I hear clients asking me for signs all the time. Where are the signs? How do I see signs? Signs are everywhere. We find them in nature, the flying hawk over head showing us we need to see from a higher perspective. It might be a receipt that falls out of a closet showing you that your partner had a couples’ massage without you. Comedian Bill Engvall did a comedy routine using this phrase. Today, I borrow it from him. Here’s your sign!
It’s Just Sex
If you have been dating someone a short while and the only thing he talks about is sex, you can bet that is all he is interested in. He might text you about what he wants you to wear, what turns him on. He might make suggestive comments about not wearing any underwear. If the subject of sex is the predominant one, you don’t have a relationship, it’s just exercise! Here’s your sign!
Perhaps you are married or in a long-term relationship. When you attempt to talk to your partner about a subject that is important, and they respond in anger you are being manipulated by passive aggressive behavior. When someone uses passive aggression to avoid, it is because they don’t want to hear the truth, and don’t want to change. Avoidance of issues means that someone is in denial. Avoidance and denial net discord. There can be no intimacy or truth when either is present. Here’s your sign!
Maybe your sex life has fizzled out. Many people have this issue. When one or both parties are not interested in sex, it is likely that one of the parties is stepping out on their own. Other signs are: not showing up at family events, is regularly away alone on weekends there just might be a problem. Although, the first thing I think of is
that they are having an affair, it could be another form of avoidance. Vacations alone can also be a sign that there is something wrotten in Denmark. When a couple has intimacy, vacations are taken together. When intimacy is absent, there might be a third party in your relationship. Here’s your sign!
You Rationalize Why You Won’t Have Sex
We can rationalize all sorts of behavior, but that doesn’t make avoiding our partner loving. If we make our partners jump through hoops or do certain things before we consider sex, we are having transactional sex. What is transactional sex?
A man wants sex, he pays to get sex from a sex-worker (prostitute). Another scenario might be; a married man wants sex and his wife refuses to have sex with him unless he has washed the car, taken the kids to karate, taken out the trash, painted the window sills or bought her something shiny. Not all of these examples need to be in place for sex to be transactional. Married and coupled people often set high expectations for sex to occur. When we do, we are having transactional sex.
Your Date May Be Addicted
You have begun to date someone you like. There is a nagging feeling at the back of your mind that every date revolves around either drugs or alcohol. You rationalize that it is because you are on a date. If someone is drinking three or four beer a night, has large bottles or cloth Crown Royal bags all over their house, you might consider that there is a substance issue. Just maybe! Here’s your sign!
They Are More Kinky Than You
With 50 Shades of Gray books and movie there has been an upsurge of kinky sex in the dating scene. Guys might want to smack your ass, thinking it is a turn on. If it happens more than once and you let it go by, when it bothers you, here’s your sign!
When a behavior shows up, we need to speak about it immeditately. Waiting for another moment to pass or the perfect time is allowing the unwanted behavior to continue. If you don’t like a particular sex act or behavior when someone mentions wanting to dominate you, or smacks you or asks for anal and you don’t want it, tell them immediately. If behavior that makes you uncomfortable continues, it is time to leave the situation – permanently. Here’s your sign!
Promises Made Repeatedly And Not Delivered
If someone makes promises and doesn’t deliver, more than once, you might want to talk to them about it. If the behavior continues you might want to discuss that you have serious trust issues. In a loving committed relationship, trust or lack of it, effects intimacy. We can’t have intimacy when we don’t trust our partners. When we don’t trust someone to deliver, we feel disrespected. If this is a business deal, your reputation might be on the line. Staying in a situation where you are repeatedly disrespected, lied to or the other doesn’t do what they promise to do, leaving may be the only available option.
Thank you to Bill engvall, comedian for his line: Here’s your sign!