By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Everyone has emotions. How we process our emotions is an indication of our evolution, personal growth, and maturity. When we yell, berate or blame anyone for what we are feeling or experiencing, we are not aware that it is our issue we are reacting to. Someone has pushed our buttons and triggered an emotional reaction. It is not the other person’s fault. Instead, we need to look at our feelings.
What Does It Mean To Blame Another?
assign responsibility for a fault or wrong:
“the inquiry blamed the engineer for the accident” synonyms: hold responsible · hold accountable · condemn · accuse ·
find/consider guilty · assign fault/liability/guilt to · indict · point the finger at · finger ·incriminate · inculpate · ascribe to · attribute to · impute to · lay at the door of · put down to · pin
Blaming another for our reaction does two things, neither of them are positive. We make ourselves a victim, which means we are not taking responsibility for our own emotions. When we assign blame to another person we are acting like a child. We are removing any personal responsibility for what we feel. We are refusing to see our part in the situation.
- You have to prove the other person is wrong.
- You point your finger at the other literally or figuratively.
- Your emotions are out of control.
- You use the words like, “you never, you should or you always.”
- Be present. Breathe deeply. Notice when you are breathing shallowly. Stop and breathe. Breathing deeply and consciously is the fastest way to bring yourself into the present.
- Notice your words. Catch yourself when you go into blame. Correct yourself on the spot.
- Become aware of the way you feel. Notice when someone triggers you and you become emotionally reactive.
- Take responsibility for your own feelings, rather than blame someone for making you feel a certain way. No one can make you feel anything you don’t allow.
- Forgive your past perpectrators. Sexual abuse, abandonment, betrayal, rape, sexual assault are all serious issues. I am sorry you experienced those situations. I have great compassion for you. I expereienced those things too. Forgiving others is paramount for your own healing. You don’t have to agree with or condone what was done to you, but you have to forgive others to heal. Begin your forgiveness practice with you. The Ho’oponopono Prayer is the simplist way to forgive. You can find it below.
- Be kind to yourself. Stop beating yourself up. Stop trying to be perfect. You are already perfect the way you are. They way you were created.
- Be grateful for what you have. Be grateful for the emotions that are showing you what is true for you. Stay with those feelings rather than lashing out on someone else. These feelings are okay to have. They are yours. Breathe and allow the feelings to wash through you. Don’t run away from them, as they will surface at another time that might not be as safe or convenient.
- Love yourself fearlessly. Know you are already enough. You are perfect the way you are. You are not broken.
- Trust the process. Trust that what is happening is what needs to happen for your soul’s growth. You are where you are because this is perfect for you in this moment. Revel in the moment. Enjoy what you have. Know if you relationship ended, it was because it was meant to. You got what you needed and it is over. Heal the past, make peace with your past partners and let them go. Nothing is permanent.
- The only thing we can count on is change. Everything changes. The seasons change. The weather changes, we change. Our children change. They grow up and no longer need us in the same way.
- Be at peace with what is. Know it is all okay. You are okay. Breathe. Know that inside you is love. You are loving. You are kind, you are compassionate. Be at peace with who you are.