Yoni is the Sanskrit word for vagina. Whether women have had sexual trauma or not, Yoni massage helps to release emotions, sadness, and disappointment from past relationships but especially from suppressed sexuality.
I recently had a conversation with a gentleman who expressed sadness over the fact that his girlfriend couldn’t have her G-spot touched or massaged because she had stored hurt feelings from their breakup. Most women have emotional trauma stored in their bodies. The G-spot is a spongy and tender area until a gentle massage releases stored energy.
The goal of a yoni massage isn’t necessarily an orgasm. A yoni massage allows a woman to feel sacred, revered and loved. The practitioner needs to be fully connected to their heart to be effective as a coach and healer. As soon as a woman commits to having a yoni massage emotions begin to be released. In my experience, I began to cry days before out of the blue and became very teary the entire day of my yoni massage and felt raw and open afterward. Care must be taken for 24 hours afterward to avoid sex, kissing and additional emotional trauma. A woman is very open and susceptible to acquiring additional hurts during the three days after the experience of a yoni massage. Empty your bladder before experiencing the massage.
Set an Intention
An intention is set prior to touch beginning. What is it you want to accomplish for this sacred practice? Do you want to release pain, disappointment, sadness about childhood, and loss during adulthood? Have you had difficulty enjoying sex? Does orgasm elude you? Do you want to become more powerful and able to speak your truth? Whatever your intention is hold it in your heart and breathe. Fully embody your intention. Glossing over this part isn’t recommended. Intention helps to direct energy to assist in the release.
Meditation, breathing deeply into the body while squeezing the anal sphincter helps to awaken the kundalini which rests in the root chakra in the perineal region. Breathing helps to release stuck emotions and helps us to be present. We want to be fully present and aware during the experience. Many women who have had sexual trauma or fears about sex or partnership can disassociate during sex. Disassociation detracts from the full experience and can hinder connection to the self and partner.
For so many women inappropriate touch has occurred while we were young girls. Some women were spanked, touched inappropriately and traumatized emotionally. A yoni massage must have clear boundaries so that she feels protected and safe. Having firm boundaries before the massage begins helps both the receiver and the practitioner stay committed to those boundaries. A Tantra yoni massage session is only for the woman. It is not a time for the man or partner to receive pleasure. It is a one-way experience. The giver can have their experience another time.
When a woman feels safe she can relax and tap into what is happening during the entire experience. We are so programmed in our society to feel that when someone gives to us, we must return the favor. In a yoni massage a woman fully receives without having to focus on giving pleasure to the other person. Speaking of pleasure, a yoni massage might not feel like pleasure at all. My first one was painful and I cried the entire time. The result of it though helped me to be orgasmic, as I released so much trauma from my body. (I wrote about my experience with my first yoni massage in Orgasm For Life.)
- Look into the practitioner’s eyes.
- State what you want and don’t want to happen.
- No kissing.
- No intercourse.
- No return of favors.
- No giving back to the practitioner. This yoni massage is purely for her.
- Perhaps you get bladder infections easily, you might want to state clearly, “Please don’t touch or go near my anus.”
- Request that permission is sought before touch occurs of breasts, buttocks, vulva and introitus (opening of the vagina or yoni).
It is such a relief to be asked, “May I touch your breasts.” Asking before touching the yoni, labia or introitus allows her to feel safe and protected.
After reflection in meditation, awakening the kundalini and setting an intention, setting boundaries, the next step is full body massage. Massage helps a woman get grounded in her body. It sounds strange, yet most women aren’t grounded fully in their physical body. Begin with the woman naked lying on clean soft sheets on a massage table or floor. You don’t want to be in bed for this experience but rather on top of it. Cover the bedding with a towel and sheet to protect from oil.
Using organic coconut or your favorite massage oil gently but firmly massage her shoulders, upper back, arms, fingers, small of her back, buttocks and legs all the way down to her toes. We hold resentment in the buttocks, and emotional pain in the sitz bones. Gently push in and hold, asking her to breathe deeply when you encounter physical pain. Avoid touching her vulva and anus during the massage. The massage is to allow her to relax and feel safe. She needs to know that nothing she is being revered, loved and regarded as sacred. Take time to fully stimulate all areas of her body so she is completely grounded. The massage needs to be relaxing, not rushed through. When each part of her has been massaged and she is breathing deeply, ask her to turn over onto her back. Once she is on her back, look into her eyes, keep your eyes on hers at all times and tell her how beautiful she is.
Massage her neck, shoulders and ask to touch her breasts. If she doesn’t want them touched, move on. The massage should last twenty to thirty minutes or more. Anything less is rushing.
Her Beautiful Sacred Yoni
Before touching her yoni massage her mons and look at her with reverence. Tell her how beautiful her yoni is. Remember this practice is for her to feel revered, loved and beautiful. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings twice as many as a man’s penis. Massage the clitoris, pat, stroke and use different pressure. All heavy, or all light won’t give her the delight that changing the pressure does. Ask her if you can touch her clitoris and beginning to massage, stroke and love it up. Continue massaging her clitoris as you massage her labia and inner lips. Use organic lubricant before touching the introitus. Make sure you are well lubed before inserting a finger slightly inside the yoni opening (introitus).
Remember we are waking up areas that have been asleep her entire lifetime, so move slowly. Ask her to stay with you if she keeps closing her eyes. She may have her eyes closed about fifty percent of the time. The yoni needs gentle movement until the G-spot becomes swollen and engorged which may take up to twenty minutes. The G-spot is on the upper wall of the yoni and has a ribbed texture like a washboard might have. The G-spot can be painful to touch in the beginning, so gently massage rather than poke. Some women do not experience any pleasure at all from their first yoni massage, that’s okay. Releasing painful trauma and emotions is the focus.
Use different movements of the middle finger curved upward like tapping, gentle pressure, crescent shapes and circular motion. Use gentle pressure and ask her to breathe. Holding the breath does not allow the release of pain or trauma. Keep a timer and stay within an hour and a half to two hours for the entire massage experience. Be okay with whatever comes up, tears are good, yelling might occur and that’s okay too. Each person is different be open to whatever happens for you. The process of a yoni massage is healing rather than orgasm. Some women do not get close to experiencing an orgasm, where others may more easily. There is no shame in crying. Releasing shame and guilt can be your greatest gift during this sacred healing process. For more information read Orgasm For Life .