7 Ways to Shift Your Relationship Quickly

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

When we are dating, we often overlook the negative. We might brush issues we need to comment on under the carpet because we don’t want to ruin what we believe we have. At the beginning of a relationship, we lay the groundwork for boundaries, communication, and appreciation. We teach the person we are dating how we want to be treated by being kind, generous and considerate to them. When we don’t call someone on their bad behavior, we are doing ourselves a disservice. We are also training our partner that poor treatment is okay with us. This is where abusive treatment begins. 

 
As time goes on, the bad behavior often goes from bad to worse. Things are usually the best early on in our relationships because each of us is on our best behavior. If you are not setting up healthy boundaries when you are dating, it will become increasingly difficult to do it later. 
 
In mature relationships, we sometimes snap, gripe and complain to our partners. We can use a condescending tone when we get irritated. We can make demands rather than requests. When we demand, we block love. When we use a condescending tone, as if we are exasperated with our partner, we are acting like the parent, rather than an equal. 
 
Communication Inside The Bedroom
 

Trying to get your needs met in the bedroom can be very difficult if you don’t have an open channel of honesty. Compassion, and appreciation go a long way to show our partner kindness. However, if they don’t get what you need and you aren’t getting your needs met, a conversation needs to take place BEFORE you get into the bedroom. 

Following are 7 Ways To Shift Your Relationship Quickly

 

  1. Appreciate him/her when your partner does something for you. Say, “Thank you.” Smile and make eye contact to show you mean it. Appreciation is one of the most important issues to men. If they are not being appreciated they will feel unloved.
  2. Be respectful. Giving your partner the respect they deserve will shift your relationship quickly. If you talk down to your partner or they talk down to you, you won’t feel respected. Mutual respect is a requirement of a happy and healthy balanced relationship.
  3. Validate them. If your partner isn’t feeling well, or is having a bad day, they need to be validated for their feelings. Saying, “I’m sorry you are having a bad day today, is there anything I can do to help you feel better?” Usually, they will say no or maybe ask for a hug. The most important issue is that you have validated their feelings. Telling someone they can’t or shouldn’t feel a certain way will lead to feeling unimportant and even angry.
  4. Touch your partner in non-sexual ways. There are times when we need to be hugged, have our shoulder touched or even our hand held to know we are loved from more than being a sexual partner. Non-sexual touching keeps intimacy alive in the relationship. For you men out there than think intimacy means sex, it doesn’t. Emotional closeness is what intimacy is. Allowing the other person close to you at others times than when sex is occurring will show that they are loved.
  5. Make loving eye contact. In today’s fast-paced world, many people rarely look each other in the eyes. Take the time to look at your lover in the eyes when you speak to them. Eye contact allows another to see into your soul. If you can’t allow them in, you won’t have close sexual intimacy either.
  6. Be honest. Honesty is important if you want to have a deep connection. Lies create distance. Allowing another to hear the truth may hurt at first, but over time, your relationship will deepen and become more connected if you don’t have lies and distance between you. 
  7. Be authentic. Pretending to be something you are not, or faking anything (even that you like football when you don’t) creates a disconnect. You will not have deep intimacy and connection if you are not allowing your partner to see the real you.

 


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