Toxic people are everywhere. A toxic person may be a narcissist, a psychopath, or have Borderline Personality Disorder. They might be a parent, a grandparent, a sibling, child, spouse, lover, or employer. Learning how to distance yourself from the toxic person emotionally is the first step in empowerment and healing.
My Personal Experience
I have dealt with narcissism from the moment I came out of the birth canal. I have learned valuable experience and wisdom, not theory.
My mother is a narcissist. Due to narcissistic programming, I also paired with and attracted several other narcissists without knowing it at the time and married them! You could say I was indoctrinated by narcissism. Through my personal process of self-discovery and healing, I have learned a great deal about narcissists and how best to deal with them.
What Is Trauma?
Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. Trauma can involve a physical injury, a slap, punch, rape, or sexual assault. Trauma can leave you feeling as if you have been physically beaten up due to disturbing negative emotions when the abuser never physically touched you at all.
Your self-esteem can be shattered or challenged by a toxic person. You may have spent a lifetime trying to fix things, buying flowers, gifts and doing tasks for them so that they would be happy. The truth is you cannot fix a narcissist or a psychopath. They don’t feel there is anything wrong with them. You are the problem in the toxic person’s eyes.
- There is a bright side look at how this situation can serve you?
- Narcissists and toxic people help us grow.
- They expose our vulnerabilities and difficulties.
- Help you uncover your power
- Allow you to discover more positive attributes of yourself
- Illuminate your magnificence
- Remain calm in the face of shaming and volatility
Toxic People Do The Following:
- Expose us
- demean, shame criticize
- project their issues onto you
- blame you for what they have done
- will never apologize
- are unable to take responsibility for their part
- cannot feel compassion or empathy
- leave a wake of destruction behind them
- they feel vindicated when all is said and done
8 Steps To Handle Trauma
- Have the courage to face your vulnerability
- Breathe and continue breathing through the event
- Stay present
- Tap into your internal power to become more effective
- Develop into a version of yourself that is out of the box
- Stand firm (on the other side)
- Become immune to narcissism
- Learn new skills to be immune to toxic abuse
Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
We tend to be so concerned about our comfort that we will do anything to get back to that place of comfort again. WRONG! Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Growth happens when we are uncomfortable, not when we are complacent. Many people decide to placate the narcissist which feeds their need for attention and admiration.
The meanest side of the narcissist is revealed when you remove their supply. They want your devotion, admiration, and attention.
Whatever You Do
Do not dim your light or diminish who you are to make the narcissist happy. If you do, you will find yourself back in this exact place all over again tomorrow.
Back away, back away from the narcissist. Withdraw your troops and attention. Don’t text or call.
- Do not reduce who you are to please them. You have already come a long way.
- Do not allow yourself to backtrack.
- Do not attempt to compromise your sense of self
- Remember your wants and needs are not important to them
- Watch how they treat others when not on “center stage”
- See them for who they are (liars, cheaters, manipulators, abusers)
- Take time for yourself and remember its not your job to fix them
- If you must deal with the narcissist do not show how flustered you are
- Be abundantly clear about your boundaries (even though they will likely attempt to cross them)
- Don’t accept blame to keep the peace
- Insist on immediate action
- Expect them to push back
- Remember it’s not your fault
- Find a support system
Get The Help You Need
Overcoming the programming of a narcissist can take a lifetime on our own. Book your FREE Discovery Call to find out how Jennifer can help you recover and get your life back. Remember KNOW THYSELF and love who you are!