One of the common denominators with all of my clients is that they are not comfortable in their own skin. Everyone has some issue with self-esteem. Those who are comfortable with who they are and secure will have more meaningful relationships as well as success. Those who are completely confident are self-actualized and enlightened usually, becoming our greatest spiritual leaders.
The sooner you realize that happiness is something that you decide rather than obtain from outside of you through material possessions, weight loss, relationships or money the faster you will meet your destiny. Helping others reach their destiny is what I do on a daily basis.
- You seek validation and approval from others. Secure people validate themselves from within. Insecure people are overly concerned about what others think of what they do, wear, say and even feel. This need for validation comes from not being seen, heard or validated by our parents. Whether our parents validated us or not is not the question, but rather your perception of what occurred in childhood.
- You doubt yourself. A secure person trusts themselves and their decisions. An insecure person will be wishy-washy going back and forth even seeking the approval or insight from others before making a decision. Even after receiving input from others an insecure person will still not be sure they are making the best decision for themselves. This doubt extends to relationships, purchases, and trusting intuition.
- You are selfish. A secure person fills themselves from within, doing spiritual practices like meditation, exercise and other activities alone.You may be self-seeking, looking for attention, love, accolades, and possessions.
- You don’t feel worthy. A secure person knows that they are worthy. An insecure person feels inadequate and not good enough. They judge and criticize themselves and others.
- You don’t feel loved and accepted. A secure person loves and accepts themselves with all their flaws and faults. An insecure person focuses on what is wrong with them, their pimples, fat, stupidity and other negativity.
- You seek perfection. It isn’t enough to do your best at your job, as a parent, or in your work, you strive to be perfect. Perfection isn’t possible and creates anxiety, struggle and eventually health issues. Self-discipline in place of perfection will help you get there.
- You feel as if people are looking at you. A secure person is absorbed in what they are doing rather than what others are. The focus on others looking at you, not liking you and not approving of you is destructive and debilitating. My catch-phrase is: What others think of you is none of your business!
- You are overly accommodating. A secure person recognizes what their needs are and asks for what they want. An insecure person will say, “Whatever you want.”
- You hate to be alone. A secure person enjoys solitude and feels comfortable alone. An insecure person will surround themselves with activity, tasks and other distractions rather than be alone with themselves.
- You feel uncomfortable in your own skin. A secure person is very comfortable being who they are wherever they are. They exude confidence and enter a room standing up straight, shoulders back, chest out feeling very comfortable no matter where they are. An insecure person may have shoulders hunched over trying to make themselves small and hide somewhere in a crowd.
- You have addictions. A secure person has overcome addictions and healed the source: a lack of self-love. An insecure person uses drugs, alcohol, relationships, pornography, sex, shopping, food or activity like cleaning to feel better. Addictions stem from a rejection of the self or lack of self-love. Heal yourself through self-love and the addictions go away!
- You feel life isn’t fair. A secure person will take charge of their life going for what they want without worrying about what others think. An insecure person feels that the world owes them something when they don’t get what they want they blame others. You probably also live in the past, rather than dwelling in the present, continuing to resent ex’s, parents, bosses or even children for what they have done to you.
- You feel like a victim. A secure person has resolved the past and recognizes that it was all an effort to get them to grow. They learned their lessons from the pain, suffering and challenges and has moved on through forgiveness. An insecure person continues to blame others for their lot in life and unhappiness and may even feel like a martyr.
- You long for someone else to love you so you can be happy.
- You wish for the day when you can win the lottery so you will have happiness. When that day never comes, you blame the others that won instead. You may be unhappy your entire life because you feel that happiness will come in a ticket.
- You are envious of others. A secure person will be happy for other’s success, while an insecure person will feel jealous.
- You often feel left out or avoided by others. A secure person goes about their business without worrying about what others are doing, thinking or saying about them. An insecure person may wonder if they smell bad, or have some sort of plague.
- You stay in relationships that you know aren’t supportive or going anywhere. A secure person will end a relationship that isn’t supportive or when core values aren’t in alignment even if love is present, as they know in the long-term the relationship will not survive. An insecure person hangs on for dear life for any relationship no matter how abusive or destructive because they are afraid no one else will love them or want them. (I used to do this. You can read my story of recovery in Odyssey Victim To Victory.
- You are an energy vampire. Secure people create their own emotional energy from within. Insecure people draw emotional energy from others – draining those they love, causing fatigue from being around you. We do this unknowingly, from a desire of wanting to be filled up. Our lack of self-care and self-nurturing causes us to feel empty inside. We aren’t empty we just feel this way.
- You can’t stand silence. A secure person revels in silence knowing that stillness and silence are food for the soul. An insecure person will have to have music, cell phone to text or talk to others, television or other distractions to feel comfortable.
- You feel the world is unsafe. A secure person knows that the world is a safe place and feels protected. An insecure person is afraid that danger lurks everywhere and may be suspicious of other’s motives.
I have had all of these characteristics and many not listed here. I am here to help others find the happiness that I found through my thirty plus years of seeking, searching and healing. If you found this helpful, please share it with a friend. My business grows through referrals. So far I have helped thousands of men and women grow to their full potential, but there are millions out there that still need help. This is my soul purpose. I can help you find yours. Send me a private e-mail today so you can get started on your path to fulfillment and joy.