The Emotional Makeup Of The Narcissistic Mother

Mothers are our first touch with love. When our mother bonds with us, she smiles at us, feels connected and bathes us in love as if it is a warm and soft fleece blanket. A narcissistic mother is unable to bond or connect heart-to-heart with us. Without the deep bonding from a warm and loving mother we are unable to grow into healthy balanced and successful adults. As a consequence, our relationships suffer due to insecurities and deep abandonment issues.

Understanding What You Are Dealing With

Until we understand what we are dealing with from our past, we cannot resolve the need for validation, or the huge hole we feel that lies deep inside of us. Awareness shines the light onto these issues allowing resolution, healing and transformation to occur.

Narcissists are often charming, charismatic, and attractive on the outside. Inside however, their insecurities and mental instability abound.

Characteristics of The Narcissistic Mother

  • perfectionistic
  • needing adoration and to be lauded for whatever they do
  • they are needy insecure
  • unstable fly off the handle at a moment’s notice (going from zero to incendiary in seconds)
  • meddlesome
  • critical
  • cruel
  • codependent
  • emotionally immature (act like a 12-year-old emotionally)
  • possessive
  • have no boundaries
  • rude and hurtful without concern for other’s feelings
  • have ridiculously high expectations of their children
  • are jealous of their children’s successes or fortune
  • will criticize their children’s spouses until you divorce them, then become “best friends with your ex.
  • deny their off-spring independent self-hood destroying self-esteem and a sense of individuality
  • want what others have to a ridiculous degree
  • live through their children, as if they are an extension of themselves
  • will not take responsibility

When Did I Discover The Truth?

My little brother and I always knew she was unstable and volatile. Though she didn’t drink she used migraines to control our family. Our entire household walked around on eggshells looking around every corner furtively wondering which side of her personality would show up next? Heaven forbid you forgot a birthday or Mother’s Day! There was hell to pay and my father bore the brunt of it being shut out of intimacy and even decency. My youngest brother, remarked to me one day on the phone, “Well we always thought she was crazy we just never knew what type of crazy it was!”

My Father strangely loved her. To a certain extent, I understand. She was and still is a beautiful woman, even approaching the hundred, year mark. However, he constantly talked to us quietly out of earshot, “To keep peace in the family you must ____________________.” (break up with that boy, get your hair cut short so as not to compete with her, and keep your mouth shut!” Weirdly, he never ever saw her naked during their entire married life of 49+years.

I wrote my memoir in 2011. Shortly after the launch of my book, Odyssey Victim To Victory, my mother attempted to sue me. She said the book was a lie. Of course, it was. She thought of herself as perfect, beyond reproach, and a wonderful person. My response was, “You cannot sue for the truth, mother!”

I always thought my mother had Borderline Personality Disorder. After coaching for about six years, it became obvious to me just what my mother was. Entitled, arrogant, and narcissistic. I also began to notice that nearly all my clients had narcissistic mothers, most of which also had been molested. My foundational program Love Yourself Fearlessly is my Signature course. It had not been my focus hitherto, but it was evident that I needed to narrow my niche.

Violent Mood Swings

If one of us kids did something that upset her and that could be doing as we were told, but if that action meant she was embarrassed by us fulfilling her directive, we were then blamed and told she never told us to do that! Case in point, as a teenager and the only girl in the family, I was menstruating. She told me to empty the trash can from the common bathroom into the living room fireplace, as she was having a group of ladies over for the evening. I begged her not to make me do it. I asked, “Couldn’t I just empty it in the trash can in the kitchen and take out the trash?” She screamed at me, “Do as you are told!” I sensed this was going to end badly for me. I dutifully dumped the contents of the trash can into the fireplace.

A Tupperware Party From Hell

After the ladies left, I was beaten and berated for dumping my trash insolently into the living room fireplace. The very thing we are told to do is what we are then blamed for doing. As a child this inconsistency creates inconsistency in us. We have issues trusting ourselves, making decisions and feeling good enough. Everything our narcissistic parent (partner) does is to make us feel confused and exhausted. We are much easier to control when we are exhausted. We lack the internal strength to fight them. Without empowerment and self-esteem we are controlled by guilt, shame and the constant threat of abandonment.

  • blame
  • can easily dish out criticism but never can take it!

It took me years of self-discovery and introspection to heal and find joy and happiness just being me. You don’t have to go it alone, like me. You can book your FREE transformation blueprint call here and get the support and help you need right now!

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