When most people think of sex, they think of pleasure. Some women, however, dread the thought of having sex. There are a number of reasons that women don’t enjoy sex.
Foreplay is a necessity for a woman.
In my book, Orgasm For Life, I recommend thirty to forty minutes of foreplay before penetration occurs. Use an organic lubrication to avoid painful intercourse. Dryness can occur when there is fear, too much stress or foreplay isn’t long enough or absent entirely. Do yourself a favor and be kind to yourself and buy a good lubrication and use it. Coconut oil or olive oil can work as well. Avoid lubricants with heating or stimulating qualities.
The sexual response cycle, coined by Masters and Johnson explains how arousal works for women. Women need to be stimulated through kissing, massage, touch, digital stimulation and oral sex to be aroused enough to have an orgasm. Oh, that’s a thing? Yes, it is a thing. Women should be having an orgasm or three each time her partner does!)
If a woman isn’t having an orgasm before or after her partner, this in itself can be enough to stop wanting to have sex. Faking orgasms isn’t good for anyone.
2. Your mother didn’t do you any favors. Most mothers tell their daughters that they shouldn’t be having sex and shouldn’t even want it. Girls might even hear the refrain, “Boys only want one thing! or “Nice girls don’t and sluts do!” The stereotypical whores enjoy sex and good girls don’t is still common today. Shaming makes it impossible to let go and enjoy the sex act.
It is unusual for women to openly admit they love sex. Schools teach abstinence, rather than birth control fortifying the programming that sex is bad, and if you get pregnant it is your fault.
Our old programming plays in the background of our minds causing us to feel guilty and ashamed about having sex or even enjoying it. A marriage certificate doesn’t automatically turn the green lights on either. Sex begins in the brain. If your internal programming is filled with unhealthy messages about sex being bad, wrong or dirty you will have a very difficult time shaking those programs loose enough to become turned on or enjoy sex. (An energy clearing can remove old programs you are unaware of).
3. You aren’t attracted to your partner. Your partner doesn’t have to look like George Clooney, but if you aren’t into him, he isn’t going to turn you on. Attraction isn’t just about physical appearance it is about the way your partner smells (pheromones), how clean they are, the way they treat you and how much you like them as a person. If you are angry with your partner, or they mistreat you sex will not be on your mind.
4. You pick your body apart. When we look at our breasts and say we hate them, or grab our extra inch or two around our waists, and tell ourselves how fat we are we are imprinting a negative body image into our unconscious.
When we don’t love our body, we don’t want anyone to see us naked. It makes sense. If you don’t feel good about the way you look, you won’t want anyone to look at you, never mind touch you.
5. You are filled with shame or numbness from childhood molestation. Even though you might have been molested decades ago, negative feelings or shame about sex may keep you from being able to enjoy sex.
6. You are too stressed. Stress for women precludes sex. In other words, men can have sex when they are stressed but it is the opposite for women. If they are packing for a trip, haven’t finished the laundry, have an issue with a co-worker they will have too much on their mind for sex.
7. You find sex distasteful. If you feel sex is wrong, dirty or disgusting you have issues with self-esteem. Sex is natural. A desire for sex is as natural as thirst for water. Our sexuality is the cornerstone of who we are. Women who absolutely hate sex have very low self-esteem.
Why Does The Idea of Sex Not Turn Me On Anymore?
Vulvodynia (pain around the vulva and opening of the vagina) and Dyspareunia (painful sex) can impede sexual desire. Let’s face it, if you are in pain, you aren’t going to want physical contact or penetration.
An energy clearing will eliminate limiting beliefs, self-sabotage and patterns that no longer serve you. Within my coaching sessions I use energy clearings and hypnotherapy to heal the past so you can create the life you desire.
Contact Jennifer for your discovery session to find out if her work is a good fit for you.