If you have read my recent book, you are aware of the personal experiences I shared with my readers. My own passionate affairs have been learning lessons for me about myself, men and sex. If you are looking for more passion in your relationship, Orgasm For Life will certainly ignite the flames of passion for you. I recently was reunited with an old flame. (I use the term “old” loosely.)
I had a very hot, passionate, relationship with Bill 40 years ago. Many of us have love affairs with people that end abruptly or never flourish into anything long-lasting. This was one of those. We may think about these people, wondering what are they are doing now? I certainly did. Looking at my life in retrospect, as well as writing OFL, I thought back to my affair with this man. A friend who is still a flight attendant for Air Canada, happened to fly with my past flame, Bill. He asked if she had heard from me recently. Joan let Bill know I would be in Toronto the very next week. This is my experience of wonderment, insight and rekindled passion. I was reunited with my former flame.
It all started when I was a young flight attendant with Air Canada. Married before my 19th birthday, to get out of my home environment, I was naive and emotionally immature. I loved to travel, then as I do now. When we first graduated from our training course, most of the English speaking flight attendant graduates were based in Montreal. That was where I met Bill. We worked together on several overseas and domestic flights. We flew several flight legs together and had a lot of fun. He was an in-charge Purser on my flight. He was handsome, sexy and very flirtatious. There was certainly a spark between us. Maybe he was attracted to me because I was unavailable. Maybe I was attracted to him because he was forbidden fruit. All of these issues played a part of making our meeting much more memorable and our affair so freaking hot!
As a reserve, or on-call flight attendant, I did not have a regular schedule. Neither did Bill. He had an “in” with crew scheduling. The guys that scheduled our flights liked him often pairing Bill with women he wanted to schtoop. Of course, I thought I was the only one. I never even considered asking to fly with anyone else. All this was very new to me.
We began flying to exotic places, Jamaica, Paris, London. We made love under the Eiffel tower. He cupped my face in his hand when he kissed me. His kisses were deep, sensual and passionate. He whispered my name in my ear, and pulled me into him. I had never experienced this kind of passion before.
Bill was the first man I made love with that made sex fun for me. Prior to this, I thought sex was serious business, not something you could have fun doing. We broke the back of his sofa in his living room, falling onto the floor in peels of laughter. We had so much fun together. There was a dark side to our affair, an undercurrent of disrespect, that I didn’t perceive until much later. Back then, I had no boundaries or respect for myself. I was totally enmeshed in our relationship. I was a pushover. This was the old, unevolved me. I was a people-pleaser back then.
After my divorce, our affair ended. Bill had some strong principles. He did not want to be named as the cause of my divorce. I did exactly that. I used his name in my legal proceedings. It was a time in Canada when there had to be a reason for your divorce. I could have waited the required year or two, but I was impetuous. An affair was just-cause for divorce. Was I trying to test him? Was I just looking for a way out of my marriage? I did not expect what happened next. Bill cut me out of his life. Just like that, it was over. I was devastated. I ended my marriage to be with him. Did I have it all wrong?
Fast forward to 2012. My Air Canada flight attendant friend, Joan asked if Bill could have my e-mail address. I told her it would be okay to give it to him. He e-mailed me photos of his boys and told me what was going on in his life in his typical truncated form. He was recently divorced after a 30 year marriage. He omitted the reasons why. Our communication was sporadic until he learned I was traveling to Toronto after December 28th, 2014. After five or six short e-mails, we met at a Tim Horton’s donut shop near my mother’s home. I had been working there using the Internet. Bill misunderstood my reason for being at Tim Horton’s. He thought I had a job selling donuts. Bill mentioned in his e-mail he had fantasized about licking confectioner’s sugar off my uniform. He joked that he was disappointed I was not in a Tim Horton’s uniform.
My laptop battery died while I was writing my blog. I sat waiting Bill’s arrival wondering if I would recognize him. He certainly did
not see me at first. He left the coffee shop, returning to his car for his phone to see if he was in the right place. I stuck my head around the corner and called out to him.
Bill looked at me with a pleasant surprise smiling. His hair was quite a few shades lighter and shorter, now almost completely gray. He had gained a few pounds and had a sadness about him that was evident to me. He was happy to see me, but it was the underlying feeling that he emitted. He commented that the years had been kinder to me, than him. He worked hard, saved well and was financially secure.
Bill was excited to show me his new town home he had just purchased near the airport. Placing the pictorial flyer on the table, he pointed out the details of each floor from the drive-in garage up. It was a beautiful four-story home equipped very proudly with his own elevator. When I attempted to change the subject toward more heartfelt matters, he brought us back to his home. He wanted me to see every detail of his new home. It seemed important to him.
Bill joined me at my table, sitting very close with his legs comfortably on either side of mine. He held me close to him while we talked, instantaneously intimate. I would not have felt comfortable with a stranger sitting like this. It was as if no time had passed at all and we were back in the 70’s again. It felt like old times in many ways. We were completely comfortable with each other as if no time had passed at all.
I mentioned that this was my last day visiting my mother, and I had been sitting for hours using the Internet working. I felt it was time to return to let her know what had just transpired. Bill offered lunch and flowers for my mother. We walked to the nearby grocery store, chatting animatedly all the while. I picked out a modest bouquet, he recommended a larger one. I stayed with the smaller bouquet. With the flowers in tow, Bill climbed into the passenger’s side of my mother’s Malibu. In minutes we had arrived at my mother’s condo. We knocked at the door and surprised my mother. I knew she did not remember Bill. After all, I probably kept Bill a secret anyway. I was not surprised. We waited while mom got changed.
We had difficulty finding a restaurant that was open on a Sunday in this little town. The only one we could find was hosting a children’s birthday party. My mother had difficulty hearing our conversation over the din. I ordered Asian wings to share, eating salads while we talked. Bill was happy with my selection. After lunch, my mother felt we needed more time together, and decided to drive herself home. This surprised me. Bill asked if I would like to go for a drive and see my parent’s old place and the pool we had made love in. I knew what he was thinking. Those were fun times back then. I felt he was wondering if we could rekindle any of those feelings.
We drove through the snow covered dirt roads of Schomberg and Tottenham, Ontario. It was a beautiful sunny day. Bill talked and I listened. He told me about his sons. He caught me up on the past 40 years of moves, Air Canada travel to China, Bogota and his philosophy about work, retirement and money. He told me he would not retire. Many people who did retire from Air Canada, we both knew died within the first year. Retirement was not an option for either of us. I asked about his marriage.
We drove all around the beautiful countryside. Bill talked so much he began to choke and cough, especially when it came to his marriage. I asked him what he was doing to process his divorce. He asked me incredulously, “Process?” I explained, “working through the past events in order to release the past, heal and move on.” It was not in his frame of reference. I asked him about God and spirituality. Although both of us were not afraid of work, we thought very differently about life events and lessons. We were clearly miles apart in more than just domiciles.
I began to become sleepy and asked if we could go back to my mother’s. Bill parked in front of my mother’s home, I leaned forward in my bulky down coat to hug him goodbye. Instead, he cupped my face with his hand and pulled me to him. The kiss was deep, sensual and oh so familiar. In a flash I was back in Bill’s arms as if time stood still. I could smell his familiar scent. Memories of the past flooded my mind, our layovers in Jamaica, Paris were like yesterday. Pheromones brought us together. They were still present and certainly evident. The connection and passion were still present. I had not been kissed where I melted into someone like this in a very long time. He kissed me again, whispering my name. It made me weak in my knees, I felt like a teenager, buoyed by our experience together. Bill offered his home to me on my next visit to Toronto. It was likely he would be flying – but I was welcome to use it in any case. He was generous with what he had. I thanked him for buying flowers and remembering my mother. It was nice that he invited her to lunch as well. I was appreciative of his drive all the way up to see me on his day off. All in all, it was a very pleasurable experience.
We have both walked and flown a lot of miles in the 40 years since our affair. We have had different experiences and learned so much about ourselves. I know I have. I am not the same young girl that leaped into the flame of passion when I was in my early 20’s. I have boundaries, self respect and a whole lot of love for myself and my body. I don’t have recreational sex anymore. I haven’t in a very long time. Recreational sex feels empty for me. I will hold out for a connection of mind-body-spirit with a man who recognizes who I am, is interested in what I have to say and accepts me wholeheartedly anyway. A connection cannot be faked. Without a connection, sex is just empty bumping of body parts.
The Moral Of The Story
Affairs when we are married create tremendous karma. We hurt others when we follow the flame. I certainly hurt my husband. I still remember his face when I told him. I have forgiven myself for the hurt I have caused him, but the knowledge that this was not one of my most stellar moments is still with me. I learned from my past experiences. If you must be with another person, it is much more honorable to get out of your current relationship first.
Looking for that elusive relationship? Keep repeating the same patterns over and over? Following are just some of the issues that Jennifer’s work will help you overcome:
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love, sex and empowerment coach, author, and energy healer. She utilizes her own life and healing experience from codependency to help others overcome abuse, addictions, codependency and self worth issues. Jennifer welcomes you to her free strategy sessions. Set yours up here: [email protected] Buy her books: HERE
I met Jennifer at one of her workshops that a friend recommended to me. At that time I was searching, and wanting some help out of my deep depression and anxiety. Keeping in touch, I joined her on line workshops, and eventually her coaching once a week.
One of my earliest coaching sessions with Jennifer, I felt complete trust, like I have never felt with anyone in my ENTIRE LIFE. I told her my deepest darkest secrets, and she welcomed me into her loving space. For this, I will never ever forget, and will be eternally grateful.
She allowed me to be where I was, no rescue, no high expectation – no pat advice that I have heard over and over – not landing anywhere in me that could really grow.
Her advice was simple and doable, small steps to move forward – with kindness, and no judgment allowed me to open up. The meditations helped me see my guides and myself in a new light.
As I grew in compassion and respect for myself as a result from the coaching sessions, vast changes in me occurred.I feel happier, more peaceful, more truly loving now. In both my professional life and personal life, the changes though subtle, were highly significant: I easily am present with people and they sense this. If nothing else occurs, I feel that this is a huge gift, to be able to connect with people so that they feel heard and significant. N.A., Atlanta, GA