50 Shades of Grey Lessons

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Whether you are into Dominant-submissive relationships or kinky sex, or not, watching or reading 50 Shades of Grey will certainly excite you or give you a plethora of ideas for sex play adding greater excitement in your boudoir. It may, however, lower your vibration and make you feel very sad. It certainly did that to me. The musical score was fabulous. Here is some music to play to accompany your reading. 

I do not condone physical violence against men or women. This was not about love. 50 Shades of Grey is about sadomasochism and sex. Christian Grey is unable to have a relationship, as he puts it….. “fucks.” There is no connection, no love, he is incapable.

In a future post, I will explore the dominant-submissive roles. For the purposes of this article, the focus in on the lessons learned from this movie.

50 Shades of Grey has become a hit for several reasons. Sex begins in the mind. Women are the ones predominantly, reading this book. Men, if you don’t see why, I have compiled the lessons to be learned from this rise (forgive the pun) of interest in eroticism. Both parties can benefit from taking turns being more aggressive in bed.  It does not mean you have to haul out whips, rope or tape. Although a silk tie might come in handy on occasion.

50 Shades is alluring for women that fantasize about the rich man who can take her in fast cars, on helicopter and planes, buy lavish gifts and whisk them away from their dull lives. Christian Grey does all of these things. Anastasia is an innocent, virginal college grad who has never experienced sex at all. There is something for everyone. A virginal college grad is a rarity these days. Many men fantasize about taking a girl’s virginity. This movie will certainly give you some ideas for making use of your old silk ties! Boy scouts can utilize their knot skills.


The art of teasing the mind has been an exciting adjunct to sex play for centuries. When we allow sexual tension to build excitement increases, making orgasms stronger and pleasure-filled. The longer the anticipation, the more incredible the sex. Grey has rules that set the tone for what is to come. He lets Anastasia know she can’t touch him, she can’t make noise, and she has to lie still. What happens when you tell someone they can’t do something? They want to do it all the more. Ask any teenager.  Grey shows her a silk tie, asking, “Do you know what this is for?” Even showing Anastasia the tie conjures up visions in her mind adding to her excitement and deepening her pleasure. When Grey begins to disrobe her, he does so slowly, deliberately. He is in control. She starts to trust him, opening up to him. 


Spending time kissing, rather than jumping to the old in-out, allows time to bring her sexual energy up. Women are slow to warm up to the idea of sex. They need to be turned on in their mind first. A kiss is exciting on its own. When Grey kisses Anastasia, it is passionate, sensual leaving her breathless, wanting more. Instead of taking her right then, he walks away leaving her stunned, thinking about his lips, his body, what it would feel like to have him on top of her. She is anticipating what is to come. You can use this technique with your partner in the morning leaving them to conjure up fantasies about your hard body pressing up against her (or him) all day long. 

Every time Anastasia thinks about sex with Grey, she bites her lip. There are over 25 instances of her biting her lip in this movie, and 20 minutes of sex.

If you have never worn a blindfold during sex, you are missing out on an amazing sensory experience. With eyes restrained, your sense of touch and smell become heightened. When your other senses 

become stronger excitement builds. Sex is a sensory experience. Heighten your other senses and try a blindfold. Not knowing what is about to happen adds to the anticipation. Ask any blind person about their heightened senses. 

 The Spoken Word

Our voices have the power to vibrate parts of our bodies. Our voice needs to be part of the sexual experience. Many people don’t speak during sex. Telling your partner what you are about to do to them, as you are doing it allows them the freedom to let go, enjoy the pleasure of what is happening in the moment. Voice

brings someone back into their body when they tend to drift and disconnect. Many of us have had sexual trauma and need to hear a reassuring voice keep us present, in the moment, rather than avoiding what is occurring. “You’re so beautiful! You are amazing! You taste so good. I love the way you smell.” All those phrases will excite the mind, engage them to stay with you, rather than drift off. Staying present is one of the fastest ways to help someone to orgasm that has challenges doing so.

Get Creative

We have fingers, nails, a tongue, lips, hair we can use to tickle, tantalize and excite our partners. Try different forms of touch and pressure. Using a feather to tease and excite adds a different dimension and feeling to the sexual experience. Use your imagination. Feed your partner juicy fruit when they are blindfolded. Use an ice cube in your mouth while going down on them. Read Orgasm For Life, for other exciting and sensual experiences.

This Butts For You!

Americans are more open to experience violence than nudity, which is evident in our movie censorship. In Europe, a bare breast or behind is commonplace and natural. 50 Shades has plenty of

nudity for both sexes to enjoy. Dakota Johnson has a lovely youthful body. Her counterpart is just as lovely to look at. 

Overall, this movie was okay. It is dark, kinky and as Christian Grey says so eloquently, “50 Shades of fucked up!” He cannot connect on a heart level. He cannot engage enough to have a real relationship. Their relationship is twisted and purely sexual. If you are looking for some ideas in the bedroom, there are other sexy movies for those who are not into the S&M model.


 Lady Chatterley’s Lover was the first erotica I ever read. Written by D.H. Lawrence in 1928, you would be surprised at how titillating it can be. Read erotica together in bed, and watch what unfolds.

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach. She empowers women to become happy with themselves and, therefore, happier in life, their relationships and guides them towards their purpose. The cornerstone of her work is healing addictions and codependency. Jennifer empowers women to nurture themselves, stepping into their personal power so that they are more emotionally available and present in their lives. From anxiety to depression, worry, fears or insomnia, Jennifer has done this healing work herself for over 30 years and has developed an integrative healing that shifts you gently without changing who you are. She has helped couples heal long-term marriages, others find their love, and still others live a happier more purpose-filled life.

Jennifer’s radio show, All You Need Is Love, airs on BBM Global in July, 2015. Your questions will be answered on air. If you are committed to making positive changes in your life, e-mail Jennifer for a free discovery session to see if her work is a good fit for you.

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