Do you complain? Do you regret what you have and haven’t done? Is your partner mean, abusive, addicted? Do you look to your friends to moan and complain about your life? I used to. I wanted others to pity me. I wanted to pour out my story of woe to those closest to me. Not anymore. I chose something different and you can too.
Following are real life examples of how we stay in situations hoping situations will change and waste our lives away. We might even feel like a victim and that we have no other choices.
Your father is diagnosed with cancer. You talk about wanting to visit him. He lives 5 hours away by plane. You can choose to visit him or talk about it for almost eighteen months. You second-guess your choices and don’t make a decision on a plane ticket. While your friends are visiting you get a text message that he had just passed away. At the wake, you complain that there aren’t more photos of you with him. You feel guilty that you didn’t have enough time with him. You beat yourself up after the fact for not going to see him when he was alive.
Your boyfriend (wife or husband) is an alcoholic. You complain to your best friends about their drinking, abuse, and horrible anger issues. Years pass and the weekends come and go; they are always the same, he/she was drunk and smelled like beer. He didn’t complement your dinner or your hair but you stayed.
Your mother is negative, cold, and shut down. You feel guilty for not doing enough for her or making her happy. You continue to supply your time, energy and life force attempting to make her happy. You might even end up with breast cancer from giving so much to others instead of taking care of yourself.
Your wife is a bitch. She demeans you, won’t have sex with you and might not even touch you at all. You talk to therapists, coaches, and others about how she treats you but nothing changes and you stay. You feel like a victim.
Or You Can Choose Something Different
Life is always showing us what is going on inside of us. If we complain about life we are part of the problem, not the solution. We might feel as if we have been victimized, but life’s events occur to teach us what we need to change inside ourselves for our world to be a happier better place.
If we stay in a situation that isn’t safe we need to get help for ourselves so that we feel empowered enough to be able to leave. If we don’t have the financial means to leave, we need to choose something different so that we can leave. At the very least, we could move to a shelter.
We always have a choice. If we live with an alcoholic or addict we are most likely codependent. We might be passive aggressive rather than facing our issues head on. Maybe we are avoiding our own addictions, like shopping, smoking pot, or eating. Or maybe we are addicted to our story.
Passive aggressive behavior is when we are too afraid to say what we are thinking and use a back-door method like sarcasm to get our point across or speak to someone else so that the person we really want to hear us (the secondary person) hears what we are saying to person number one).
Neither is healthy. We need help. We can’t make these types of changes on our own effectively. We need to change our behavior and our patterns and learn how to communicate in loving ways.
We attract what we are. If we arecodependent, we might attract an addict or alcoholic. If we are fearful we attract people that yell and are angry. All of these issues can be resolved through coaching with someone who has healed their codependency and addictions. Life can be a joy when we recognize we are worthy and deserving of a better life. We have to make changes internally for our external world to be better.
Living with regret is a terrible thing. We can always choose something better. We can choose to visit our father when he is ill rather than waiting to feel guilt after he’s gone. We can choose to go to AAA meetings or children of Alcoholics meetings to get help. Or we can hire a coach to guide us through the rough waters.
I have experienced most of the above situations myself, though I was inspired by several recent real life stories I have heard from others. Staying and complaining aren’t solutions, they are part of the problem.
We can’t make someone else change. We can, however, change our behavior. We can choose something better for ourselves.
When we feel good about ourselves and recognize we are already enough and deserving we begin to make healthier choices. Loving who we are, where we are is what unconditional love is all about. When we lovingly accept ourselves as we are life gets better. We attract people who treat us with the respect we deserve when we respect ourselves. The inner world is what attracts the outer world. Which is the meaning of “We create our own universe.” As above so below. As inside, so outside.
Allow me to help you make better choices. I guide professionals to
be better at their jobs and to find better solutions to conflict in their work environment. I also help men and women repair their relationships. I help singles feel better about themselves so that they attract better mates and jobs. The better we feel about