Good communication is a necessity in all relationships. However many of us had dysfunctional communication modeled by our parents. If we model what our parents did, we end up with their relationship, which is most likely not what we want.
If you had trauma or critical parents you probably have challenges speaking up. If we don’t speak up when we are upset or have the ability to ask for what we want, we subjugate our needs and stay quiet rather than voicing how we feel. Passive aggressive behavior likely replaces healthy communication in order to get our needs met which further complicates and destroys relationships.
What Is The First Step?
Use words and phrases that respect the other and yourself:
- I feel that…..
- I would like that….
- Could you please…………
- I would prefer if you would do this ………
- I would appreciate it if you could ………..
- State what you want as clearly and unemotionally as possible
- Speak up in the moment at the time of the transgression or issue
- Be compassionate, kind and loving with your words
- Be honest, but not ruthless
- Avoid sarcasm
- Bring up old issues.
- Roll your eyes or use body language that is defensive