Since the dawn of time women have been programmed to take care of another’s needs. It is in our DNA. We are taught at an early age to cook good food for our families, be loving caretakers of our children and partners, putting everyone’s needs above our own. Pleasing others is deeply programmed
into the core of our being, often to our own detriment. The problem is while we are so busy taking care of other’s needs, we deny our own. We might stew over resentment and don’t resolve anger, grief or loss. These emotions left unresolved become a molten brew for future cancer.
Best selling healer and author, Louise Hay writes in You Can Heal Your Body, that cancer is caused by, “Deep hurt. Longstanding resentment. Deep secret or grief eating away at the self. Carrying hatred or a belief, of “What’s the use.” I cannot tell you how many of my clients that have kept a rape or childhood sexual molestation a secret for decades and now have cancer. Louise Hay’s work may be the most instrumental book that helped me heal my own breast cancer. We have to learn to let go of our emotions, forgive everyone, rather than being ruled and sickened by our thoughts and emotions.
Many women don’t recognize that this lack of self nurturing is also the root cause of breast cancer. A refusal to nurture the self is the underlying cause of breast cancer. It is time to change this painful paradigm for women. We need to re-frame our version of happiness. Our lives don’t have to be perfect for us to be happy.
Wake-up calls happen in various forms. Divorce, depression, loss of our job, or serious health issues occur when we refuse to see the truth in our being. If we don’t receive or notice the gentle taps on our shoulder by the universe, we are given stronger signs. Women come to me when their suffering is so great, or they shocked to discover they have cancer. They know that self-love is the path to health and well-being.
Healing from the inside out has to occur to uproot the cause of cancer. Cutting it out, applying chemotherapy or irradiating can only remove the symptom, not the cause. Often this form or “curing,” is worse than the disease itself. I have lost more than one dear friend to chemotherapy, rather than from cancer. To truly heal, we need to remove what is often called in hypnotherapy, “the forcing function.”
Suffering is a forcing function. When we gripe, moan or complain we are suffering. When we rage and stew in our anger, we are suffering. When we say no to pleasure we cause ourselves to suffer. When we resist love, joy or happiness by being stuck in our beliefs we suffer. Women need to say yes to life and in so doing open to receive pleasure.
Surrender is the path to joy and happiness. Resistance is the path of suffering. We have to choose for ourselves to affirm life. Women with a low sense of self-worth don’t breathe deeply. Their breath is shallow. Breathing deeply is affirming life. When we breathe in deeply we then begin to recognize
our value and our personal power. Each of us has this personal value and power, we just don’t recognize it when we are fighting with life. We are the ones that undermine our own sense of self. We are also the ones that can shift that paradigm with simply a change of perspective.
How often have you heard, “We are our own worst enemy?” Are you? What is your self talk like? Do you encourage yourself in your mind? Or do you beat yourself up for all your failures. We are the ones who create our suffering. No one else does it to us. We may be in an abusive relationship, however we are there by our own choosing. We have drawn
this situation to us by what our energy is emitting into the universe. The higher we vibrate, we attract higher vibrating people and relationships. The lower we vibrate, the lower the people and situations we attract. We have the power to change everything. Instead of hating yourself, begin to speak gently, lovingly and compassionately to yourself. Encourage you. Love you. Give to and nurture you.
We often say no to sex because we are tired, bitchy or just don’t want to be bothered. Or maybe we don’t feel like “giving” to our husband or partner because of something they have said or done. When we choose no, we are denying ourselves pleasure as well. When we say no, we are in resistance. We are staving off our joy. We may lay awake
unable to sleep afterwards, angry at our partner and ourselves, wondering why we didn’t say “Yes!” instead? We could have been receiving pleasure or had an orgasm and now be fast asleep. We do it to ourselves unconsciously. We create our own heaven or hell.
How many moments of bliss have you denied yourself? Can you even count them? The only way to change a behavior is to recognize the pattern, (raising awareness consciously) and choosing differently. When we shine the light of awareness on a situation it cannot stay the same, it has to change. Choosing differently and consistently, will over time, repattern the brain. The synapses will change your brain, programming it for pleasure instead of a lack of it. How long does it take to change a habit? Depending on how consistently you choose differently, as little as two months for some, or as long as 66 days for others. The more focused on changing your behavior you are, the better your success at doing so. If you know the alternative could be something health depriving, that should be enough to motivate you, don’t you think?
Pleasure can be experienced in so many ways. Sometimes, we have been so busy living, struggling to keep our head above water that we feel we don’t have time for it. Rushing through life, hanging on for dear life is not living in the moment. Instead of thinking “I don’t have time,” create the time. Change your belief to “I have plenty of time.” You can even use one of my manifesting secrets I share with my private clients: ask the universe questions.
The universe will always make you right. Whether it is positive or negative. Instead of having the belief that there isn’t enough time, “How can I effortlessly and easily have plenty of time for pleasure?” Questions are a powerful tool for creating more joy and happiness in your life. They can shift your perspective from wasting time to being more efficient. How much time do you waste with tasks that don’t net any positive rewards? How much time do you spend reading meaningless e-mails or writing on Facebook to people you don’t even know?
Take a walk out in nature all by yourself. Luxuriate in a hot bath tub with your favorite oil, or Epsom salts. Take time to experience the beauty in life. Take time out for you. Nurture you. Care for you. As my mother used to ask me, when I was strung out on life, “Who is going to take care of you, if you don’t?” Begin to say yes to new experiences instead of an
automatic, “NO!” Have a date with your partner. Experience the joy of just being. Slow down and breathe. Often we are so busy doing that we forget to be. The housework will always be there. The laundry will always need to be done. Letting go of the perfection of each task can free you to be yourself. Face it, you will never be perfect, why not be happy with good enough?
Although people come to me with a variety of issues, every one of my clients came to me with an issue of perfectionism. I understand it well. I used to be the same way. If I could amass the cost of burned meals and ruined pots I have created by being engrossed in my writing, I could probably own Farberware by now. I have let go of trying to be perfect. I am very happy with me as I am. If people can’t accept that, is
their issue not mine. We have to recognize that we are killing ourselves by trying to be perfect. The perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect body or face and perfect housekeeper. We are so obsessed with perfection that women are actually having their vaginas and labia reconstructed to make it more “perfect!”
When are we going to be happy just being us, the way we are? Our obsession with perfection is causing anxiety, low self-esteem and teens to get breast implants. We set the tone for our daughter’s self-esteem. When we are happy with ourselves, our children will be happier as a result. Happiness is an inside job. Pleasure is on the path to surrendering into being the beautiful you, that you already are.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach, author and healer. Check out her blog: Love Yourself Fearlessly. She empowers women and the men who love them to love themselves fearlessly. She works with women who are ready to be happy with their lives and need a little leg up. She gives her clients the tools to use in their personal lives long after the coaching experience ends. Jennifer’s own journey has equipped her with a deep compassion for others’ suffering, depression, anxiety, relationship, sexual challenges and health issues.
When Jennifer began her healing journey she recognized that her negative thoughts were killing her and that she was the common denominator in all her failed relationships. She helps women move out of victimhood, codependence, addictions and suffering into a life of joy, pleasure and bliss on all levels. Jennifer is certified in hypnotherapy, NLP, life
coaching and reads the Akashic Records.
She is a natural catalyst, meaning just being in her presence – even on the phone, will shift you, bringing up your issues to be released. Jennifer is a Master energy healer who works with your energy field to remove deep trapped beliefs, emotions and blocks so that you can live your life empowered, free and joyful. She is the author of two books, Odyssey Victim To Victory, the story of her recovery and life, and Orgasm For Life, the guide to bliss and understanding for both sexes. You can e-mail the author here.