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By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
I’ve never been able to plan my life. I just lurch from indecision to indecision. Alan Rickman
When we attempt to make a decision and waver we are caught in an endless loop of procrastination. We put off making a decision because we can’t decide. We experience stress, guilt and even shame for not being able to choose. We are frozen in fear. Being indecisive causes procrastination and chaos.
The fear of making the wrong decision comes from unresolved emotions of the negative variety.
Perhaps one or both of your parents were domineering. You may have been prevented from making decisions on your own as a child. Insecurity is at the core of this issue. Without a strong inner authority, there is passivity. Strengthening your inner core through self-love is what is needed.
Imagine yourself as a young child. You are forced to choose between a toy you want very much and a less expensive toy. Your dominant parent stands over you demanding, “Make a decision and do it fast!” You realize that your parent wants you to either choose no toy at all or the less expensive one. You point fearfully at the
more expensive toy. Your parent rolls their eyes and reprimands you in an aggressive tone, “There is no way I am spending that much on a toy! Forget it!” Your parent grabs your hand and drags you unwittingly out of the store without any toy at all. You are crestfallen, writhing in intense feelings of guilt, anguish, and loss.
The painful experience created by our decision causes us to fear the consequences of making a decision. Childhood wounds create a program and resistance to fear the worst case scenario.
How To Stop Toxic Parenting
Whether the above example or something similar happened to you in your childhood, the reason you can’t make decisions and feel secure about your choice is due to events in your childhood. It could be you had a parent who bullied or was domineering.
Years later a strong inner critic runs the show. You are probably terrified to make a choice because it will inevitably be the wrong one causing you to feel guilty. You become frozen.
Years later a strong inner critic runs the show. You are probably terrified to make a choice because it will inevitably be the wrong one causing you to feel guilty. You become frozen.
My Personal Story
My personal experience involved five dollars and a concertina at a church basement bazaar. I remember the event as clearly as it was yesterday. My mother gave me the five dollar bill which was a huge deal for me and told me I could spend it as I wished.
We went to a church bazaar where she left me to wander around to see if there was anything I wanted. I had located a beautiful little concertina (a small squeezebox that played music). I was fascinated by this little musical instrument I cold hold in my hands. I had never had anything like it. I spent the entire time looking at it.
In retrospect it could have been the fact that it was a noise-maker, I’m not sure. I stood talking to the man, but in fear I would make a choice that would disappoint my mother. When the time came for me to make a final decision, my mother informed me in a very domineering way, “You couldn’t possibly want to spend all your money on that!” She pulled me away while my head spun around longingly at the man behind the table holding my concertina.
Resulting Trauma Into Adulthood
This event caused me deep trauma. I was given money and told I could have whatever I wanted. When I found what I wanted, my mother then told me I couldn’t have it. A looping thought was created in my brain that caused me to buy whatever I wanted as an adult.
I feel that this one event contributed to my shopping addiction later in life. When I wanted something, I just bought it to hell with the consequences, until I healed this aspect of myself.
Resulting Trauma Into Adulthood
This event caused me deep trauma. I was given money and told I could have whatever I wanted. When I found what I wanted, my mother then told me I couldn’t have it. A looping thought was created in my brain that caused me to buy whatever I wanted as an adult.
I feel that this one event contributed to my shopping addiction later in life. When I wanted something, I just bought it to hell with the consequences, until I healed this aspect of myself.
What Is The Worst That Will Happen?
Ask yourself the following questions:
- What is the consequence I am afraid of?
- What do I believe will happen when I make a decision?
- What is the meaning I associate with decision-making?
- What makes decision-making so uncomfortable for me?
- What am I resisting or running away from?
- What is underneath all of this?
- What is this issue teaching you about what you want?
Whatever We Resist Persists
If we continue to resist decision-making, it will never get easier. We have to change our behavior and find a way to make decisions feel more comfortable. Clearing the childhood pattern that created this pattern will help to move you forward and alleviate the problem. Hiring a coach to help build positive self-confidence will fast forward your process. It took me over thirty years to get there on my own.
Herbert Simon coined the phrase satisficing in 1956 that prioritized a satisfactory solution over an optimal solution. When we get stuck in what is the best option, we freeze.
Tips For Decision-Making
- Focus positively on what you want.
- Decide what criteria need to be met (X, Y, and Z).
- Once the criteria are met stop researching.
- Less is more! More information has been scientifically proven to cause you more angst and indecision.
- Know that you don’t have to find the optimal choice, instead, go for satisfactory.
- Simplify rather than complicate with too much information.
- The more you align your energy with what you want the faster you bring it to you.
- Even making no decision is a decision.
- You always have a choice.
- What feels the best for you?
- Trust your gut.
- Every choice we make brings us closer to what we want.
- You can’t make a wrong decision.
If you don’t choose for yourself, the universe will choose for you.
Your tough inner critic will condemn you no matter which way you turn. Quiet that inner voice by saying, “I don’t have to listen to you!” Trust your gut.The source of this issue is from feeling helpless and insecure. Focus on strengthening your confidence. Hire a love coach that gets you, and knows how to get you to HAPPY. Jennifer has been where you are and understands and intuits the root cause. Visit Jennifer’s website where you can sign up for her FREE newsletter, download her FREE APP with over 7 hours of sessions, energy clearings and even a hypnotherapy session for success!
Find Jennifer’s books on Amazon.com
Jennifer is currently writing her third book:
Happy Here, Happy Anywhere: The Step-By-Step Guide To Overcoming Anxiety, Depression, and Unhappiness Without A Prescription!
Jennifer is a healed healer. Certified as a Hypnotherapist with The National Guild of Hypnotherapy, An NLP Practioner and a Certified Life Coach.
