My navigation system had me driving in circles for over 30 minutes. After my third circuit traveling on the same stretch of road, I asked why I kept going in circles? Then I recognized the symbolism. I realized I had just come full circle. This weekend was as if we stepped back in time. Our faces and bodies looked different. We had many more experiences. I wondered how much he had learned. What would be different, would we still enjoy each other? How much had each of us changed? I would find out very soon. I finally recognized the symbolism and was able to make my way to the off-site airport parking lot. I parked my car and took the bus to the LA airport.
Outside the terminal, a throng of people filled the sidewalk spilling over onto the road in front of the building. No one was allowed to enter. The entire terminal building was evacuated before I got a chance to check in.
An abandoned bag threatened the safety of travelers and was subsequently blown up inside the building by TSA security. I doubt it ever made the news. I had visions of newly purchased Victoria Secret lingerie flying through the air. When the dust settled, and the dangerous lingerie had been terminated, we were permitted to check in. An interesting foretelling of what was to come. Fortunately, I had allowed extra time. I was going to need it today, the lines were long, snaking through the International terminal.
My flight to Toronto was uneventful except for a little turbulence over the Colorado Rockies. I waited an hour and a half for my luggage to arrive. A mechanical in our baggage compartment meant our luggage traveled on another plane. I wondered about everyone’s personal baggage. Was theirs lagging behind them also?
After clearing custom’s and Immigration, I walked outside scanning the waiting crowd for my wedding date. I turned around at the end of the ramp where I found him smiling at me. He asked me about my eyesight, “Didn’t you see me, you looked right at me?” He took my bags, rather than allow me to struggle with them on my own. This was a departure from other men I had in my life. Many men make the mistake of thinking strong women don’t want help. Even the strongest of people need assistance at times. I recognized the difference.
We chatted as we walked to his car, catching up on my trip, and my family’s invitation for dinner. The wedding marathon weekend had begun. A quiet cup of tea and some downtime with my date to catch my breath and talk would have to wait. Instead, we drove to my niece’s home to attend a dinner for the entire wedding party.
Two and a half hours later we arrived at his new home. I was given the royal tour. His fridge was loaded with all my favorite food and drink. He listened to me. If I asked a question, he answered. I felt welcome, cared for and revered. He was glad to have me semi-captive. The fire was still present, even though 40 years had passed. Our compatibility and comfort with each other eased both our minds. Our conversation was as open and easy as it always was. My memory of past events seemed to be more vivid than his. Perhaps it was his feeling of regret? He asserted breaking up with me was not a stellar moment from him. He had regretted it ever since.
From the time I set foot on Canadian soil, there was a flurry of activity, driving from one family gathering to another. We visited my mother outside Toronto on Friday afternoon, returning the following day to escort her to the wedding. My date was a planner, ensuring all the details were taken care of, outfits ready for the wedding. Cufflinks were purchased. He wanted everything to be taken care of in advance. He made every effort to accommodate my wishes and requests. We dressed and drove with my mother to the wedding.
Our history together created a foundation for us. We had a past, even though it was long ago. We reminisced about Air Canada flying, our children, people, and places. My family remembered him. The wedding was beautiful, even on a rainy day. The rain reminded me that nothing is perfect, no matter how hard we might try. Rain on a wedding day meant a contingency plan, we were inside instead of outside in the beautiful pastoral setting. My mother complained about the noise. I recommended that she remove her hearing aids. She refused. She continued to complain about the noise. I have a theory if someone complains but won’t do anything about their situation, there is little you can do to help them. Things will assuredly become worse for them. It is a desire to suffer that causes increased suffering.
My date and I worked together on the wedding games provided, keeping an eye on my mother. I watched her grimacing as the evening wore on. I suggested a trip to a quiet corner so she and I could talk. By about 8:30 PM my mother complained about a pain in her chest. The right side of her chest hurt, rather than left side. The groom walked by and asked us if everything was okay. I explained. He suggested his groomsman who was a paramedic stop by and talk to her. I welcomed his help. We both learned that the symptoms of a heart attack for an older woman were vastly different than for a younger one. He asked many questions and closed with, “It’s hard to tell without tests.”
Not long after the groomsman spoke to us, we began to say good-bye and prepare to leave. The rain continued to fall. A quick walk to the car exacerbated my mother’s condition. Half-way to her home, she suggested we go to the hospital.
Our hearts are meant to love. If we shut our hearts down, whether from a broken heart or a traumatic event, the blocked energy will inevitably create issues. My mother never recovered from being an orphan at 5. She continued to tell her story to anyone who would listen. It governed her spending. “I didn’t have anything when I was a child.” At 93 she was still compensating for love unrelieved as a child by buying herself clothes. She looked lovely on the outside, but her heart was closed and cold. Her heart was called her to let go of the pain. She was so stuck in her paradigm of suffering, it was unfathomable for her.
At the end of this beautiful representation of mutual love – Sarah and Trevor’s beautiful wedding, we found ourselves in the emergency ward. Two hearts joined together in holy matrimony, one heart blocked, in constant pain. By 3:30 AM we were home knowing my mother would be undergoing surgery for a pace-maker and angioplasty. A make-shift fix for her broken heart that never healed.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach, empowering women and men to love themselves fearlessly. She is a certified coach, ordained minister, certified hypnotherapist, Master energy healer and reads the Akashic Records. Jennifer’s work is unlike any other coach. She works with you where you are, and does what you need doing in the moment. She helps women and men live empowered, happy lives, in the present moment.
Check out her bio on her website for more information about how she healed her own depression, anxiety, codependency, fears, low self-esteem and can help you do the same.