Happiness
3 Ways We Sabotage Happiness
Sep
If you are anything like me, and many of my clients we inadvertently sabotage ourselves. We don’t realize that our unconscious programming from long ago is running the show. I would like to share Susan’s story that illustrates how programs and blocks are created in our childhood. Susan is a new client who found me on Yelp just as I was moving out of Santa Clarita. We met in person and Susan decided on the spot to begin working with me.
Susan gave me permission to share her story ( I have changed her name to protect her identity.) Susan was battling obesity, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and unhappiness. It seemed very little in her life was working the way she wanted it to. In her workplace, she was the go-to person where everyone dumped their negativity. Known as a peace-maker and sensitive she was constantly caught in the middle of altercations where both sides shared their tale of woe and then expected her support. The gossip in her place of work and negativity towards one another was challenging for someone who didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Susan often felt guilty and anxious from the work environment which caused her to eat. Susan said she was numb.
Susan was unable to speak up for herself as the words were caught in her throat. She worried about being verbally bashed by her co-workers. The stress of her workplace and toxicity of the environment caused her to eat stuffing her emotions and words. Bread and fried chicken were her go-to comfort foods. Fast foods, cookies, chocolate croissants (who doesn’t love cookies and chocolate croissants?) were easy and quick so they were a large part of Susan’s diet. Both her parents were very heavy and consumed a carbohydrate-rich meal plan.
Susan’s goals were to change her negative inner dialogue, tremendous guilt and suicidal ideation, achieve happiness and to lose half her body-weight.
Susan’s predominant thoughts were:
- I am not good enough.
- I am not going to succeed.
- I should be further ahead by now.
- I am stupid.
- I am lazy.
Susan is none of these things in reality. However what we focus on and think about is what we create. In our second session together I zeroed in on her core beliefs that rocked her world in a very negative way. Before I tell you what I discovered in our second session, let me share how Susan got here. Her story is profound you may relate in many ways to the things that were said and done that created anxiety, a sense of abandonment and being unlovable. Can these core beliefs be changed? Absolutely!
When Susan was just seven years old her parents gathered the entire family together and told them what their plan was. They lived on an island in the Caribbean where there wasn’t much work. Since Susan’s mother had U.S. citizenship they decided that she would return stateside and work there until she made enough money to bring the entire family to California. Susan was extremely close to her mother. The idea of her mother leaving terrified her. She was only seven and didn’t understand her parent’s explanation of why their mother was leaving. Neighbors, family, and friends told her how lucky she was to have her parents sacrifice so much for their family. Susan felt lied to and cheated. She didn’t understand why her mother must leave her and her siblings with her father.
When it came time for Susan’s mother to leave they drove to the airport her little heart was breaking! Susan began to cry. She felt sad, trapped, and insecure. Her father told her, “Don’t be sad. Smile, stop crying or you’ll upset your mother! We don’t want your mother to know how upset you are or she’ll feel bad.” The message learned early was that Susan’s feelings were not important. She was to fake it and not allow anyone to see her true feelings. She was told to swallow those feelings down. After Susan’s mother left on the airplane she began to weep. Her father told her to stop crying. Stifling her sorrow, grief and sadness caused her to swallow them down which left her throat closed up and unable to express herself honestly. You may be able to relate if your parents told you, “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!”
When Susan recounted her story to me she said her heart was so heavy and her throat was almost always filled with a huge lump that closed more and more she needed to push it down with food to have any relief.
How Susan Manifested Obesity, Depression, Anxiety, and Numbness
Susan couldn’t tell anyone the truth of how she felt because no one wanted to hear it. She had to lie to herself to make herself smile in the face of the heartbreak of losing the person closest to her, her mother. For five years Susan’s mother worked in the United States returning only for a month in the summer and two weeks at Christmas. To this day, Susan could not express how she truly felt with anyone. Suppressing her feelings for so many years and eating her emotions caused her to feel numb. The depression and anxiety were caused by her internal anger she was not allowed to express about her mother abandoning her when she was seven years old. Susan wasn’t being true to herself. She was placating everyone around her.
In Susan’s first session, some of what was removed was suicide ideation, lifetimes of suicide, abandonment, love unreceived, unworthy, unworthiness, horror, shock, insignificance, anger, sorrow, grief, guilt, sadness and attachments. She felt better, but in the second session, when I got to the core or root of her issues she felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders.
The Core Issues
When Susan explained to me the words that her family members and neighbors said to her to try to “help her,” I heard the Truth come through as I channeled the information. The well-meaning family and neighbors said, “You are so lucky to have parents that would do this for you!” The information I heard was the following:
“If this is what it means to be lucky, I don’t want anything to do with luck!”
Susan’s unconscious mind created the limiting belief (false belief) that LUCK WAS BAD. LUCK HURT. LUCK ISN’T GOOD! Her unconscious mind carried the programmed belief that luck wasn’t something she wanted or needed. Luck was unsafe for her. The same was true of happiness. Her father told her to smile, be happy and hide her feelings. She learned early on that her feelings were not valid and not important. Susan had spent her entire life faking being happy. A lifetime of ignoring our true feelings leaves us feeling we don’t count, that our feelings don’t matter. Faking happiness left her feeling disconnected, miserable and numb.
3 Ways We Sabotage Happiness
- The unconscious mind creates false beliefs to protect us.
- The unconscious mind and the conscious mind must be in agreement to have what you consciously desire.
- The unconscious mind protects us by governing us with the limiting (false) beliefs. Beliefs GOVERN our lives.
MINDSET:
It doesn’t matter how much we desire to have something
if our unconscious beliefs and conscious mind don’t agree
we will not get what we prefer.
Just because our unconscious mind believes something doesn’t make it so. Often like Susan, we believe something that doesn’t support us and in fact cuts us off at the knees, crippling our emotional happiness until they are cleared.
How To Get What You Desire Easily
Susan is continuing work with me but is already feeling so much lighter and able to cope. I gave her mantras to repeat in the background of her mind at work when her co-workers attempt to flame throw negativity at her. She told me they were working beautifully. Everyone has some sort of trauma to heal. The truth is that the pain is the catalyst for our growth. We are not meant to stay stuck or wallow in the suffering. Each of us deserves to be happy. Clearing away the limiting beliefs that govern us opens the doors to greater happiness than we ever imagined.
We must do mindset work to be able to get what we want. Our limiting beliefs must be removed that sabotage us. Removing, transmuting and transforming these beliefs that sabotage us is a large part of the work I do in my sessions with my clients. I am opening up a group coaching program for a limited time. If you are ready to receive what you know you deserve on a limited budget, you might be interested in my Zoom coaching group. Zoom coaching is done on camera where you get to see me, ask your questions and have live coaching done in a group format. When someone asks a question, everyone benefits. You can send me an e-mail for more information. This group begins October 3rd, 2018 and runs for six weeks. Space is limited so take advantage of this early bird pricing. Or sign up here:
I did this healing alone, but you don’t have to. It took me over thirty years to recover and heal depression, anxiety, Fibromyalgia, auto-immune disease, serious health issues. Now I use what I learned to help others transform their lives. If you are ready to discover how my work can help you and are ready to commit time, energy and money to your healing let’s schedule a free get acquainted call so I can hear about your challenges and see if you are a good fit for my work.
