There is no easy way out when it comes time to ending a relationship. Following these steps will help you sever ties without destroying each other.
The only person we can change is ourselves.JEM
If one person is unhappy in a relationship, the other will be also. If you are feeling you are heading in different directions or your core values are no longer in alignment having a conversation is imperative. Putting off a conversation delays the inevitable. To be certain that you are at the end of the relationship road, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Be courageous and meet in person. Avoiding your partner or ignoring their calls is the easy way, but isn’t respectful. Ignoring the other person isn’t kind. You have to have a face-to-face conversation. Let them know you need to talk about an important issue in person. If you are afraid of your partner lashing out, have the conversation over the phone.
2. Meet in a quiet public place. A coffee shop, quiet restaurant, or park would work unless distance makes an in-person conversation impossible. Think about how you would feel if it were you on the receiving end. Where would you feel safe?
3. Be honest about your feelings. Lying about the reasons you want to end your relationship doesn’t serve either of you. Are you moving forward together or in opposite directions? Honesty helps the other person understand and allows them the opportunity to have clarity. If you don’t want to have further contact or be friends, don’t lie to soften the blow.
4. Explain without blame. Throwing accusations at the other person isn’t loving. Use, “I feel” statements explaining how you feel. Avoid using blanket statements about the past. Telling someone that they “never did” or “always forgot” will leave the other person feeling angry.
5. Discuss any problems or issues no matter how small. Give your partner the respect of understanding what went wrong and how it affects you for the future.
6. Be kind and compassionate. Breakups are difficult for both parties. There is no need to lob insults, call each other names, be angry or unkind. Tell your partner what you have enjoyed about them and what they did well.
7. Give each other time to process. Avoid texting and calling each other to help soften the blow. What you both need now is time to tap in and feel. Constant texting and phone calls muddy the waters and give the wrong impression. Allow yourselves time to see if there is any chance of resolving the differences before you rush into a conversation. Allow a clean break by having what I call radio silence – no contact at least for three days. Sleep on your decision and see how you feel.
8. Return Belongings. Rather than leaving clothes, devices or toiletries hanging in the balance return them to help give closure. We have to let go of the past to allow love to flow.
9. Sometimes a breakup is our biggest wake-up call. We all have issues. If we continue to stay in a relationship where we aren’t happy we aren’t being true to ourselves. A breakup could be what you both need to see what you really want and allow the future to unfold in a clean way. If there is a chance of reconciliation, don’t go back just to feel secure, or to have someone. Promises of change need to have physical proof of work and changes being made, rather than just words. Watch to see if actions match the promises.
10. Avoid farewell sex. There is no point in having physical contact other than a hug or kiss goodbye. Having sex only brings the two of you together strengthening the ties rather than severing them. Why Relationships Fail
You may eventually be able to have a friendship with this person. However, don’t expect your romantic relationship to automatically become friendly. You both need time to heal. It may take years before they are ready, if ever. Allow them to do what is best for them.
Ending a relationship in a loving way allows peace between you rather than a battle. It is possible to remain conscious and loving through it all. Pets, children, and friends are often involved as well. A breakup can have a trickle down effect for months.
Jennifer is a healer and love coach that clears limiting beliefs, blocks and self-sabotage from the past so that you can have the life, love and happiness you desire. A healed healer herself, she helps others overcome anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, guilt, shame, insecurities that block you from having healthy relationships and happiness.