I remember the days when I attempted to fit in, longed for others to “like” me and felt uncomfortable in my skin. I worried about what people thought of me and often felt I was right when others had to be wrong. I “helped” others by fixing them or giving them suggestions on how they could be better.
Can you imagine?
Performing for a family member in my backyard
I was pretty but thought I was ugly. I hated my nose. I hated my teeth. I thought my thighs were too fat. I was jealous, insecure and oh so unhappy. I was jealous of the smart girls. I was jealous of the ones with the best boyfriends. I was jealous of the attention others got instead of me.
Though I was one of the popular girls in high school, a cheerleader and on the Athletic Council, an elected post, inside of my brain was a sea of negative mind chatter that gave me no peace and kept me awake at night.
It doesn’t matter what the immediate cause is; when we are filled with jealousy it is because of self-loathing and insecurities. What does matter is that we do something about it. I did. I set about to find out why I was sick all the time and to stop blaming others for the way I felt about myself. I was numb, uncomfortable, insecure, jealous, anxious, depressed and unhappy.
I didn’t consider myself a jealous person, but others did. JEM
I read every self-help book I could find beginning with Louise Hay You Can Heal Your Life. I tried traditional therapies and even took Prozac after a particularly messy and ugly divorce. The Prozac just made me not feel my feelings even more than I already did.
In spite of what I have heard some clients tell me, there is no side of jealousy that is healthy.
What Does Jealousy Mean?
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity.
Jealousy is from self-loathing a form of deep seated hatred.
Jealousy is anger.
Jealous is a sign of abuse.
Jealousy left unhealed will kill your relationships and leave you feeling wounded, broken and wronged. Yet, we are the ones with the unbridled envy.
Why We Feel Jealous
We have core beliefs that leave us feeling unworthy or not enough. We believe that others are better than us and we are lacking. Jealousy is a form of self-sabotage. The truth is we lack our love and acceptance.
How To Overcome Jealousy
1. Recognize that we are giving our personal power away.
2. Step back. Notice what story is playing in our mind. Shift your perspective.
3. Ask: Is this true? Am I imagining this?
4. Notice your emotions. Awareness changes everything.
5. Do something physical, like taking a power walk and allow the energy of the emotions to be released.
6. Notice core beliefs. What is under the feeling of jealousy?Is it that we don’t feel enough? Is it that we don’t feel loved?
7. Get quiet and turn inward to connect with our higher power. Meditation will help us faster than anything get the real truth.
8. Use a mantra to calm your mind and fill up with positive feelings.
I am enough.
I love me.
I am loved.
Jealousy is hatred and inner loathing with a core belief of not being good enough.