By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Physical and emotional numbness comes from trauma. For most of us, numbness is from sexual trauma from a long time ago. When there are blacked out memories from childhood, in 100% of the cases it is from sexual molestation, sometimes including intense emotional neglect or abuse. The soul shatters from the betrayal and unthinkable heinous crimes against innocent children.
In order to protect the psyche, this split causes fragments of the soul to breakaway like broken shards of glass. Your soul needs love, compassion, and healing. This fragmentation is called PTSD by the medical profession. PTSD can cause anxiety, disconnection, depression, lost memories, feelings of victimhood, blame, illness, and insomnia. I wrote about my recovery in my first book, Odyssey Victim To Victory. You will find it helpful if you are beginning your journey or wondering why you feel as you do.
- Anger for no known reason.
- Rage. A stronger form of anger. It comes from a dark disconnected place often causing blackouts (no memory of the rage).
- Depression. Long-standing depression is often caused by angry feelings you don’t feel you have the right to feel. In my case, my depression spanned decades of my life, so long, I didn’t know what it felt like to not be depressed. When I brought it up to my mother she said, “Nonsense!”
- Disconnected from the self.
- Low self-esteem.
- Household hauntings. A common occurrence when you have been molested. Every house I lived in was haunted until I completely cleared the abuse from my energy field. If everywhere you move is haunted, you might want to consider that you are the common denominator.
- Insomnia. Insomnia is often coupled with worrisome thoughts in the middle of the night. Your body is attempting to get your attention. How much more can you take of this? Is anyone in there? Hello? Insomnia is your body’s check engine light. Continue to ignore these signs and disease or illness will be the next level of warning that something is wrong.
- Intense worry.
- Sex and other addictions. Alcoholism, drug addiction, codependency. Addiction is from a rejection of the self. Sexual molestation leaves a child feeling worthless, unworthy, conflicted, lost filled with guilt and shame. Those feelings can be too painful to endure. Addictions to sweets, food, thumb sucking and other self-soothing actions are also common.
- Promiscuity. Victims of sexual molestation can go one of two ways: hate sex and avoid it like the plague, or have a multitude of sexual partners looking for love.
- Confuse sex with love. When your boundaries are crossed early by a trusted loved one, you look for love through sex. Don’t beat yourself up about this. It makes total sense. I can clear the guilt and shame.
- Intense feelings of guilt. You feel guilty for almost everything.
- Shame. A feeling of shame is intense for those who have been molested in either a present or past life.
- You feel responsible for one or both or your parent’s happiness. A child should never be made to be responsible for their parents’ self-esteem or happiness. That needs to come from within a whole, healed, balanced adult.
- Feel broken. You might feel like a little-broken doll.
- You don’t fit in. Feelings of not fitting in can be from other issues, but are included in cases of molestation as you feel dirty, soiled or damaged.
- Abuse, victimization and trauma continues to play out in your current life and relationships. Your body is attempting to get your attention. Something is out of whack.
- Masturbate at an early age. Children who are molested early often obsessively masturbate sometimes before the age of five. Sexual feelings are awakened in children early by molestation. Sexual urges are natural. It is part of the human experience.
- Emotional unavailability. We attract what we are. Most of us have difficulty seeing that we are the ones with the emotional unavailability. We see it first in our partners. Admitting we have it too is a huge challenge for most of us. I know it certainly was for me.
- You may be obsessed with sex. Sexual addiction and sexual obsession are similar. If you feel compelled by sex, pornography, or have a desire to show yourself to others the root of this issue is sexual trauma from childhood.
- Illness is your middle name. If you are sick all the time, and have no idea why, you may have been molested. Until I began clearing the trauma from my field I was told I was a hypochondriac. I had intense body pain, pelvic floor pain, Epstein-Barr and auto-immune disease, Fibromyalgia and breast cancer. Now I am as healthy as a horse. I have no physical pain whatsoever.
- You have intense physical pain. Pain comes from guilt. Victims of childhood molestation often blame themselves for what happened because of what they were told.
- You have intense fears. Fears may diminish over time. Loving the self unconditionally is the best way to heal fears. I clear the fears in my sessions with private clients and on my podcasts.
- A feeling of helplessness. Children are powerless to stop molestation and abuse. This feeling of helplessness follows you until you heal the past. Helplessness can also come from seeing a parent being physically or emotionally abused. As a child, you felt helpless and lost witnessing the brutality.
- Neediness. If you feel as if you need the world to validate you, love you and provide you comfort, you need to look within. No one can give you what you need but you. Until you fill this void with self-acceptance and love, that hole will be an open and unhealed wound.
- Non-orgasmic. Not everyone becomes non-orgasmic from sexual molestation but many do. The fight or flight mechanism freezes in the cellular structure inside the vagina and the labia causing numbness. Tantra can be used to heal this. My book, Orgasm For Life, was written to help the millions who suffer from this phenomena.
The Good News!
Once you get on the other side of healing, you look back at your life and feel that it wasn’t you. It feels as if it was in another life. You begin to recognize that this was all so that you would love and accept yourself unconditionally. Everything happens for the good of your soul. There is a silver lining. You are not a victim.
Why You Need To Forgive
Forgiveness allows you to forgive yourself and let go of the past. It doesn’t condone the actions of another. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiving your perpetrator frees you from being tied to them, unburdening your soul.
Therapy Keeps You Stuck
I know of one man who has been in therapy for 25 years and has still not released the pain and suffering of the past sexual trauma. I went to a psychiatrist, group therapy, and private therapy for years. None of it helped move me out of the pain and misery of the past. Therapy keeps you stuck in your story, rather than clearing the trapped emotions and unworthiness, guilt, shame and suffering at the soul level.
Tapping into your soul through meditation, hypnotherapy and prayer works to heal. Energy clearings remove the beliefs, patterns, and self-sabotage. If you are ready to begin this work following are some suggestions to begin your healing. I do this work one-on-one with my clients. I am there to support you through the process of letting go in a safe place. I have been where you are. I know what you feel, I understand the pain, suffering, sorrow of a childhood lost. From a place of deep compassion, understanding and love, I support you and lead you as you heal.
What Proof Do I Have?
For 32 years I lived with all of the above symptoms. I thought I could ignore the sh*t that kept coming up destroying every relationship I every attempted. I was unavailable emotionally. I was
sick. I blamed everyone for how I felt. My body was showing me that I had problems under my hood. My check engine light was on CONSTANTLY!
I searched, learned, studied and educated myself. I had a doctor tell me I read too much. It wasn’t therapy or a doctor that fixed me, I did it. I went to a hypnotherapist, found it worked so I became one. I went to energy healers spending thousands of dollars to get myself well, then went on to take course after course becoming a Master Energy Healer professionally. I went to homeopaths, naturopaths, chiropractors. All that I learned over my lifetime, I share with my clients in my healing sessions. I use a variety of methods to get positive results.
My Issues Made Me A Healer
When I found out that it worked, I became a powerful energy healer myself. I used the energy healing to release the trapped emotions, self-sabotage, depression, anger, addictions, suicidal programs, fear, negativity, anxiety, worry, neediness, guilt, shame and low self-esteem. I turned my challenges into my guiding light. Now I help others heal past trauma. I discovered my inner talents and gifts during the process of my healing and awakening.
My first book is the story of my awakening. Now I live in freedom, happiness, bliss, joy and love. I know the way because I did it myself. I didn’t just decide one day and then poof I was on the other side. No, I had backslides, challenges and more failed relationships on the road to recovery. What do you choose to do for yourself today?
Find my books on Amazon to get you moving in a positive direction.