By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Everyone has emotions. How we process our emotions is an indication of our evolution, personal growth, and maturity. When we yell, berate or blame anyone for what we are feeling or experiencing, we are not aware that it is our issue we are reacting to. Someone has pushed our buttons and triggered an emotional reaction. It is not the other person’s fault. Instead, we need to look at our feelings.
What Does It Mean To Blame Another?
assign responsibility for a fault or wrong:
“the inquiry blamed the engineer for the accident” synonyms: hold responsible · hold accountable · condemn · accuse ·
find/consider guilty · assign fault/liability/guilt to · indict · point the finger at · finger ·incriminate · inculpate · ascribe to · attribute to · impute to · lay at the door of · put down to · pin
Blaming another for our reaction does two things, neither of them are positive. We make ourselves a victim, which means we are not taking responsibility for our own emotions. When we assign blame to another person we are acting like a child. We are removing any personal responsibility for what we feel. We are refusing to see our part in the situation.
The problem with being a victim is that we need to be rescued. We shift from the position of victim, to rescuer, to perpetrator. In this triangle everyone becomes a victim, everyone becomes a perpetrator and everyone becomes a rescuer at some point. None of these are healthy. We give our power away by being a victim. You are not a victim.
You Might Just Be A Victim If….
- You have to prove the other person is wrong.
- You point your finger at the other literally or figuratively.
- Your emotions are out of control.
- You use the words like, “you never, you should or you always.”
My personal experience with blame after living as a victim for over forty years makes me sensitive to others victim hood. This is the core of the work I do. When we heal our self-hatred and victim hood, we no longer blame others. We take responsibility for our part in a given situation.
Overcoming Our Past Victim Status
We didn’t get here overnight. It takes patience, awareness and consistency to heal our past. Here are a few things you can begin to do on your own to heal the past and shift out of victimhood.
- Be present. Breathe deeply. Notice when you are breathing shallowly. Stop and breathe. Breathing deeply and consciously is the fastest way to bring yourself into the present.
- Notice your words. Catch yourself when you go into blame. Correct yourself on the spot.
- Become aware of the way you feel. Notice when someone triggers you and you become emotionally reactive.
- Take responsibility for your own feelings, rather than blame someone for making you feel a certain way. No one can make you feel anything you don’t allow.
- Forgive your past perpectrators. Sexual abuse, abandonment, betrayal, rape, sexual assault are all serious issues. I am sorry you experienced those situations. I have great compassion for you. I expereienced those things too. Forgiving others is paramount for your own healing. You don’t have to agree with or condone what was done to you, but you have to forgive others to heal. Begin your forgiveness practice with you. The Ho’oponopono Prayer is the simplist way to forgive. You can find it below.
- Be kind to yourself. Stop beating yourself up. Stop trying to be perfect. You are already perfect the way you are. They way you were created.
- Be grateful for what you have. Be grateful for the emotions that are showing you what is true for you. Stay with those feelings rather than lashing out on someone else. These feelings are okay to have. They are yours. Breathe and allow the feelings to wash through you. Don’t run away from them, as they will surface at another time that might not be as safe or convenient.
- Love yourself fearlessly. Know you are already enough. You are perfect the way you are. You are not broken.
- Trust the process. Trust that what is happening is what needs to happen for your soul’s growth. You are where you are because this is perfect for you in this moment. Revel in the moment. Enjoy what you have. Know if you relationship ended, it was because it was meant to. You got what you needed and it is over. Heal the past, make peace with your past partners and let them go. Nothing is permanent.
- The only thing we can count on is change. Everything changes. The seasons change. The weather changes, we change. Our children change. They grow up and no longer need us in the same way.
- Be at peace with what is. Know it is all okay. You are okay. Breathe. Know that inside you is love. You are loving. You are kind, you are compassionate. Be at peace with who you are.
This simple prayer has been used by the Kahuna healers of Hawaii for generations. It is a profound healing tool and can heal physical hurts as well as emotional pain and suffering.
Think of yourself first. Sit quietly and repeat the prayer thinking of how you have hurt yourself. Then begin to think of how you have hurt others. Forigive yourself first. When you feel complete with you, begin to forgive anyone that has hurt you from your past.
I am sorry
Please forgive me
I love you
I have healed my past. I have come to a place of gratitude for everything I have experienced. My past allows me a deep compassion and understanding for others who are hurting, feel broken, lost or insecure.
Now I guide people to love through self-acceptance and awareness. Sometimes, I trigger people with issues that are unresolved by asking them questions about their lives. It is part of who I am and what I am here to do. I am guided to say certain things to certain people. When they react angrily to an innocent question, they point their finger back at me. They often get angry because I asked an innocent, conversational question, like, “Are you happy?” Or, “Are you happily married?”
Sometimes, I offer help to others and am blamed for the help given when asked. This is actually an interesting issue. If you ask for help, it is given graciously and generously, why then would you become angry when the person you asked, helps you? Blame makes you a victim. You are not a victim.
More now that any time in our history we are being pushed, prodded and shoved by situations, and The Universe to look at our personal issues. We have been upgraded many times over. People have begun to tell me that just talking with me shifts them.
Just one session shifted the way I felt about my sexuality by 50% and we didn’t even do anything but talk! ST NY. NY
In just four weeks of working with Jennifer I have shifted so much. I had no idea that I had hate programs with men. This prevented me from finding love. I resolved my issues with my father and now I am irresistible to men! JE Texas