We may have been emotionally abandoned as children, however, the worst abandonment of all is that we do to ourselves.
Attempting to please others, looking for kudos for the love we give or what we do will never fulfill us emotionally. What is missing is the loving acceptance that self-love brings.
We don’t realize that people-pleasing is a manipulation for love. We are really wanting the other person to give back to us what we are so willingly giving to them. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. People-pleasing has a dark side, one we don’t recognize when we are giving so freely.
We Just Want To Be Loved
Everyone deserves love. We long for it and will do just about anything for those around us to give love back to us. Kindness, compassion, to tell us that we are beautiful, that’s what we want. It’s simple, isn’t it?
What’s Wrong With People-Pleasing and Giving To Others?
The problem is that when we don’t love ourselves we look to others to fill us up. We want to be accepted, told we did a good job, made a great dinner or created a fantastic course. Looking for validation, acceptance and complements falls on deaf ears when we don’t do it for ourselves. We won’t believe someone else when they tell us if we don’t first love ourselves.
We Keep Going Back To The Well
We keep going back to the well, again and again, expecting them to be different. Whether it is an old boyfriend or girlfriend who cheated and then played the push-pull game wanting us back after they realized what they had, or the mother that is never happy the impact on us is the same. We get nothing in return.
We Need To Love Ourselves Enough For Two
The narcissist will never be able to give us what we need. The alcoholic or addict will always find fault with us because that is all they see in themselves. They are emotionally bankrupt. It doesn’t mean we have to stay there. We can choose something different. We can give love to ourselves so that we feel full and complete on our own, without outer validation from another person.
Set An Intention
Intend to love yourself completely, enough for two. Focus on being kind to yourself. Nurture you. Take care of yourself. Love you. Set an intention to love yourself no matter what other people say. Not everyone will like you. That’s okay. We still need to be happy with ourselves no matter what others think of us.
“I intend to be happy and loving to myself no matter what others think of me!”