By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
In my love and happiness coaching, I see all kinds of behavior where women will do anything to try and keep a guy that is clearly not worthy and often not interested. I have done it in the past myself. When we attempt to manipulate, change, and hang onto someone by changing who we are or explaining bad behavior away there is no possible way this relationship can work.
Attempting to hang onto someone who is walking away makes you needy, clingy and very unattractive. Confidence is infinitely more attractive to a partner than neediness. A relationship will never work if you have the attitude that you will do whatever it takes to change yourself to keep another person. Being inauthentic will make you very unhappy and will destroy the relationship.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them! ~Maya Angelou
You Might Be Doing Cartwheels To Keep Them If:
- Thinking that if or when he gets off drugs or alcohol things will be better is putting your happiness on the backburner. You can’t make anyone want to give up their addiction. You may be addicted to love.
- You think your love will cure whatever is ailing the other; it never will.
- Explaining away bad behavior away is disrespectful to yourself. Love yourself enough to let someone who treats you badly go.
- You wish for things to be different. If you have thoughts like, “if only….. he would……” let him go. (This is true unless you have extremely high expectations of your relationship and partner.) Perfectionistic people tend to expect their partner to be perfect and no one is. We all have issues and faults. No relationship will ever be totally free of conflict. We are individuals with our own personalities and ways of doing things. No two people will be exactly the same. We have to allow each other to be true to ourselves.
- You don’t talk about what is bothering you. If you allow someone to treat you like a doormat walk all over your feelings, expect you to do everything to keep the relationship working without communicating your needs means you are doing cartwheels to keep them. Work on your self-esteem so that you stop allowing others to mistreat you. Until you do work on yourself you will continue to attract bad behavior because you allow yourself to be mistreated.
- You are a people pleaser. When you turn yourself inside out doing cartwheels to please someone else you will be unhappy with the outcome. You put your personal needs ahead of the relationship and the other person, which subjugates your happiness.
- Expect the other person to make you happy. Another person can’t fill the void within you. Looking for someone else to make you happy places too much responsibility on the other person and is an impossible no-win situation.