Triggers The Narcissist Uses To Manipulate You

Narcissists all follow the same patterns in relationships: idealize, devalue, discard.

The first stage is love-bombing. Love bombing occurs when you first reunite with a parent, or lover. The love-bombing is temporary and cannot continue for long. I have witnessed people with the ability to hide their sinister side for nearly two years. In my mother’s case the love-bombing or best behavior only lasts for forty-eight hours max.


Devaluing is what narcissists do to keep us down. If you are feeling particularly happy and successful, the narcissist will find ways to cut you down very quickly so that you feel unvalued, unworthy and not good enough. This method of devaluing keeps you feeling weak and small so that they (the narcissist) feels important and better than you.

They Love It When You Are Triggered and Upset

When you are devalued, triggered and upset the narcissist feels recharged and powerful. The more upset you are the better the narcissist feels. The way to overcome this is to remain calm and compassionate. The more love you have for yourself, the better able you are to handle whatever the narcissist throws your way.


As an intuitive and healer, I have healed skin cancer on my nose in 24-hours, receding gums that I was told would never heal, Fibromyalgia, anxiety, depression, suicide ideation, as well as trapped emotions, negativity, spiraling thoughts, heartbreak, abandonment, for myself and thousands of clients. The trigger my mother uses on me? “You’re not a doctor!” What is she doing when she uses this trigger? Devaluing. She is making herself feel bigger while attempting to make me feel small.

Narcissists have a knack for zeroing in on our most tender spots pushing or poking us. Below are a few triggers that may be in evidence for you.

  • You’re late!
  • I never asked you to do that!
  • You don’t need to bring me anything.
  • Your brother/sister always does ________ for me.

These triggers are used to make you feel sorry for them or to upset you. The narcissist loves to play the victim, even when they are strong and vital. They play up their weaknesses and down their strengths to illicit sympathy from you. The following are the types of triggers they use to get a certain type of response from you.

The Selfish Trigger – focusing on what you can do for them

The Fear Trigger – causing you to feel afraid (of losing them/ abandonment)

The Appeal Trigger – playing upon your sympathies for them

The Guilt Trigger – causing you to feel guilty

The Denial Trigger – causing you to deny your needs, desires, physical or mental issues (like depression) and even who you are.

The Bargaining Trigger – offering you something you might want in order to get you to do something that they want you to do.

These triggers are all tools that the narcissist uses to gain control and get their needs met. Everyone has needs however, the narcissist uses passive aggressive means to get what they need rather than asking directly for what it is they want or need.

For those of you who have worked with me or follow my videos and blogs, you know that my mother is a narcissist. There has been a steady learning curve of understanding the way things work with a narcissistic mother or parent. With daughters of narcissists we are traumatized early with criticism for everything we do that touts independence or success. From our education to the careers we select and the specialties we choose. If it means something to you, the narcissistic mother will discredit, discount and derail in every way possible.

Though the narcissist may be elegantly clad, or look handsome or beautiful, they are mean, cruel, spiteful, competitive, bitchy, Queenly, critical, rude, without Grace or gratitude. Other descriptors are vindictive, egotistical, and judgmental.

You Gain From My Personal Journey

Through the course of our lives, with deep introspection and awareness we can uncover the subconscious programming that undermines our self-esteem and success from childhood. I have spent over thirty-six years learning and compiling information to help you gain clarity and heal your past trauma.

My Mother Turned 100!

This year my mother turned 100. What I discovered after a four-year absence from Canada and my mother is that I now have tremendous compassion for my mother and I have healed all my triggers. In other words, it is possible to feel love for the parents that hurt and harmed us when we completely love and accept ourselves. This video is an interview with my mother right before her 100th birthday.

Healing Is Possible When You Know How

We know we will never forget the past completely, however, it doesn’t play such a huge part in our day-to-day lives as it used to. We can feel intense joy, love and vulnerability. We can have deep intimacy when we are intimately versed in who we are and what we stand for. The energy clearings that you receive are a higher vibration because of the amount of density I have worked through. In other words, because I have healed my trauma, I am much better able to help you heal yours. I see what’s in the way, bringing awareness to the density as it is transformed and eliminated!

Interview With My 100 Year old Mother

On a positive note, my mother is elegant, classy, and well dressed. She looks and is fabulous for her age. She looks twenty years younger than her chronological age and is stronger than you could image both physically and emotionally.

As with all narcissists, my mother’s greatest concern is that she will continue to find those who adore and laud her with praise on a daily basis, rather than see who she really is as if she was a queen sitting on a throne being fanned with palm leaves.

Compassion and Love

Narcissistic people have experienced deep trauma in childhood, usually in some form of abandonment or a lack of presence from their caregivers or parents. In my mother’s case she was an orphan by the age of five. Imagine how you would feel if you didn’t have a mother or father to love or hug you and tell you how wonderful you are. We all need and deserve love.

For those who didn’t receive what they needed in childhood we may spend a lifetime feeling lost, lonely and fear abandonment. Unconditional love means to love them no matter what. I am not the type of coach that encourages hate or returning the abuse to the abuser.

Compassion for ourselves and the other is what we need. We all need to be loved.

When Did I Discover The Truth?

My little brother and I always knew she was unstable and volatile. Though she didn’t drink she used migraines to control our family. Our entire household walked around on eggshells looking around every corner furtively wondering which side of her personality would show up next? Heaven forbid you forgot a birthday or Mother’s Day! There was hell to pay and my father bore the brunt of it being shut out of intimacy and even decency. My youngest brother, Christopher remarked to me one day on the phone, “Well we always thought she was crazy we just never knew what type of crazy it was!”

My Father strangely loved her. To a certain extent, I understand. She was and still is a beautiful woman, even approaching the hundred, year mark. However, he constantly talked to us quietly out of earshot, “To keep peace in the family you must ____________________.” (break up with that boy, get your hair cut short so as not to compete with her, and keep your mouth shut!” Weirdly, he never ever saw her naked during their entire married life of 49+years.

I wrote my memoir in 2011. Shortly after the launch of my book, Odyssey Victim To Victory, my mother attempted to sue me. She said the book was a lie. Of course, it was. She thought of herself as perfect, beyond reproach, and a wonderful person. My response was, “You cannot sue for the truth, mother!”

I always thought my mother had Borderline Personality Disorder. After coaching for about six years, it became obvious to me just what my mother was. Entitled, arrogant, and narcissistic. I also began to notice that nearly all my clients had narcissistic mothers, most of which also had been molested. My foundational program Love Yourself Fearlessly is my Signature course.

If you are looking to be happy, self-assured, confident in all your relationships and comfortable in your own skin, you’ve come to the right place. As someone that was formerly sickly, felt unworthy and not good enough, I have tremendous compassion for you and where you have been on this journey called life.

Book your session here. Start here with a transformation blueprint call and discover how wonderful life can be with a healed open loving heart and joy just being you!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Enjoy this blog? Spread the word :)