By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Most people think they have healthy self-esteem. 50 million Americans suffer from mental disorders ranging from depression to eating disorders. The World Health Organization (WHO) report that more deaths are caused each year by suicide than homicide or war (source). All health issues come from a lack of self-love.
It is important to note that over 90% of our thoughts are unconscious. Our unconscious thoughts are running the show. Most people are totally unaware of the negative and self-hating thoughts they think unconsciously.
If You Do These Three Things You Don’t Love Yourself
- You find yourself breathing shallowly, holding your breath or barely breathing. People with low self-esteem feel they are unworthy; they don’t value themselves enough to breathe deeply which affirms life and keeps you strong and healthy. Many people with low self-esteem end up with asthma, COPD, and heart issues.
- You focus on what others are doing and attempt to fix, change or “help” others. When our self-esteem is low we notice the issues, problems and things others need to do which takes the focus away from ourselves. People with healthy self-esteem turn inward to see why they feel the way they do without blaming another person for their feelings.
- You are unhappy. Unhappiness is a sign of low self-esteem. Instead of seeing all the good in your life you focus on the problems. You may be negative, have many issues with your health, or problems within relationships. Plain and simple, people with low self-esteem look at what is wrong instead of what is right with their lives.
“What I am seeing and feeling is that your focus is on everything that is wrong. Do you continue to focus on areas of your life looking at them wondering if it is dog shit? You look at it unsure if it is dog shit, so you squeeze it a little to see if it feels like dog
|A steaming pile of shit!
shit, then you smell it and see if it smells like dog shit, you turn it over in your hand and look at it a little more closely. But you still aren’t positive. So you taste it to see if it tastes like dog shit! Here is the bottom line:
- Look at all the things that are good in your life. Be grateful for those positive attributes. Write down everything you do have. Write a list beginning with having been alive again to see another sunrise. Having eyes, that see, fingers that move, legs that work. Children, a husband that loves you (hopefully) grandchildren, a roof over your head, that you can still watch a sunset. Write down everything you can think of and give thanks for it. Gratitude is the fastest way to recognize all that you do have. Things will begin to shift when you turn your thoughts and focus away from the problems.
- Look at yourself through eyes of love. Look at yourself as if you are a newborn baby. It might sound silly, but think about how you felt when you had your first child. Did you hate it? Did you beat it up when it cried? Did You hit it or berate it for being hungry, unhappy or having a messy diaper? No. You loved this child. If you don’t have children, think of a pet you love, or another person you love. How do you treat those you love dearly? You are kind, compassionate, caring and gentle, show those kindnesses to yourself.
- Get to know yourself. People with low self-esteem don’t know much about themselves because they are focused on everyone else.
- Write a list of 10 things that you LOVE about yourself. Dig deep and be sure to come up with 10! Most people that don’t love themselves have difficulty because they have so much self-loathing and disgust for themselves that they are challenged to love themselves. Getting to know yourself is the first step to self-love.
- Every day look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself; I LOVE YOU! People who don’t love themselves are quick to fall in love with others but rarely turn that love towards themselves. When those same people get into a relationship they look for the other person to fill them up, instead of filling themselves up with love first, then loving their partner, which is the healthy balanced way to love.
- Our unconscious thoughts of self-hatred create illness and disease. All addictions and cancers are caused by a rejection of the self, self-loathing, deep hurts and resentment that are unhealed.
- Hire a coach who loves themselves. It took me over thirty years to get to this place of loving acceptance and permanent happiness. I can save you tons of struggle, time, and energy. I have done it, and I know how to get you there as well.
Loving the self is the fastest path to happiness. JEM