ex’s all did the best they could with what they were given and where they were at that time. Forgiving others sets you free. Hanging onto feelings of resentment or hatred for those who have wronged you only hurts you, not them. If you are estranged from your parents, siblings, children or ex’s and feel hatred or resentment for any of them, you have hatred and resentment for yourself. Forgive yourself. Forgive everyone else too. Do the Ho’oponopono Prayer for yourself first and then for everyone who you have hurt or have hurt you. You will feel greatly relieved.
- Are you happy in your life, marriage, relationships, work?
- What do you want for your life?
- What do you want for your family?
- What do you want in your love life?
- What do you want in a year from now?
- What are you passionate about?
- How do you want to serve humanity?
|The magic of being happy with you!
Happiness does not happen by waving a wand. We have to choose it. How do we do that? We begin thinking positive thoughts. We stop beating ourselves and others up. We stop looking for someone else to do it for us. We take responsibility for our own happiness and health.
If you aren’t happy with you, you won’t be happy with anything else either. So many of the women that I work with come to me right after a break-up because they are not happy. Many think that if they have a relationship they will be happy. This is something I can speak about from experience. I have been married four times. I used to look for love in others. I was wanting someone to make me happy. I thought when I got married I will surely be happy then! Not so. The reason is that everywhere we go, we show up as ourselves.
Until we are happy with us we won’t be happy with anyone else either. Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
7. Take Responsibility For Your Health – MOVE!
When you love yourself you take responsibility for your health. Getting exercise, eating healthy foods and feeling and releasing our emotions is all part of our personal responsibility. We can’t blame others for the way we feel, anymore than we can blame others for our poor health.
Humans were created to be mobile. We used to walk to gather nuts, berries, and the beasts that we hunted. Today most people sit at a computer for hours without moving. Our bodies are healthier when we move, walk or exercise. This does not mean you have to take up
running. Walking is good exercise. Swimming is excellent exercise. Walking in hip deep water can give you a good work out. When we sit without moving our joints become stiff, we begin to feel old. A lack of physical movement can cause constipation and other issues. Along with movement the food that we feed our body will either support us and keep us healthy, or create illness and obesity. The more we love ourselves, the better care we take of our body and health.
Our attitude about life effects everything. If we beleive we are getting old we will age faster than those who continue to think young. Aging gracefully does not mean you have to become old. That is a false premise. My mother is 94, although she doesn’t look like she is 40, she still reads 6 books a week, drives a car, lives alone, cooks for herself and is healthy. She used to exercise in front of her television with Jack LaLane for years. Only two years ago she received her Curves 100 t-shirt for attending 100 work-outs in a row. Moving will keep you young and vibrantly
healthy. Get a dog and walk your dog three times a day. My dogs keep me active and walking regularly even when I don’t want to, or the weather isn’t optimum.
Until I took responsibility for my own health and happiness, I did not become happy with me. Once I did, the relationship although nice to have was no longer my primary focus. I was totally happy with myself, no matter where I lived, no matter whether I was alone or in relationship. That is true happiness. It is not dependent on another, a place or a thing. Lasting happiness comes from you choosing it, every single day. Happiness is an attitude, a shift of perspective.
8. GRATITUDE AND THE LAW OF ATTRACTION
Gratitude is what fuels your creation. If you aren’t grateful for what you have now, nothing good will flow to you with ease. Gratitude opens our hearts. Gratitude puts us in the place of love, where manifestation becomes easy. Gratitude alone can raise your vibration faster than anything I know. When we feel sorry for ourselves, we are wallowing in self pity. Shift your attitude to gratitude and begin saying prayers of thanks for the smallest of things. If you are penniless, be grateful the ease and speed that money flows to you. If you don’t have your health, begin saying prayers of gratitude for your vibrant health and see how things shift for you. When we focus on being grateful amazing things happen. The Universe supports us, gratitude is the gift we give in return.
My personal experience with wallowing in self pity and focusing on what I didn’t have shifted almost immediately when I began to write in a journal every day. I began to script for my life. I wrote the things that I wanted as if they were already present in the material. It only took days for money to begin to come in. I wrote about how grateful I was for the four new clients. Before long, I realized that I already had four new clients! Within three weeks my life shifted in a very big way.
We have to be happy and grateful for the car, the roof over our
heads, our ability to pay our bills and our paycheck. If we aren’t grateful for these things we likely focus on what we don’t have. Focusing on what we don’t have nets your more of what you aren’t happy with. Instead of focusing on the outward appearance or your current circumstances, focus on the good.
TO MANIFEST LOVE
If you want love in your life, begin saying “Thank you for the love in my life!” “Thank you for the loving, respectful honoring relationship I now have.” This will put what you desire into your energy field. Focusing on being alone will keep you alone.
I teach my clients how to meditate. Even those who say they can’t or never have been able to quiet their minds, I help them do just that. Meditation allows you to connect with all that is. Remember: You are able to tap into the limitless field of potential through this simple daily activity.
Life is really a game. When you learn how to play it, everything becomes play. Life is short have a ball! Have fun with it. Most people have forgotten how to play. Connecting with our inner child helps us do just that. Watch a child. They know how. Play can happen in the bedroom, during sex, you can find yourself laughing rather than taking yourself so seriously. I laugh at my goofiness all the time. When we can laugh at ourselves, life becomes so much easier. Laughter is healing. Laughter raises your
vibration. If you don’t remember how to play watch a comedian like Bill Burr, or Jim Gaffigan. They laugh at themselves all the time. Laughter is good for the soul. Play is the way to get you there.
11. Watch What You Say Feel and Believe
We are infinite creators. The Universe is always and in every way working for our good. If we say and believe, “LIFE IS HARD.” The Universe will make it so – proving you right. If we say, “I don’t have enough money for this.” You will continue having not enough money for anything. Instead think carefully before you think. If you are envious of others, it is because you feel life isn’t fair. However, you have created your life through your words, thoughts and beliefs. Be happy for others that are happy, or you will never be happy yourself. Be happy for others’ successes. Or you will never be successful. Be happy for those that have wealth and money, or you will never have it yourself. You can’t hate what you desire, or you will continue to keep it from yourself. You are in conflict in this way.
When we begin feeling we are enough, that we have enough and as a matter of fact, we are the energy of money, we begin to have more than enough. Everything is energy. Our thoughts are energy. Our emotions are energy. When we have a thought coupled with a
strong emotion – we attract whatever we were thinking about ~whether it is positive or negative. Everything is energy; therefore money is energy, love is energy, you are energy! Here are some positive ways to attract what you desire:
- I am love
- I am money
- I am the energy of money
- I am wealth
- I am the consciousness of success
- I am the consciousness of profit
- I am the consciousness of money
- I attract what I am
- Therefore I am love
- I am loving
- I love me
- I love you
Thoughts become things. Watch what you think. Watch how you feel. Notice what your thoughts are. The more we focus on something the more of it we attract, whether we want it or not.
My Personal Journey and Lessons:
I was traumatized early in childhood. I had people I loved and trusted cross personal boundaries, victimize and molest me. I felt unloved, unworthy and worthless. This caused a fracture in my soul. Until I did deep energy work with soul retreival, and released trapped and stuck emotions I felt lost, broken and ungrounded. This is now part of the work I do with my clients. I healed my own addictions through loving me and finding my spiritual purpose here on earth. As simple as that coupled with a deep spiritual grounding, my illness, depression, anxiety and addictions were all healed. Without the spiritual we are lost and feel alone. Daily meditation is what keeps me connected, focused and clear.
The happier I became with me, the better all my relationships were. Instead of fighting with my mother and children, there is ease and peace between us. Happiness became a permanent emotion.
Sex became better. There was laughter during love making! My Tantra healing allowed me to become fully orgasmic. Until that time, orgasms were difficult if not impossible without manual stimulation. I knew I was not alone, which is why I was guided to write Orgasm For Life. If I had difficulties with orgasmic after sexual trauma, there were others that did too.
I share my own personal experiences openly as well as my lessons. Many people can relate to what I have been through. Others did not share the same experiences, yet we cannot judge anyone else, because when we do, we also judge ourselves. Until we walk in another person’s shoes we never know why they did what they did, or why they have the experiences they do. Each of us is here to grow and evolve. We do this by having experiences. None of these things is wrong or bad, it just is. Allowing others to have their own experience without judgment is loving.