By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
There are plenty of reasons women don’t want sex after they have had a baby. An Australian study surveyed more than 1,500 women after childbirth. 13% of women won’t have sex for six months after their first baby is born. The second child could take even longer to recover from.
Remember that everyone is different. I remember hearing about a cousin of mine having sex with her husband in the hospital yes, right after she delivered her first child. Some women have an incredible sex drive after having a baby, while others couldn’t even think about sex for months. I was one of the latter.
This study found that 41 percent said they had resumed vaginal sex within 6 weeks after delivering their baby, 65 percent by eight weeks, 78 percent by 12 weeks and 94 percent by 6 months.
After having a baby, there are many reasons many women aren’t the least bit interested in sex. The biggest reason women don’t want sex is that they don’t want to get pregnant – AGAIN! I remember being so fearful I would get pregnant. Sounds logical, doesn’t it? Many men don’t understand what a woman goes through chemically, physically or emotionally during pregnancy and up to three years after childbirth for some women.
Even with breast feeding a new mother is highly fertile. She will not want to have sex for fear she could be pregnant before she has even re-gained her beautiful figure.
New Mother’s Rarely Feel Sexy
The second biggest reason women don’t want sex is that they don’t feel sexy. Wearing a big breast feeding bra, leaking milk, having a baby hang on them almost all day, takes the pleasure out of being touched by their man. Every time you get turned on while breast feeding, milk squirts out of your breasts and rolls down your side, leaving you feeling sticky, reminding you what breasts were really made for!
Losing baby weight takes
months – even years for some women. During this time, their breast begin to sag, their tummy is not as tight as it used to be. How could it be. They had a little human in there. I remember my husband looking at me and saying, “You know you can lose that, you know?” I wanted to kick him in the balls. He was not the one that carried three children for 9 months. Men who make comments like that need to be strung up and …… (something to do with 50 shades of gray) sorry, I got carried away.
Don’t Touch Me!
The third biggest reason new mothers don’t want sex is that are getting all their tactile needs met holding, nursing, rocking their new baby. Taking a shift for your wife would help this. The last thing many women want is another person pawing and grabbing at your breasts or other body parts after spending all day and half the night nursing, cuddling and holding your new baby.
I Don’t Feel Sexy AND I’m Feeling Blue Too!
Not only does a woman’s body need to get back in shape, they have chemistry to balance back out. Hormones are out of whack. They just finished carrying a baby to full term, delivered, her milk came in, she may or may not be breast feeding, there are a lot of hormones trying to regroup in her body. It takes almost a full year for everything to balance out after a full term pregnancy.
Post partum depression is a real thing. It happens to the most stable of mothers. Crying for no reason, having fears that something will happen to the new baby are all very real. Be kind. Be compassionate. Be understanding. Give yourself a hand job if your lady just isn’t interested.
Remember, this child took two people to conceive. She did not get pregnant all by herself. Thinking that she needs to take care of all your sexual needs when she is taking care of your baby and herself, as well as the household, doesn’t help either of you. She needs understanding. She also needs your love and acceptance while she gets her body-mind and emotions back. Balancing everything initially can be more than a new mother can deal with.
Delivering a baby can be very painful. It can cause tears along the perineum (the area between the vagina and anal opening) that take time to heal. Even after the stitches have disolved and staples from her C-section are removed, her body is in discomfort and pain. It is customary to wait for six weeks to have sex. However, for many, six weeks just isn’t enough time. Not everyone takes six months to want sex, but many women do.
An episiotomy scar leaves the vaginal opening changed. Her vagina is re-grouping. There are many physiological changes happening while her body heals. A woman may also be concerned she will be too wide, too large or not enjoy sex the same way after motherhood. Men too can be concerned about fit, feeling and whether he will enjoy sex the same, knowing what just came out of his wife’s vagina.
Many women are so fatigued taking care of a newborn and healing that they would rather sleep than have sex. Women who are sleep deprived are less likely to want sex. Sleep deprivation has been proven to reduce a woman’s libido considerably. With adequate sleep and healing she will be wanting to couple with you again. Just be generous with your complements and understanding. Remember this baby is yours too. Understanding, loving kindness and gentleness is what she needs. Do your best to be compassionate. This is a phase, this too shall pass. Be patient, supportive and loving.
Once things begin to settle down, doing kegels to get the vagina back into shape, as well as the pelvic floor strengthened can help tighten up the vagina. There are two distinct sets of muscles a woman can intermittently squeeze and release. The PC muscles are one set, that can be felt when you stop the flow of urine while peeing. Pulling up and sqeezing will tighten the PC muscles. Doing sets of 30 or 40 repetitions while sitting; squeezing, holding for 10 seconds. then releasing, several times a day while folding laundry or even nursing can help to restore your lovely female parts to their pre-pregnant state.
Kegels can strengthen orgasms as well as restore muscle tone.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is an author, love and passion coach and healed healer. She has been where you are. Having had three children herself, she knows what hormone changes can bring. For your free discovery session e-mail Jennifer here to book yours, or ask questions.
Jennifer helps women and men recover from addictions, codependency, sexual trauma and depression. In the process of becoming happy with you, anxiety, fears, control, reactivity all fall away. Her own journey of healing helped her create a program that
helps people heal gently, without staying stuck in their story. If you are interested in recovery, healing or transformation, Jennifer will gently and compassionately give you the nudge you need to get out of your rut, stuckness or negativity. Having healed her own depression, illness and victimization, she knows what works and what doesn’t.