I am a sensual person. What does that mean, you ask? I find pleasure in touch, food, nature, texture, scents sounds and certainly all aspects of love-making. Of course, we can’t be in the sack 24 hours a day, how would we ever get anything done? How could we write our blogs, or coach our clients, or even feed ourselves?
After a sensual afternoon in the hot sun on a pristine California beach, I stopped at Trader Joes (a specialty market chain) before driving the 2 or so hours home. The beach is relaxing for me, which is wonderful in many aspects, but having to drive home can be dangerous. I have fallen asleep at the wheel countless times, like 4% of the population. It seems I have this family trait in my DNA. I am working to remedy the sleepiness using several different means. Food, music, singing all help to keep us alert when we get sleepy while driving.
Many people get sleepy while driving. Falling asleep at the wheel is the cause of over 100,000 car accidents every year. I have logged thousands of miles in my little Honda back and forth across the country, all the way to Chicago and Toronto and made it there safely. I pray a lot and ask for protection. I also do whatever I can to stay awake once the sun sets, the most dangerous time to drive.
I don’t mean just shutting my eyes for a moment. I fell asleep once right outside of Elvis’ birthplace, Tupelo, Mississipi. I drove up the concrete median with both driver’s side wheels. With only two wheels on the highway, my angels gently dropped me safely back onto all four wheels about 50 or so feet from where I fell asleep. (I can only assume).
The car made a very loud noise when those two wheels made contact with the freeway, waking both my daughter and I up. Since this incident, I have tried very hard to have activities in the car to keep me awake, which is typically something to eat.
I had a thermos of coffee ready for my drive home, just in case. I have fallen asleep too many times on my return trip from the beach to count. I picked up a sandwich wrap, some hummus and a package of decadent lace cookies. My long explanation of falling asleep at the wheel surely justifies this falling off the rails, by eating these sweet and very decadent cookies. I thought the sugar would keep help to keep me awake. There was no guilt with my purchase. It was a safety measure!
Once on the highway, I opened the plastic package and selected the top lace cookie, without looking. I took one small bite and savored the incredible textures. I am all about different tastes and texture in my food. Delicious food has contrast. This cookie hit all the high notes in my brain.
I could feel my pleasure centers lighting up, my eyes practically rolling back in my head while enjoying the diverse sensations of crunch and smoothness in my mouth. The lace cookie has two crunchy cookies sandwiched between incredibly delicious creamy chocolate which is in soft contrast to the nutty crunch. Eating this cookie was such a sensual experience, it was like an orgasm in my mouth.
As with sex, the first one was incredible. I ate the cookie slowly, rolling the taste over my tongue. I took my time, rather than rushing, savoring every mouthful. Who wants to rush something that is so amazing? Certainly not me! Even after I swallowed the last trace of the lace cookie, I still tasted it in my mouth. The flavor was spreading across my tongue and lips.
I hesitated before reaching for a second cookie. One cookie was surely enough I thought, it was so rich. The human tendency is to want more of what is incredible. Often, however, the first time, or first, one is so much better than when we go back a second time.
We need to take our time, not rush and certainly enjoy our pleasure. I did enjoy it, which is why I said to myself, “It was so good. What the hell!” I’ve been disciplined this past month, I rationalized. I have lost almost ten pounds, how much difference does one more cookie make?
As soon as I bit into the second cookie, I regretted it. But I was already committed. I had to finish! As I continued slowly chewing then swallowing the textures of both crunchy toasted nuts and soft chocolate deliciousness, I wished I had stopped after the first one. Why did I go back for more? There was no turning back now! I ate every last bit of it.
How Often Do We Regret?
If you are going to have pleasure, you may as well enjoy it, rather than feel guilty. Don’t punish yourself. I had my two cookies and am wondering should I have a third? What the heck nobody is watching! (I didn’t feel guilty either.)
When it comes to guilty pleasures, most of us have experienced guilt with sex. We can feel guilty for what we do. We feel shame for what we are. Sometimes we take responsibility for things that we cannot control. Some people tend to “make” us feel guilty. Passive aggression is often part of the equation as well. When someone tries to make you feel guilty to get you to do something is a form of manipulation. Asking for what we want is much healthier and authentic. Sex addiction can lead to guilt. You might want to read my post on sex addiction here. Or my personal story here.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach. The foundation for her work is healing codependency, addiction and raising self-esteem. When we feel good about ourselves, we begin to attract balanced, healthy relationships.
Self Mastery is a loving act. Jennifer guides you into mastery. You don’t change, but your focus shifts. Instead of feeling hateful towards yourself and others, you lovingly accept all of you, even your flaws and faults. Connect with Jennifer here through her private e-mail to ask questions, or set up a discovery session to see if her work is a good fit for you.
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