Restoring Healthy Boundaries After Narcissistic Abuse

Building healthy boundaries is crucial for recovering from narcissistic abuse and establishing a strong sense of self. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to build boundaries:


Take time to reflect on your values, needs, and personal limits. Consider past experiences where your boundaries were violated and how it made you feel.

Next, identify areas where you feel discomfort or need more explicit boundaries.

Define Your Values:

Clearly define your values and what is important to you. This could include respect, honesty, autonomy, and personal space values.
Your values will serve as a foundation for establishing boundaries that align with your authentic self.

Identify Specific Boundaries:

Break down your boundaries into specific, actionable terms. For example, if personal space is important, establish boundaries around physical space and emotional intimacy.
Be specific about what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable in your relationships.

Communicate Clearly:

Practice clear and assertive communication. When setting boundaries, use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming others.

Clearly articulate the boundary, its importance to you, and the consequences if it’s not respected.
Start Small:

Begin by setting smaller boundaries in low-stakes situations. This could involve expressing your preferences or saying “no” to a minor request.
Gradually build up to more significant boundaries as you become more comfortable and confident.
Enforce Consequences:

Clearly define the consequences for violating your boundaries. Following through with these consequences is essential to reinforce the importance of respecting your limits.

Consistency is key in building and maintaining boundaries.

Seek Support:

Share your boundaries with supportive friends, family, or a therapist. A support system can provide encouragement and reinforcement as you navigate this process.
Practice expressing your boundaries with someone you trust before addressing them with those who may have violated them.

Set Boundaries in Different Areas of Your Life:

Establish boundaries in your personal or intimate relationships and your work, social, and online interactions.

Consistency across various aspects of your life will reinforce your commitment to self-respect and personal autonomy.

Prioritize Self-Care:

Self-care is an integral part of setting and maintaining boundaries. Prioritize activities that nourish your well-being and reinforce your sense of self-worth.
Recognize that caring for yourself is not selfish but necessary for a healthy and balanced life.
Reevaluate and Adjust:

Periodically reassess your boundaries and adjust them as needed. As you grow and evolve, your boundaries may need to adapt to reflect your changing needs and values.

Remember that building boundaries is a process, and taking it one step at a time is okay. Be patient with yourself, and celebrate your successes along the way. If you find it challenging, seek guidance from a coach like me who knows the ropes and how to navigate healing after trauma and narcissistic abuse. I can provide additional support and tools for boundary setting, guiding you every step of the way until you are steady on your feet.

Book your private discovery session with Jennifer here:

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