How We Create Problems For Ourselves Assuming We Know Better

Being intuitive can have its drawbacks. When we intuit other’s feelings we often think that we know what someone is thinking or feeling and make assumptions based on intuition. Three times in two days this subject came up which made me recognize that my assumptions were wrong.

In the dating world, we might sit down across the table from another person and make assumptions based on what they say in conversation. We easily jump to conclusions because of our past history. If we have been in a relationship with an alcoholic, for example, having a martini on a date might wave red flags for us. What if they are in a workplace where a drink at the end of the week is part of their community? What if we drop someone who could be a wonderful partner for us before we know all the facts?

Perhaps we have an encounter with someone who has a type of mental disability or challenge, like Asperger’s Syndrome. They might overreact to something we say or emit signals that make us feel unsafe when it is them that was afraid of us? Until we sit down, get vulnerable with the other person we can easily make assumptions that could ruin a friendship or business relationship.

The truth is that we all have past trauma. We can’t completely understand what is happening with another person unless we could physically climb into their body and skin. It sounds weird, but think about it this way, we are making assumptions based on our programming and unconscious triggers rather than asking for deeper understanding. Questions are something we don’t ask when we are codependent, afraid or had trauma in our past.

Love Could Be Right In Front Of YOU!

Jumping to conclusions with a date can mean that we end it before we have all the facts. Ghosting our date without asking them for verification or giving the relationship time to develop naturally could mean we miss out on something wonderful and maybe exactly what we need right now. When we have evolved beyond co-dependency we begin to attract people who are not our mirrors. We might feel we need someone who does what we do or thinks how we think yet the other might be very evolved in different ways that support our growth to a higher vibration. Being with someone who is a clone of us could end up being very dull and keep us stuck where we are.

Asking questions of the other gives us insight into how they process information. When we make assumptions we are coming from a limited perspective that closes doors to new opportunities. We need a variety of relationships close friends, acquaintances, lovers to be supported in our growth. Not everyone will be with us forever, just maybe for the time we need them. If someone is showing up in your life and you have challenges with them right now, it is because it is something we need to look at, rather than blame the other for causing. What old pattern of behavior is surfacing that needs to be healed? Running away by moving or divorcing doesn’t solve the issue or heal it. We have to stand where we are and ask, “What is it that I am afraid of? Am I afraid of being vulnerable with this person? Am I afraid they will hurt me? Do I feel that they wronged me? What do they feel? How could I solve this issue by beginning with, “I’m sorry that I made assumptions about you.” You will be amazed at how an apology even when you don’t feel that you are in the wrong can open the door to a greater intimacy and vulnerability in all areas of our lives. We can’t have a deeply connected relationship when we don’t stop moving long enough to do so. Running away figuratively from the situation never solves it.

Remember the line, “Stand and deliver!” Since the 16th century the line Stand and Deliver has been used when highwaymen robbed coaches along the King’s highway. It was used in Shakespeare’s Two Gentleman of Verona, “Stand sir, and throw us that you have about’ye.” Stand and deliver and discover what is inside you. The growth and expansion we receive when we express gratitude to the other person for showing us what was inside us so we can heal it is profound. Running away isn’t the answer. 


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