It is my belief that you, or I for that matter, could fall in love with anyone. This thought-form came to me about a year ago. We choose to love. Love is a choice. It is not as many would believe, an emotion. Hate is an aspect of, rather than the opposite of love.
It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time. Think back to an argument with a partner, where they infuriated you, making you feel like the lid would come off the top of your brain and your blood would boil.
We choose who we want to let in and when we close our heart. Some married people choose NOT to love their partner. Why? Fear, judgment, non-acceptance, lack of trust, anger, resentment and unforgiveness stops love. Fear blocks us from receiving. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship can attest to the fact that fear chips away at the love that was once there. Love is on a continuum from hate. It is not the opposite, but another aspect of it. It is possible to both love and hate someone at the same time.
We Do The Following When We Choose To Love Someone:
- you act in a way that is in the other persons’ best interest
- take the other person’s needs into consideration
- work towards understanding the other’s viewpoint
- you treat the other person with respect
- you are committed
Dr. Arthur Aaron conducted a study twenty years ago, which concluded that connection and closeness are conscious. The couples entered through different doors and spent 45-minutes asking each other 36 questions that gradually increase in intensity. The findings were that these issues helped build a relationship, through consciously choosing to be vulnerable. Two of the respondents got married six months later. The entire lab attended their wedding.
Mandy Len Catron read about Dr. Aaron’s study and decided to try it out with an acquaintance from University. She wrote about her experience in a New York Times, modern love essay. She ended up falling in love with her acquaintance.
Professor of Psychology, Art Markman University of Texas, at Austin says, there are probably several things going on at once. If there is physical attraction, he said it is possible to generate a connection with just about anyone. The essential elements for respondents is to have three things in common and a close relationship with their mothers.
Spend 45-minutes together and ask each other the following 36 questions, which gradually become more personal and increase in intensity. Immediately after the questioning period spend 4 minutes gazing into each other’s eyes – allowing the other to “see you,” which is what Arthur Aaron believes is what it takes to fall in love.